Fairies and Countries and Tales, Oh My!
by 94 Bottles Of Snapple
Summary: The Hetalia countries find themselves faced with fairytales containing some very familiar-sounding characters...
1. Prologue

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use.**

Prologue

Once upon a world meeting, things were getting very out of hand, as usual. Germany was about to resort to shouting when the conference room doors slammed open. In walked…

No one.

But before Germany could resume his shout, an echoing voice from the heavens interrupted.

"All of you SHUT UP!"

The meeting room stilled.

In her computer chair, the author leaned back, grinning in triumph.

"Since no one can seem to agree on anything and you're all acting like children, I thought we might have fun reading some fairytales to calm down."

Most of the countries in the room thought it was a pretty stupid idea. The omniscient author really didn't care, and flipped open her book of fairytales.

"Let's see… How about we start with Beauty and the Beast?"

Since the author was omniscient and omnipresent, etc. the various nations really couldn't do a thing about it, and just settled for having attitudes instead. Except for Italy, who was elated to get to hear bedtime stories again. After all, his siesta was soon!

So everyone settled down and got comfortable (or not) to various degrees of their choosing (Greece was already asleep, in fact), and the story began.


	2. Beauty & the Beast: USUK

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use.**

Guide

A = America

E = England

R = Russia

F = France

C = Canada

Beauty and the Beast

Once upon a time, there was a young prince named Arthur who lived in a large castle. Though he had everything his heart desired, he was rude and vulgar, and his temper knew no bounds.

**E: W-wha- How dare-!**

**A: Ha, Iggy, it's you!**

**E: It bloody well is not!**

**F: I must agree with Amérique, on this one, Arthur. It sounds very much like you.**

Shut up, please. I'm trying to start the story! Jeez.

Ok then. Late one stormy night, there was a knock on the castle doors. Prince Arthur was irate to be woken up so late in the night, but he answered the door out of common courtesy. Outside in the rain was an old beggar woman. She asked if the prince would let her stay for the night and take shelter, and offered him a single sunflower in return.

**E: W-wait, that sounds a lot like-!**

Because he was so upset at the woman for waking him up, and also because he had no tea to sooth his frazzled nerves, the prince quite rudely told the woman to leave. She appealed to him again, but he turned her away angrily. Suddenly, the old woman turned into a beautiful sorceress with bright violet eyes.

**R: Oh how fun! Do I get to curse him?**

Um… Yes, Russia, yes you do.

**E: I knew it! I hate this story…**

It… Gets better?

Er, well, anyways. Yes, the sorceress…

Um, so, seeing that the prince was unkind, the sorceress Ivana decided to place a curse on him and the entire castle. The prince was turned into a hideous beast-

**E: I thought you bloody said it got better!**

Well it won't if you don't let me finish!

The prince turned into… A hideous beast, here we are.

And then the sorceress told Arthur that the sunflower was actually magical, and that he had ten years until the last petal fell to love someone, and get them to love him in return. If not, then he would remain a beast forever. But after years alone in the castle, Arthur and his servants lost all hope.

After all, what person could ever learn to love a hideous beast?

Years later, in a small French village, there was a young, lovely girl. Her name was Allison, and she lived alone, except for her older brother Matthew and an alien who had crashed into their garden years before, named Tony.

**A: Wait, I'm a GIRL? And the damsel? But I'm the hero! H. E. R. O. I should be the prince!**

**E: Haha, take that you bloody git.**

**F: I wouldn't be talking, Angleterre; you are, after all, a beast at this point.**

… Do you want me to continue the story?

**A: …**

**E: …**

**F: …**

Thank you. Now, where was I? Oh, yes…

Of every woman in the village, Allison was the most beautiful, with her shining golden hair and bright blue eyes; this earned her the nickname 'Beauty'.

Even though she was beautiful, Allison wanted to be known for more than her looks. She wanted to be a hero, and be famous for her deeds. This attitude set her apart from everyone in town, and people found her odd, to say the least.

Despite her oddness, she was pursued romantically by the most handsome man in town. That's to say nothing for his personality, as it was completely horrid, and egotistical, and downright shallow. Cue Francis Bonnefoy, who, although handsome and well-liked by the townsfolk, was a complete jerk.

**F: I resent that, ma chéri!**

_Anyway_, he really only liked poor Allie for her looks. But Francis was nothing if not determined, and he declared that he would have Allie for his wife.

**F: Mmm… Amérique, I like where this story is going…**

**A: … I don't.**

Shut up both of you, I'm trying to tell a story!

One day, Matthew had to go to Paris on business, and asked his sister what kind of gift she would like him to bring back. After all, Matthew was a very doting brother, and never forgot to get Allie a gift when he had to leave for long amounts of time.

Now, Allie could have asked for a dress, or jewelry, or a hamburger (what, she liked hamburgers), but she instead asked only for a sunflower, because she knew how hard her brother worked just to keep them financially afloat. So, Matthew set off that very day. But he never made it to his destination, because he was attacked by robbers, and left, bloodied, on the side of the road.

**C: … Why is it always me…?**

When he was finally able to get up, Matthew was hopelessly lost. Luckily, he stumbled upon a castle, and, though it was large and imposing, he decided it was better than nothing. Especially when it started to rain. Once inside, Matthew was able to dry up by a roaring fire. Still, he was cautious, as he had seen no form of life in the castle. Once Matthew was comfortable again, he ventured further into the castle in an attempt to find whoever lived there. He was unsuccessful, but in his search he found a beautiful sunflower under a rounded glass case. Gently, he lifted it up and set it aside. A sunflower… Just like his dear sister had asked for! And since there was no one in the castle…

**C: No, me, don't do it! Stop!**

Matthew reached out, and was about to touch the flower when a deafening roar came from right behind him. Matthew jumped and whirled around, coming face-to-face with a hideous monster. The dark, furry creature was too ghastly for words, and Matthew's face paled in terror.

"Why are you in my castle?" the beast demanded.

"P-please, I… I lost my way in the woods… A-and I just… I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Matthew responded, backing away as far as he could.

"You were going to take my sunflower!" The beast snarled. "Thief! Trespasser!"

"No! I just wanted a place to stay the night!"

"I'll give you a place to stay…" the beast sneered. "In the dungeon!"

And he picked up poor Matthew with one claw and dragged him away, up to a cell in the tower of the castle, which was damp and cold.

After a week had gone by, Allie began to worry. Her brother should have been home. So, she decided to go find him and save him, like the hero she was, from whatever trouble he had gotten himself into. Packing some supplies, she set out on the road Matthew took, with Tony at her side. Luckily for her, Tony was able to 'track' Matthew, and they found the beast's castle easily enough.

Having entered the castle, Tony silently led Allie up to a tall, tall tower. There they found Matthew, huddled inside a cell, shivering and sneezing. He was very sick from the damp air and the chill, and Allie immediately grew worried.

"A-Allie," Matthew mumbled, letting out another cough. "Y-you need to get out of here!"

"No, we gotta save you, Mattie! C'mon, Tony, let's break down this door!" Allie replied frantically.

Before anyone could attempt to do anything of the sort, a guttural snarl filled the room. Allie whirled around to see a large, imposing figure in the shadows.

"W-who are you?" she demanded, trying to stop her voice from trembling.

"The master of this castle," was the reply.

"Please let my brother out," Allie pleaded. "He's really sick! He needs to get warmed up, or he could die!"

"He is a thief and a trespasser!" the figure growled.

Allison looked between her pale brother and the figure in the shadows.

"… What if I… Took his place…?" she suggested timidly.

"You would… Do that for him…?" the dark voice questioned.

"Y-yes," Allie nodded firmly.

"Allie, don't do it!" Matthew shouted. "Don't!"

"You have to stay here forever," the figure ordered.

"… Come closer…" Allie said softly.

Slowly, the huge silhouette stepped forward into the light, and Allie looked up at the gigantic beast before her.

"I… I promise. Just let my brother go," Allie choked out, looking away from the beast quickly.

With a scoff, the beast unlocked the cage door and dragged poor, sick Matthew outside. Once there, he called for one of his servants. A shimmering unicorn appeared, and carted Matthew all the way back to his small village. Upon returning to his castle, he found Allie slumped on the ground in tears, being comforted by Tony.

"Y-you didn't… Let me tell him goodbye… He's my brother… I didn't… Get to say goodbye…" she bawled, tears sparkling in her blue eyes.

**E: I-I'm not that cruel!**

**A: Jeez, Iggy, you're so mean!**

AHEM!

Now then… During Allie's stay at the castle, she met many of the servants, and learned that they were all magical creatures of some sort. She learned to like the beast, who wasn't always cruel and grumpy. Tony still held a grudge, though. Anyways… Time was running out for Prince Arthur. There were only a few petals left on the sunflower. But he knew for sure that he was in love with feisty, bright Allie.

Still, he was sure she would never love him back. Despite this, Allie was actually enjoying her time in the enchanted castle, and had grown very fond of the beast, and even of his quick temper.

Now, during all of this time, Matthew was of course concerned. He did as much as he could on his own, but eventually had to ask for help. And since the man was so influential, and the only one with enough power in the village to help, Matthew went to Francis.

**E: No, not that frog! He'd never be able to help anyone!**

And so Francis led a mob of people to the castle of the beast. Upon seeing this, Allie called from the balcony that she was fine, and that the beast was kinder now, that he was misunderstood, and merely grumpy, not evil.

Matthew, seeing that his sister was truly happy, tried to call off the attack, but Francis, in a fit of jealousy, urged the townsfolk onwards. Allie begged to the beast to let her go outside, to try and calm the people. There was only one petal left on the sunflower. Knowing he would probably never see her again, Arthur relented, but would not meet Allie's blue eyes with his emerald ones.

**A: Th-That's so sad… I think I'm gonna cry… Wahhhhh!**

**E: Y-you're such a sap…**

**F: Ah, Angleterre, do not ruin the moment, mon cher.**

So Allie hurried down, out of the castle, and was able to talk everyone out of fighting with her moving words. She was a hero.

**A: Woohoo!**

Except… In all the confusion, Francis had snuck into the castle. As Allie looked up at the balcony to smile at the beast, Francis stabbed Arthur in the back.

Allie screamed.

She sprinted all the way to Arthur, and held him close.

"D-Don't die, you can't die, not now!"

Time seemed to have stopped, and Prince Arthur's green eyes were dimming.

"Please! I love you…" Allie sobbed.

The last petal fell from the sunflower.

All of the servants in the house gathered around, watching sadly as both their master and their chance of returning to their human forms slipped away.

But suddenly…

The sky was filled with a brilliant light, and the lovely sorceress Ivana appeared. The spell was broken, and so she saved Prince Arthur and changed him back into a human. His hair was messy and blond, and his eyebrows were large and fuzzy-

**E: Shut up!**

**A: Aw, Iggy, I think your eyebrows are cute.**

Seriously, England, do you want your happy ending or not?

**E: … Hmph.**

That's what I thought. Um… Let's see… Ah!

His eyebrows were large and fuzzy… But Allie still thought he was the most handsome and perfect man she had ever met. All of the servants were returned to normal as well. Soon after, Allie and Prince Arthur were married, and they lived happily ever after.

**F: Um… Ma chéri… I think you're miss-**

And no one ever noticed that Francis had disappeared. Incidentally, the lovely Ivana-

**R: Oh, stop, you're making me blush.**

Turned him into a frog. But that's an entirely different story altogether.

**F: What is that supposed to-?**

The End


	3. Frog Prince: FrUK

**A/N: Thank you for all your reviews, they make me so happy! Also, I'm totally open to doing requests, if anyone wants a particular fairytale, or a particular couple, or both. **

**I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use.**

Guide

E = England

F = France

P = Prussia

The Frog Prince

And now for our second story, everyone!

**P: The awesome me had better be in this one…**

** E: You're not even a nation anymore! How did you even get into the **

**conference room, you bloody-**

AHEM! Jeez, okay… Let me at least get to 'once upon a time'…

Now then.

Once upon a time, there lived a princess. She didn't really have very many friends, and could be quite grumpy on occasion, especially if she hadn't had her morning tea.

**E: Doesn't this sound too much like the other story?**

You're right! Let me begin also with the introduction of our unfortunate hero. He was a poor Frenchman named Francis Bonnefoy who met some unhappy circumstances with the enchantress Ivana at the end of our last story, and was turned into a little green frog. Now, despite his portrayal earlier on, he really wasn't all that bad of a guy once you got to know him.

**P: … Pfft-!**

… Well, ok, sort of. In any case… He was hopping around one day, trying to find a way out of his curse. He knew that he needed to get a woman to kiss him, but because he was now a slimy green frog, had almost no hope of that ever happening. He was disheartened without his charming good looks to keep his confidence afloat.

**F: What a terribly sad story! How tragic! How-**

Shush, please, or there will be no end to the story.

**F: …**

There we go. Now, it just so happened that as Francis hopped along, he spotted a young woman bent over by the edge of a pond, looking for something. She had long blonde hair in two pigtails, and had bright green eyes.

**E: W-what? Now **_**I'm**_** the princess?**

Suck it up, Alfred had enough confidence in his masculinity to be the princess and so can you. ANYWAY! Ah… where was I? I lost my spot again… Oh! Here we are!

All in all, the young lady was actually quite pretty. Except that she seemed to be distressed by something.

Now, Francis was never a man to just stand there and let a woman cry, so he hopped up and placed a small webbed hand on her knee. The woman, who is incidentally the princess from the beginning of the story, was too distraught to even be disgusted by the slimy, icky frog touching her.

"W-who are you…?" she asked tearily.

"I, mademoiselle, am Francis Bonnefoy. What is your name?" he asked, being as charming as he could as a frog.

"I'm P-Princess Arthuretta…"

"What is wrong, ma cheri?" the French amphibian asked kindly.

"I-I l-lost my… My embroidery needle…" the princess sniffed. "In the pond…"

And then Francis got an idea. He was a frog. He could swim to the bottom of the pond no problem and get the needle, couldn't he? And maybe a kiss in return…?

"Ah… Perhaps I could get it for you?" the amphibian offered.

Princess Arthuretta looked ecstatic about the suggestion. But then she noticed that Francis was still touching her.

"E-ew, hey get off!" she snapped, scooting back and standing. "A-anyway, please go get it."

Francis tilted his green head. He could see that the princess would never give him a kiss, no matter how grateful she was.

**E: Of course not!**

BUT. Francis had another thought. If he made the princess promise to give him a kiss… She would have to do it, right?

"If I go rescue your embroidery needle… Will you give me a kiss?"

And the princess was so desperate to get her needle and go back home to sew that she immediately agreed. So Francis leapt into the pond. Luckily for him, the needle was golden, and glinted from the bottom of the pond. He grabbed it in his mouth so his hands were free to swim, and swam back to shore.

Arthuretta was disgusted; that frog had its saliva all over her favorite sewing needle…

Francis dropped the needle onto the grass.

"May I have my kiss, ma cheri?" he inquired.

Arthuretta's mouth turned down in a disgusted scowl.

"Ew, no of course not!" she answered huffily, grabbing her needle and wiping it on the hem of her dress. "I would never kiss a frog! Go away!"

And she marched away, determined to get back to the castle and embroider some unicorns on her handkerchiefs and have a cup of tea.

**E: I do not embroider unicorns on handkerchiefs!**

Oh, give it a rest, Princess Grumpy. I need to finish this story, because one of my favorites comes up next. Now, on to the rest of the story!

Francis was a very persistent man… Frog. Um… Being. So, he hopped after Princess Arthuretta and followed her to the castle. The princess's father was far less temperamental than his daughter, and when the frog explained his predicament, the king invited him in for supper. And so, Francis the frog had a plate next to Princess Arthuretta's during the meal, despite her very vocal protests.

Vocal here meaning that she grumbled and shouted and said some very un-princess-like words for the entire meal, and refused to talk directly to either her father or Francis.

**F: How very sad… But so very like you, ****Angleterre****.**

**E: S-shut up! Bloody frog!**

But it was the last straw when the frog requested to sleep in the same room as the princess.

"You horrid, rotten, perverse little thing!" she screamed at Francis, before storming away, and locking the door to her room.

Admittedly, Francis himself could agree that it might be a little bit… (just a tiny bit, mind you) Dodgy, to ask to share a room with the princess.

**F: Ah, but ma cheri, it is only a way of showing love and affection! It is natural, I assure you!**

Setting the slightly perverted-

**F: I resent that!**

Frog's qualms aside for now… The king thought that the entire request was a joke, and brushed it off easily. And Francis went along with that. But, he did inform the king of what the princess had promised him – one kiss.

Now, the king was an honest man, and had always taught the princess to keep her promises. So if she'd promised the frog could have a kiss, then a kiss he would get. But even he couldn't get Princess Arthuretta to open up her door, not even by threatening to take away her needles and thread. When that failed, he shrugged and headed to bed, sure that the princess would see sense in the morning. After a few cups of tea. And some compromise. Maybe.

But Francis could tell how very upset the princess was about the whole ordeal, and felt a little guilty about his 'joke'. He sat quietly outside the door of her room, not quite sure what to say. It took him a while to realize a 'sorry' might be in order.

**E: I can see **_**that**_** happening.**

Hush, England.

Now… the frog was saying sorry, yes? Ah, there.

"I'm sorry for being so rude to you, princess."

There was silence from the other side of the door.

"You really are quite pretty," Francis continued.

Still no response.

"And I never meant to offend you. Please, if you would just give me that one kiss, and I'll never bother you again."

The door opened.

"… You mean it?"

"Yes, I'll leave, if that's what you want," Francis sighed.

"N-no," Arthuretta corrected, cheeks tinted red. "I meant… Did you mean it… when you said I was pretty?"

No one had ever told the princess that she was pretty. Not many people talked to her at all, in fact. That was why she spent most of her time sewing and imagining fairy creatures, and wondering what it would be like to be on a real adventure.

"Of course I did," Francis answered honestly.

He thought the princess was quite beautiful, even with her bad-tempered nature. Princess Arthuretta was so moved that she bent down, picked up the frog, and kissed him right on the mouth.

**E: How horrid…**

**F: Ah, you only think so because you do not appreciate romance.**

Then, there was a bright glow surrounding Francis, and he transformed magically back into a man. He and the princess shared another kiss, with no transformations whatsoever, and they lived happily ever after, despite many, many arguments and embarrassing situations.

**P: Hey! I wasn't in this one! Not awesome!**

**E: … Wait a minute. Prussia **_**wasn't**_** in this story… Why is he here?**

**P: The awesome me decided to grace you with my presence while waiting for my story, which is gonna be a million times more awesome than yours. And better be next!**

Prussia, play nice. And don't give the story away!

**F: I recall you doing just that in the last chapter…**

Yes, well I'm the only one allowed to ruin my sto- … No, wait, that didn't come out right. Anyway, yes, Prussia, you'll be in the next fairytale. But that's all anyone is getting, I tell you! After all, not even he knows what the story is…

**P: It better not be anything lame; the awesome me deserves something way more awesome than anyone else! An awesome story like The-**

The End


	4. Princess & the Pea: PruCan

**A/N: I STILL don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Thank you for your kind reviews, and thanks especially to HaniChanTwili for the awesome idea of a Peter Pan chapter! Also, I dedicate this chapter to Bookgirl14, who wanted a fairytale for Canada. Here you go!**

Guide

C = Canada

P = Prussia

G = Germany

I = Italy

The Princess and the Pea

On to our third fairytale-

**G: Isn't two enough? We need to get on with our meeting.**

**I: Ve~ But Germany, I like these stories!**

Yeah, tough potatoes, Mister Germany; I think everyone is enjoying these stories.

**P: Jeez, West, don't try to stop before I get my awesome story!**

**G: F-fine. **_**One**_** more story. That's it!**

Like you call the shots. In any case, our next story is based on the Princess and the Pea. So, let me begin!

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess from a land way up north. Her name was Matilda Williams.

**C: I-I'm the princess…?**

**P: Heh, you're pretty cute when you blush****.**

**C: H-hey, don't just say embarrassing things like that, eh!**

**P: It's not embarrassing, it's awesome... Prinzessin.***

Awww… Ah, but enough flirting, Prussia. I've barely even started the story… So, Ah…

Princess Matilda had long, wavy blonde hair, and soft blue eyes. Despite how beautiful she was, she was often forgotten about, due to her shy personality and super-outgoing big sister who isn't important to this story at all (sorry, America!). In any case, Matilda was very kind and loving, though often forgotten about.

She never got in any trouble, so her parents trusted her a lot. Enough, in fact, to take trips into the countryside by herself. Because if there as one thing Matilda loved, it was the outdoors. To her, there was nothing better than the sweet smell of pine, and the soft chatter of birds in the trees.

**C: That does sound nice…**

Unfortunately, that also meant that she had no protection.

**C: … That can't be good.**

It _wasn't_ good. Because one day, when Matilda was out riding her white horse Kumajiro in the woods, he was startled by a rabbit that had hopped into his path. Kumajiro reared, and the princess was thrown to the ground. She was left stranded as the white horse ran off into the forest.

**P: Hey! Are we going to get to the awesome me, or what?**

In a second! I was making the transition, ok? Jeez!

What Matilda didn't know, was that on the other side of the woods was a castle. The royal family living there consisted of Ludwig and Feliciana Beillschmidt

**I: Ah, that's me! Ve~! It is, isn't it? I'm in the story!**

Ahem. AND their son, Gilbert.

Now the king and queen (but mostly the queen) were in despair, because they could find no suitor for their son. He rejected every young princess that came to call, even the ones that passed Queen Feliciana's rigorous (and usually quite strange) tests to see if they were good enough for her son.

Prince Gilbert didn't like the idea of being tied down. He was wild and crazy, much to King Ludwig's chagrin.

**G: You have **_**no**_** idea.**

**P: Kesesesesesese…**

There was nothing Gilbert liked better than exploring the forest just outside his home. He enjoyed practicing his (admittedly impressive) swordsmanship there, and listening to the birds chirp happily in the trees. It was nice, to be surrounded by noise. Because no matter that he had a castle filled with servants, and had a loving mother and father… Prince Gilbert always felt so very, very alone.

**P: B-being alone is fun! S-see? It's fine!**

And as much as he would never admit it, being lonely was a terrible feeling.

But that still didn't mean he was going to get married to some random person. So… He found a yellow bird.

No, no, you heard that right, a bird. And after a few months of slow interaction, a friendship built between them. In fact, the bird liked Prince Gilbert so much that it began to perch on his head when he left the forest, and followed him everywhere. Eventually, his mother (oblivious as she was) noticed the animal, and brought up the question of what it was to be named. Prince Gilbert decided to christen the bird after himself, and came up with the inventive name 'Gilbird'.

**P: Gilbird! Gilbird is in the story! How awesome!**

Yes. Now shush for a bit.

Anyways, back to poor Princess Matilda, who was alone in the forest between her castle and the Beillschmidt castle. She cared deeply for her horse, Kumajiro, and chased immediately after him. Too bad for her, this only got her off the past and lost.

After a few hours, even she, who was so at home in nature, became panicked. Besides that, she hadn't eaten since she had left that morning at 5:00am, and she was achingly hungry, wishing only for a large plate of warm pancakes, drizzled in syrup.

**P: Now I'm hungry! Not awesome at all! Mattie, make me some of your super-awesome pancakes!**

**C: I-I'm getting hungry too, but I can't just make them on the spot, eh!**

**I: Ve~ let's ask someone to make food for us while we listen! I'd like some pasta please!**

**G: Italy, we can't just ask people to-**

I'm sure France can whip something up, since he's not in this one, but will you all PLEASE let me continue with the story? I'm just getting to the good part!

**I: I'm so sorry! We'll stop talking, right Germany?**

**G: … Yes, we'll **_**all **_**stop interrupting now.**

**P: … Feh.**

**C: I-I apologize, w-we really didn't mean to…**

No, no, it's fine, Canada. Now… Let's see… I was rambling about pancakes, right? Here we are!

And so, hungry and alone, the poor princess wandered around, trying to find her way home. Until it started raining. Princess Matilda was actually quite fragile, and even though the trees caught much of the rain, she was soaking and shivering in no time at all. When she was at the last of her strength, she stumbled into a clearing. Her glasses toppled to the ground, and the scene around her became fuzzy. Still, Matilda beheld another figure in the clearing, before everything went dark.

**C: Oh no…**

Prince Gilbert was startled when someone entered his clearing. Whipping around, he held up his sword, in case it was an enemy. Instead, he found a blonde-haired young lady passed out on the forest floor. It was a few minutes later and a few loud peeps from Gilbird before the prince was able to tear his eyes away from the stranger. When he did, he sheathed his weapon, and gently picked up the woman in his arms. Gilbird hopped down to grab her glasses in his beak, and then flew back to his perch on the prince's head.

Gilbert carried Matilda all the way back to his castle. She still hadn't woken by then, but his mother cooed over how cute she was, and how they would make such a nice couple, if only she were 'really a princess'.

Finally, Princess Matilda stirred, and nearly jumped when she woke to find three people and a little yellow chick staring down at her. The woman, a small brunette with one wild curl looked absolutely delighted, and began to ramble on so fast that Matilda didn't really catch any of the conversation.

"Who are you?" the king asked finally.

"I-I'm Princess Matilda Williams…" she got out. "B-but where am I?"

"Oh, you're at our castle, ve~" the woman informed her cheerily. "I'm Queen Feliciana Beillschmidt, and this is my husband, Ludwig, and our son Gilbert!"

Matilda nodded, still a little confused, but let it drop.

Now, as oblivious as the queen could be most of the time, she could see the small spark of interest in her son's eyes. It was definitely time for some tests! She'd see if this princess was good enough for Gilbert.

"Come with me!" the queen said, grabbing Matilda's hand and nearly dragging her off.

The Queen thought of every test she could think of, to see if Matilda was a real princess, and she passed them all. Still, so had all the others that Gilbert hadn't liked. And so Feliciana thought up one more test.

She ordered that a guest room be made up, and on top of the mattress was to be laid the thinnest piece of uncooked angel hair pasta in the entire castle. Then twenty more mattresses would be set on top of that. If Matilda could still feel the pasta noodle through all those mattresses, then that would definitely prove she was a princess. Or so the queen's logic went.

**G: … Why does this somehow seem like something that would actually happen…?**

**I: You're right, Germany! That's a really good idea to test for princesses. Ve~!**

I'm not quite sure that's what Germany meant… Um.. In any case…

So Matilda was led to the guest room, and though completely baffled by the twenty towering mattresses, didn't comment. She instead climbed a ladder all the way to the top, and laid down on the bed.

The next morning, when Queen Feliciana and King Ludwig woke up, Matilda was setting plates of… Something… On the table.

"You're up early," the king commented.

"Did you get a good night's sleep?" the queen added.

Matilda blushed, feeling almost ashamed to tell the truth.

"I-I'm afraid I didn't…" she mumbled. "Thank you for all the mattresses, but… It felt like I was lying on a stick the whole night…"

Then Queen Feliciana knew that Matilda was a real princess, and was completely overjoyed. Now if only Gilbert would propose to her…

It was something Queen Feliciana didn't have to worry about. Because as soon as Prince Gilbert smelled the unfamiliar but heavenly scent of the breakfast Matilda had made, he swore he'd marry her on the spot. That feeling strengthened once he actually got a bite of what Matilda told him was 'pancakes with maple syrup'.

Gilbert hadn't had much of a varied diet, since his parents were both obsessed with certain foods. So he always had to eat pasta, potatoes, or sausage. And this new food, these 'pancakes', were so decidedly _awesome_, that he never wanted Matilda to leave.

So he proposed. Matilda was taken aback, but eventually said yes. Then the two of them got married and lived happily ever after, and Gilbert never had to eat pasta for breakfast ever again.

**P: Yeah! Very awesome! Of course it was to be expected; I could make any story awesome.**

Both Feliciana and Ludwig were glad that their son was finally married. And watching the two interact, Queen Feliciana was reminded of her own romance. It was a rather interesting story. The Queen turned to look at the King and smiled. Maybe she would tell Gilbert and Matilda about it one day.

**I: Ve~! What a great ending! Right, Germany? Right?**

**G: Er… Yes. But… But that's it. No more stories. We have to get back to our meeting.**

**P: But West, that means you'll miss your story.**

**C: Yes, it sounded like it would be next…**

It is next. And Italy wants to hear. Right?

**I: Yes! Ve~ come on, Germany, let's hear the story, please?**

**G: … O-ok.**

Alright! The next story is yours! But for now, I think it's time for-

The End

*** Prinzessin is 'princess' in German, and is sometimes used as a sort of pet name for a girlfriend.**


	5. Cinderella: GerIta

Guide

G = Germany

I = Italy

Ro = Romano

Au = Austria

Sw = Switzerland

Cinderella

Ok, next story!

**G: **_**Last**_** story.**

Sorry, macho potato; I promised my readers, so there will be many, many more stories. Like ten more. At least. So ha.

**I: Ve~ You sound kind of like Big Brother Romano right now!**

** Ro: … Feh. As long as someone is screwing with that kraut-breath. At least I can relax.**

Um… Well, before anything… Unhappy, is started here, I'll start the story instead!

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Feliciana Vargas. She was pretty and cute and liked by many people.

**I: Ve~! It's me again! Hooray!**

Unfortunately, she had a bossy stepmother named Rhoda Edelstein.

**Au: … How rude…**

Really, it's nothing personal, Austria.

Um… in any case…

Feliciana also had two disagreeable stepsisters, Vasha and Lovina.

**Ro: Dammit, you made me one of the evil stepsisters?**

** Sw: … And me.**

**G: … Heh.**

** Ro: Shut up, stupid potato!**

Now, now, Lovino… Your story is next, ok, calm down, it's nothing personal, like I said to Austria, honest it's not; it's just that you and Italy are really siblings, and you are sort of disagreeable-

**Ro: I hate you!**

Um… I'll move on…

Let's see…

Feliciana was a kind and loving airhead. So her lazy sisters (or at least one of them was lazy) and bossy stepmom took advantage of her ditzy nature and made her do all the chores. That meant that poor Feliciana had to get up early in the morning to cook breakfast, and had to miss her siesta most days because she was cleaning.

**I: Oh no! Not **_**missing siestas**_**! How horrible…**

But Feliciana held out hope that things would one day get better, because that was just the kind of person she was.

At the same time, up in the kingdom's castle was Prince Ludwig Beillschmidt. The poor young man was constantly forced to go to dances hosted by his father, King Germania, in hopes that the romance-inept prince would finally find a wife.

Needless to say, it didn't work. At least… Not until one day, when the king got so fed up that he decided to not just invite princesses, but the whole kingdom's worth of young women!

Ludwig was not looking forward to that ball. At all.

**G: Who would be…?**

** I: Me! I would! Ve~ Dancing is fun!**

Yes. And that's exactly what Feliciana thought. Because every maiden in the kingdom was invited. And that meant her too!

But Rhoda knew how charming, if unintelligent, Feliciana was. So she decided she would do everything she could to keep Feliciana from going to the ball. She wanted one of her own daughters to marry the prince, so that she could be rich and live in the castle.

So when the invitations for the ball came, Rhoda put her plan into action.

"Ve~ I'm so excited! We're going to go to a ball!" Feliciana exclaimed, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Not if you can't finish all of your chores," Rhoda scolded, frowning. "And there's no way you can go to the ball looking like you do. You'll have to find a suitable dress to wear by then."

But Feliciana was too happy to worry. She'd do all her chores super fast, after all, if she was so happy. Now all she needed was a dress!

The rest of the family knew Feliciana would never be able to get a dress in time. And it was at that point that Lovina's conscience began to tug at her. She had lots of dresses… And, Feliciana looked really excited, you know. And… Maybe she could… Give Feliciana a dress?

**I: Aw, Romano, you're so nice! Ve~!**

** Ro: S-shut up, idiot.**

Heh, and there's true family right there. Anyway, back to the story.

When Rhoda and Vasha weren't looking, Lovina pulled Feliciana aside, and handed her a dress. Embarrassed at her own kindness, the brunette didn't look at her sister and merely shoved the clothing into her hands before walking away.

And Feliciana was so happy. Because she had a dress, and she just needed to finish her chores the rest of the week, and then she'd be able to go to the ball that weekend! So Feli cleaned and cooked and dusted and washed, and she finished her chores on Friday in record time. Then she slipped on the dress that Lovina had given her and a nice pair of shoes and twirled around before running down the stairs to join the others.

"I'm ready!" she called.

Rhoda looked up in surprise. She was so sure… How on earth did Feliciana get a dress?

"See? Ve~ I got a dress, so I can go, right?"

But Rhoda wouldn't give up so easily. She was, in fact, sipping a cup of tea, and 'accidentally' spilled it all over Feliciana's dress as the girl flounced up.

"Oh no," she said, falsely sympathetic. "Your dress… It's ruined! You don't happen to have a spare, do you?"

Lovina scowled at her mother, but it went unnoticed. Then she and Vasha were dragged away by Rhoda before Lovina could offer another one of her many dresses (most of which 'she didn't really like all that well anyway, dammit!'). Feliciana was left, stunned, in the entrance hall. And a few minutes after the others had left, a tear slipped down her cheek.

It was followed by another. And another. And many more after that. The poor girl collapsed onto her knees and cried.

But suddenly, there was a twinkling sound, and Feliciana stopped her crying and looked up to see a woman who resembled her Papa before he died, at least in the sweet way she smiled, and the slight crinkle around the edges of her eyes. She had brown hair, with the same curl Feliciana had, and wore golden robes.

**I: It's Grandpa Rome! He's the fairy godmother! Ve~!**

Yup, it sure is. Now let's let the fairy godmother do her magic, ok?

"Ve~? W-who are you?" Feliciana questioned.

"I'm your fairy godmother, Feli!" the lady told her. "And I'm here to get you ready for the ball!"

"B-but my dress…" Feliciana mumbled, looking down at the large tea stain on the skirt of her dress.

"Nothing a little magic can't fix!" the fairy godmother exclaimed, waving a magic wand that had appeared out of nowhere.

And, true to the fairy godmother's words, Feliciana's dress not only lost its stain, it also transformed into a dress with a fuller skirt, made of shimmering blue material. Feliciana's hair was twirled up into a bun. Her shoes had been transformed into glass slippers, small and delicate, and a perfect fit.

"Now, how to get you to the ball…" Feli's fairy godmother mused.

First, she took a large tomato out of the garden, and turned it into a carriage. Then with a flash, she'd made a box of pasta into four elegant horses. The family cat became a driver, and a few mice became coachmen.

Feliciana was stunned, but the fairy godmother urged her onwards.

"Hurry up, Feli! The spell only lasts until midnight, before everything will turn into the way it was, so go have fun! And don't forget! Everything changes back at midnight!"

And as Feliciana was sped away in the tomato carriage, her fairy godmother disappeared in a bunch of sparkles.

Meanwhile, at the castle, Ludwig was having the most horrible night of his life. All of the girls were odd and giggly, and he didn't think they really cared what he was saying at all. That is when they even let him talk. He just wanted the ball to be over with, so he could go get a beer and drink away his troubles. Or maybe take a nap. Either, really, as long as he could get away from all these girls with too much makeup and no personality.

He was just about to make some sort of excuse to leave when a slightly-tousled but lovely girl rushed in. She had light brown hair with one strand stubbornly curling up from her head. Immediately, the prince was interested. This girl wasn't wearing any makeup. She'd made no attempt to look elegant as she entered, rushing in, and then leaning over panting to catch her breath.

So he walked up to her, and grabbed one of her small hands. Startled, she looked up and met his eyes. Prince Ludwig was entranced. Feliciana's dark eyes were large and innocent and beautiful.

**I: Aw, how cute… Right Germany?**

**G: … Er... Y-yeah.**

Ludwig tried his very best not to stutter and get flustered, but his cheeks turned a light shade of pink anyway. Eventually he was able to ask Feliciana for a dance, and she accepted happily. Germania, who was watching from a balcony, was hopeful that his son had finally found a girl to marry.

Unfortunately for both the king, the prince and poor Feliciana, the ball ended well after midnight. Now, Feliciana had been having such a good time dancing with the prince (and trying some of the pasta; hey, what else were tables of food for, right?) that she had pretty much forgotten about her deadline. Until the clock began to chime midnight.

**I: Uh oh!**

So with a hasty goodbye thrown over her shoulder, Feliciana rushed out the castle doors. Germania would have none of that, so he ordered the city gates to be closed. But Feliciana was already outside the city, her carriage racing down the dirt road towards her home. Halfway there, the magic spell ended, and Feli landed with a thump on the ground, squishing the tomato that had once been a carriage. She was back in Lovina's tea-stained dress, surrounded by pasta, tomato, and mice. Blinking tears out of her brown eyes, Feliciana picked up the cat and trudged back to her house.

**I: Ve~ That's s-so s-s-saaaaaaaad!**

** G: C-calm down, Italy…**

Don't worry, there will be a happy ending, ok?

Feli was totally prepared to go back to her normal life. But everything changed the next morning. The news was all over the countryside; the prince had fallen in love with the girl he had danced with at the ball, and was determined he would find and marry her.

This of course would have been a monstrously hard task except for one thing; in her hasty retreat, Feliciana had lost one of her glass shoes. And everyone knows glass is hardly pliable, so the slipper would have to fit perfectly for the girl to be the right one. So Germania gave the order that the shoe was to be tried on every maiden in the kingdom, if need be.

It was early afternoon when the Duke of the kingdom, tiny glass slipper in hand, knocked on the door of the house Feli shared with her sisters and stepmother. He was weary from searching, and hoped fervently that the mystery girl was in this house, because otherwise it would be a day's ride to the next city in the kingdom.

Upon seeing the Duke holding the slipper (and seeing how petite it really was), Rhoda locked poor Feli in her room while the girl was getting changed into her best dress (which wasn't much, poor girl). She didn't want to risk that the slipper fit Feliciana's small feet.

Both Lovina and Vasha tried on the slipper, but to no avail. It was simply too small. Rhoda was furious.

Meanwhile, Feliciana was trying desperately to open her door. And then, she realized something. Pulling a box of uncooked pasta from under her bed, Feli plucked out one spaghetti noodle, and used it to pick the lock (just how Lovina had taught her!).

**I: Romano, look! See all the nice things you did in the story! I guess you're not really an evil stepsister after all!**

** Ro: … O-of course I'm not, dammit!**

Feliciana rushed out of her room, and was almost to the stairs when she realized that maybe she should bring the other slipper too! So she rushed back to get it, and slipped it into the pocket of her white apron.

The Duke was just about to leave, sighing wearily at the thought of the long trip ahead of him when he heard a call on the stairs.

"Ve~! Wait, wait! Can I try it on?"

Ecstatic, the Duke nodded, and turned to give her the slipper. It was a perfect fit, and to add to that, Feli had the matching slipper. So she was driven to the palace at once, and the prince proposed to her (clumsily). She (of course) said yes, and the two of them were married the next day. Feliciana lived happily ever after in the palace, and ate as much pasta as she wanted. And the stepsisters and Rhoda got nothing (at least for now… I have a feeling someone in this story is going to make a return appearance in a few chapters… but shhh!)

**I: Ve~! That was such a good story! Right, Germany? Right? Didn't you like it?**

**G: Yeah, it was… Nice, Italy.**

**Au: I didn't like it.**

You're probably not going to like the next one either… But you do sort of… Oh, I don't want to spoil anything!

**Sw: So who's going to be showing up in a few chapters?**

I can't tell you that! I'm only allowed to badly foreshadow one chapter ahead at a time!

**Ro: You already foreshadowed a few chapters ahead, stupid. About three paragraphs ago.**

That was just hinting, silly, not foreshadowing. There's a difference!

**Ro: You are such a-!**

The End


	6. Emperor's New Clothes: AusHun

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. This chapter dedicated to sotnosen93, for whom I added as much AusHun romance as I could for this sort of fairytale…**

Guide

Au = Austria

H = Hungary

P = Prussia

Sp = Spain

F = France

The Emperor's New Clothes

Ok, your next story is the Emperor's New Clothes, and-

**H: H-hey, this isn't a romance fairytale!**

Um, no, no it's not. Sorry; I just thought it would fit. In any case, I'd like to-

**H: Why don't I get a romantic story?**

L-look, hold your horses, lady! And put down that frying pan! You'll get your happy ending, ok? Jeez… Now, does anyone else have something to say, or can I start?

**P: The awesome me-**

No. Just no. Seriously, Prussia. Whatever it is, no. Besides, it was a rhetorical question anyway. I'm starting now.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom that happened to be around the center of Europe, there lived an emperor named Roderich Edelstein. He was classy and wealthy, and though his only true passion was for his piano, he was incredibly vain about his clothes.

**Au: … I'm starting to tire of these stories where I am made the fool…**

Yes, well… The ending will be good? Er… Anyways.

The piano had been handcrafted by a woman in the capital city of the kingdom, whose name was Elizabeta. She enjoyed cooking, and making instruments as well, though she liked the emperor more. Every time the piano needed work, she would sprint to the palace, glad to have an excuse to see Emperor Roderich.

But this story isn't really about the love struck Elizabeta-

**H: Grrr…**

Or the Emperor's piano. It's about the con of the century, and the three hooligans that pulled it off.

**F: Ah, I believe that's our cue, mes amis!**

** Sp: It is? That's wonderful!**

** P: Well, of course we would be the main characters; especially the awesome me!**

… Indeed. Well, though I'd normally say this trio needs no introduction, this is a fairytale, so everyone needs an introduction.

You see, there were three friends who just loved to con nobles and royalty. They had never been caught, so smooth and slick were they. This trio's names were Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio. They had been friends since childhood. Their reason for entering the Emperor's city was to steal from the emperor himself, of course. Their plan was simple but effective, playing on the egos of everyone in the city.

But I can't spoil it by telling you now~!

So the three friends, guised as tailors, marched up to the emperor's palace and asked to be admitted. Out of curiosity, Emperor Roderich allowed them in. Since the three were all of different ethnicities (French, German, and Spanish, respectively) he was intrigued further. Surely men from such different backgrounds working together would have the best of skill and fashion, right?

The three claimed they could spin the most wonderful, luxurious cloth in the world, if they had the right materials. And they offered to make the emperor a whole new set of clothes out of it, free of charge, so long as he provided them the finest fabrics and materials to work with. After all, they, as poor, hardworking tailors, were not rich enough to procure such wonderful fabric on their own.

**P: I am sensing a very awesome plan…**

** Sp: I'm not sure I understand what the plan is, amigos…**

** F: Ah, you have not heard this story before, mon ami?**

** Sp: N-no, I haven't…**

Well, don't spoil it for him, guys. And try not to chatter; otherwise this will just take longer than it needs to.

**Sp: You can count on us!**

Thank you, Spain. Where was I…? Ah, yes, the plan.

Now, the 'tailors' told the Emperor, this cloth was special; magic. No one who was mean or stupid or unfit for their job could see this cloth. The idea pleased the emperor, and the 'tailors' were hired at once, especially when they offered to work for free (the Emperor was nothing if not somewhat frugal; except when it came to pianos…).

Emperor Roderich ordered that, if they could, the tailors finish by the next morning, as he had a parade through the city to lead. All three cheerfully obliged, and asked for a room to get started at once.

When they were provided with materials and a loom and given a workroom in the palace, the three con men kept the doors locked, claiming their concentration couldn't be disturbed. In reality, the three men were doing absolutely no work at all.

After a few hours, Emperor Roderich was anxious to know how his new suit was coming along. So he sent his Chancellor and his General to see how things were coming along. Of course, he had the ulterior motive of seeing if the two were really worthy to hold their jobs; to see if they could see the cloth.

Now, neither of the two men could see anything at all. But seeing the three tailors acting so convincingly like something was there, they worried. They had heard what the three men had told the Emperor.

Am I stupid, wondered the Chancellor. Perhaps I am mean, the General thought, mortified. But neither wanted to be humiliated like that, so they praised the cloth and the workmanship, and went back to tell the king how truly wonderful it all was.

**Sp: Oh! I get it! There's really nothing there!**

Yup. There really _was_ nothing there; but no one wanted to be seen as mean or stupid or unworthy of their job.

Then, Elizabeta came to the castle, to work on the Emperor's piano, and she heard about the magical cloth. She was a very down-to-earth woman, and didn't buy the 'magic' of the cloth for a second.

**H: That's right!**

So she went to the workroom to see what was up. Unfortunately for her, Francis and Gilbert knew enough not to let her in, so they sent Antonio out to be charming and distracting, hoping it would help her forget her suspicions.

"So who are you?" Elizabeta asked, frowning at the brown-haired, green-eyed man before her.

"I'm Antonio!" he introduced cheerfully, forgetting his agreement with Francis and Gilbert that none of them would give away their names.

"And what exactly are you three doing in there?" the woman demanded, stomping her foot.

At this motion, Antonio noticed that for some reason she had a frying pan clutched in her right hand.

"We're making a suit for the emperor, out of magic cloth!"

Elizabeta still didn't believe a word of it, but Antonio's eyes were cheery and innocent, and she was sure she could get nothing out of the other two. So she turned sharply and left, still scheming on how to stop them from pulling off whatever their plan was. They were up to something, for sure. Elizabeta didn't like the look in the French one's eyes, nor the albino German's grin. They were suspicious. Very suspicious.

**H: No kidding they are! That stupid Prussia! And France is such a pervert!**

**F: You wound me, ma cheri…**

**P: I'm not stupid, I'm awesome, you crazy frying-pan-wielding-**

GUYS! Calm down, everyone! Ok?

**H: Hmph.**

**P: …**

The next morning, Emperor Roderich came to the workroom to see his fine new clothes for himself.

"We worked all night to finish your awesome clothes," the German added, holding up something.

Except. There. Was. _Nothing_. There. And the emperor's insides tightened in worry. Was he stupid? Or maybe he was mean… Was he unfit to be the emperor? But if everyone else could see the clothes, then that meant that they were there. If he didn't say anything, no one would ever know that he couldn't see them!

**Au: Oh no…**

So, with the help of the three tailors, he took off his old clothes and put on the new suit. Then, he went to lead the procession through the city, in naught but his boxers.

**H: …**

Oh, goodness, is she ok? I think she fainted… Is that a nosebleed…?

**F: And she calls me a pervert…**

Shut up, France; someone wake her up, is she alright?

** H: … I-I'm f-fine…**

O-ok, well, we'll continue then…

Um… Everyone in the city had heard the tale of the magic suit. No one could see the Emperor's 'magical clothes' though; but none of them wanted to admit to being stupid or mean. Until a small child with auburn hair and a tiny curl piped up.

"Why isn't that man wearing any clothes, Grandpa?" he asked the tall man next to him, who had a matching curl.*

It was only then that people realized; they had all been tricked. Elizabeta got there just as people began to shout. Quickly, she handed Emperor Roderich a spare set of clothes, blushing all the while. She'd expected something like this, and had come prepared, if a bit late.

While that whole fiasco was going on, though, the con men were packing up all the valuable cloth and getting ready to make their escape. Elizabeta realized this as soon as the emperor was dressed. So she went out, wielding a large frying pan, and brought back the two con men.

**F: Ah… Ma cheri, I hate to interrupt… but there are three of us, no?**

Once again, France, your powers of perception are wonderful.

You see, Miss Elizabeta was only able to capture two of the men who had fleeced the emperor. Their Spanish friend (the only one naïve and trusting enough to give his name, if you'll remember) got away, and escaped the horrible punishment of being creamed by a frying pan every day for the rest of his life.

**P: H-hey, NOT awesome! Why did Spain get away and not us?**

I'd say it's because you two are idiots, but that would be mean… Um, in any case…

Roderich had secretly admired the hard-working Elizabeta, and was always glad to call on her whenever he could. Seeing her devotion to him was enough to get up the courage to admit his feelings. And he was so glad that at least those two con men had been caught, that he proposed to Elizabeta on the spot.

**H: Yes!**

She, of course, accepted, and everyone lived happily ever after, except for the two con men who had been captured.

Antonio ended up in a desert city, and some very interesting things befell him. But that is neither here nor there at the moment.

**P: I demand a different ending!**

** F: I do too! Ma cheri, you can't be cruel enough to-**

The End

* Check it out, guys! Cameo by Chibitalia and Grandpa Rome!

PS: Mon Dieu, I am beginning to think my readers are psychic... In any case, to my anonymous reviewer, about their request: I had actually already planned to do that idea (thus the psychic comment…) and you can expect it in a few more chapters~!


	7. Aladdin: Spamano

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Lumoa, for her Spamano fetish (and mine…)!**

Guide

Sp = Spain

Ro = Romano

T = Turkey

Aladdin and the Magic Lamp

And now, we'll own up on some of the earlier foreshadowing!

You see, Lovina, from the Cinderella (or should I call it CinderFeli?) story was not actually Rhoda's child. She was Feliciana's real sister, which was pretty obvious because they looked so much alike. In any case, she'd heard word from her father, who had become the sultan of a desert city, and went to live with him.

**Ro: Dammit, I don't want to be the princess!**

** Sp: But Lovi~ you'd make such a cute princess!**

** Ro: S-shut up, bastard!**

Of course, being the loving (read: suffocating) parent he was, he wanted his daughter to marry almost immediately after she became a princess. But Lovina was bad-tempered, and she turned down all of the suitors that came to call.

"He was stupid."

"He tried to feel me up!"

"He didn't even know how to make pizza, dammit!"

Those were just some of the reasons Lovina gave for rejecting every man who came to call.

**Sp: Haha, Lovi, that sounds just like you~!**

Don't provoke him, Spain…

So the princess got bored very quickly, holed up in the palace, and often snuck out, disguised as a peasant.

Also out on the streets of this desert city was a young man that you will hopefully remember from the last chapter; Antonio Carriedo. He'd had no money after the slightly failed caper he and his two friends had attempted to pull, so he was stuck stealing food for both himself and his little turtle Pedro, and living in a rundown abandoned building. But he was very cheerful and optimistic, so he didn't mind that much.

**Ro: You mean he was stupid so he didn't mind.**

** Sp: That's mean, Lovi!**

So now that we've reintroduced our main characters, why don't we start the real story; the day that the two of them met.

Lovina was on another of her secret escapades from the boring and way too large palace, when she got hungry. So she grabbed a tomato from the nearest vendor and bit into it.

"Hey! You'll have to pay for that!" the shop owner snarled.

So Lovina reached into her pocket to slap some cash on the guy's table, except… She didn't have any money in her pocket. She'd left it all at the castle. Oops.

The vendor called the city's soldiers, but at the last second, a young man with brown hair and green eyes grabbed Lovina's wrist and helped her escape. He had a small green turtle clinging to his head as they ran.

"I'm Antonio!" he told her cheerfully, picking her up to leap onto a rooftop. "What's your name?"

"L-Lovina," she got out, trying to struggle from Antonio's grip.

He set her down and they continued to run, chased by more and more soldiers.

"L-leave me alone, dammit! I can take care of myself!" Lovina protested eventually, even as he tugged her out of the way of a soldier's sword.

**Sp: Stubborn, stubborn, Lovi~!**

** Ro: Dammit, shut up!**

Now, now, guys! I have to finish this story eventually, you know! Let's see…

Antonio just smiled, shaking his head. At long last and after much complaining by the girl, they shook off the soldiers and Antonio led them to his little makeshift house. It was really only a rundown building (as explained before), but Antonio thought nothing of it.

"H-hey, where are we?" Lovina demanded.

"My temporary little home," Antonio told her, patting the wall fondly. "It has the best view in the city."

And even as Lovina scoffed, the Spaniard pulled away the ragged piece of cloth serving as a curtain for the gaping hole in the building wall, to reveal a perfectly framed view of the palace. It was beautiful.

They just stayed there, enjoying the view for a while, but the sun was beginning to set, and Lovina knew she had to get home before her clingy dad noticed she was missing. Antonio knew it wasn't safe for anyone to walk around alone after dark, so he went with her, despite her protests. And that's how Antonio found out that he had a crush on the princess.

And how he got thrown into the dungeon.

Of course, Lovina had stormed her way into the palace, and so she didn't see her escort get dragged away by palace guards, under order of the Sultan's advisor, Sadiq Adnan.

**T: Wait a minute there! Are ya really gonna make me the bad guy, here?**

Ahem… Yes, well… On with the story!

The next morning, Sadiq commented on how very 'fortunate' Lovina was, and turning to the masked man with a scowl, she demanded why.

"Because you made it to the gate in time! Why you barely escaped that hooligan following you!"

"H-hooligan?" the princess scoffed. "You mean that stupid guy with me? He was just escorting me home, cuz he didn't think I was safe on my own."

"Oh… That is too bad…" Sadiq murmured. "He was arrested… And he's been sentenced to execution, for kidnapping the princess."

"Wh-what? What do you mean kidnapping, dammit? I went out on my own, cuz I'm sick of this stupid too-big palace and creeps like you!"

The princess ran off to her room. And she wasn't crying. Not at all, ok?

**Ro: D-don't insinuate things with excessive denial, dammit!**

Why not? You do it all the time…

In any case… Antonio was not really sentenced for death. But he had been locked in the dungeon, though the sultan didn't know about it. And late that night, while Pedro, Antonio's turtle, was trying to pick the lock, Antonio was visited by Sadiq himself. The advisor had an offer to make.

"There's something I need you to get for me… You see… I can't get it myself; but you can, and if you do, I'll even let you go," he explained, tapping a brick in the dungeon wall.

**T: What, now I got some kinda secret agenda?**

Shush, Turkey.

An entire section of the wall slid away to reveal a tunnel with many, many stairs spiraling down into darkness.

"Down there…" Sadiq explained. "Down there you'll find a lamp. Bring it to me, and all the treasure in the cave is yours. But first ya gotta bring me the lamp, before ya touch anything else. Ya got that?"

Antonio was leery of the masked man before him, but nodded anyway. It was his only chance for escape. So he was unchained, and walked, with a shaking Pedro atop his head, down into the dark abyss. Along the path, he saw many gems and golden objects, but like instructed, didn't touch anything. Finally, he saw a lamp atop a small stone pedestal and took it. As he turned back, though, Pedro toppled to the ground, and landed on a pile of gold. Everything started to melt into churning lava, and Antonio grabbed his turtle and ran for his life. Finally, he reached the door in the dungeon, and leapt for it as the stairs crumbled beneath him.

"The lamp! Give it to me, and I'll pull ya up!" Sadiq shouted.

So Antonio threw the lamp over the edge of the doorway. Sadiq grabbed his tanned wrist… But then pulled out a knife. Pedro, seeing the metal glint in the light of the quickly hardening lava below them bit down harshly on Sadiq's hand. He released them, and the two went tumbling downwards, on a hill of already hardened magma. The door far, far above them slid shut.

**Sp: Oh no!**

They were trapped. So Antonio looked around, seeing nothing much at all. Except… In one corner sat a small wooden crate.

"Eh? What's this? A box…" Antonio muttered to himself, using his sleeve to rub away some dust. "What does this say, here? To… Ma… To?"

And with a huge poof of red smoke, a figure appeared.

"W-who are you?" Antonio stammered.

"I'm the Tomato Box F- er… Genie!"

**Sp: How exciting! A real genie!**

Well… the man certainly did _look_ like a tomato… He had messy green hair and red skin. But…

"I guess… I do understand, with the name and all… But… Don't genies come in lamps?" Antonio questioned, scratching his head.

"Let me tell you something, kid," the genie said seriously. "Not every genie has the same lamp, but _every genie has a lamp_."

Antonio nodded, still confused.

**Ro: As usual…**

"So…" the genie continued. "You get three wishes!"

Antonio grinned.

"Really? That's great! Then I can become a prince and get the princess to fall in love with me!"

The Tomato Box Genie paused.

"Actually… There are some restrictions; some rules, you see? No making people fall in love, no wishing people dead, no bringing people back to life… And no wishing for more wishes! You got all that, buster?"

Antonio thought about it quietly, and ticked them off on his fingers.

"Si, I've got it!"

Then, after a few seconds of quiet thought, something occurred to the Spaniard.

"Wait… How am I supposed to get out of this cave?"

The genie laughed loudly.

"It's simple!"

Before Antonio could ask just what the genie meant, there was a 'poof', and he, the genie, and Pedro the turtle were standing at the edge of a sandy oasis.

"And now, for your second wish!" the genie said expectantly.

Antonio blinked for a second.

"Wait a minute… I didn't make a wish!" he replied, tapping a finger against his chin.

"H-hey, you tricked me!" the Tomato Box Genie shouted.

But Antonio hadn't really. The genie was just too eager to please.

"Well, fine, but no more free wishes, I tell you!" the genie ranted.

"I… Wish to be a prince," Antonio got out slowly.

If he were a prince, then he could marry the princess. After all, no one would let some random peasant in to the palace. So, once again eager to please, the Tomato Box Genie turned Antonio's ragged clothes into fancy ones, changed Pedro from a small turtle into a magnificent bull, and made a whole entourage appear so that Antonio could parade into the city as Prince Tony!

And that's exactly what he did. The sultan was charmed, of course; especially for such a handsome suitor to come see his daughter. She, of course, wasn't so pleased. He was showy and predictable. He wanted the power and the money, just like all the others.

**Sp: N-no way! I would never!**

I know, Spain, I know. But the princess didn't know that.

So she stormed away to her room as usual.

**Ro: … Hmph.**

And that made 'Prince Tony' feel awful. So he walked out to the gardens under the princess's window, and had Pedro give him a boost up. Lovina was just wandering out onto the balcony at that time, and she shrieked.

"L-look, Princess… I'm really sorry for whatever it was that made you mad… Please give me a second chance…? You won't regret it, I promise!"

He was sincere and innocent, but Lovina wouldn't see it.

"Y-you're just like all the other princes, stupid bastard! A-always after the title sultan, or just a pervert after my body!" she shouted, shoving him off the balcony.

Seconds after she'd done so, Lovina realized that the prince had actually fallen, and gasped, leaning over the edge to see if he had killed him. N-not that she was worried, or anything…

And though she was, she needn't have been, because Pedro the bull had jumped up and caught Antonio on his back. Lovina let out a breath of relief at seeing that he was safe, and her eyes widened when he held out a hand.

"Come on!"

The bull looked intimidating… But the prince's hand was so large and safe-looking… He would protect her. … N-not that she needed protecting, though!

**Ro: Y-yeah! I don't need to be protected, dammit!**

So she jumped down, closing her eyes. Prince Tony caught her, and they rode Pedro outside the castle walls, out into the countryside, and watched the sunset. And Lovina felt comfortable to talk with him, so they talked, and talked, and he even brought out a slice of pizza he'd made for her, since the sultan had told him it was her favorite dish. It was delicious, but she'd never admit it to him.

"You remind me… Of this guy I met in the market," Lovina said eventually.

And though he picked up the cute little blush staining her cheeks-

**Ro: Hey! W-what kind of embarrassing drivel is this?**

** Sp: I think it's cute, Lovi…**

** Ro: Who c-cares what you think, idiot?**

Romano… Please behave, or I might have to ask France to come sit next to you, ok?

**Ro: …**

Thank you. Now… My spot was… Cute little blush… Ah! Here!

And though he picked up on the cute little blush staining her cheeks, Antonio was terrible at sensing the atmosphere; so he vehemently denied any connection to anyone in the marketplace. A princess deserved better than some poor street kid, right? He didn't know she hadn't always been a princess.

Lovina glanced at the green-eyed man beside her. He was… Different than all the others. Not only could he cook (pizza, and that was really all that mattered), he didn't seem to care for money or power; he was a simple man, made happy by simple things, like tiny turtles and plump tomatoes and rosy sunsets. And, though Princess Lovina didn't realize it, by her.

T-that didn't mean she would marry him, by any means!

**Ro: Yeah! That's right!**

He could still be a pervert after her body, after all. And he was kind of weird anyway. And stupid. Really, really stupid.

**Sp: L-Lovi… You don't think I'm really, really stupid, do you?**

** Ro: … D-dammit.**

** Sp: That means no! I'm sure it does! If you really hated me you'd be able to tell me without that cute little blush on your face, Lovi~!**

AHEM.

The two of them eventually rode back to the palace. The next morning, Lovina was almost happy when she woke and as she was practically skipping to breakfast, Lovina saw her father standing with Sadiq.

"Lovi," her dad told her sternly, "you need to find a husband soon! And Sadiq has volunteered to be your husband. Don't you think he'd make a wonderful sultan; with all his experience in the palace?"

Princess Lovina scowled darkly.

"No! I'm marrying Prince Tony!" she protested, not even realizing what she'd said until after the fact.

The 'prince' had been on the stairs when Lovina shouted, and rushed down to hug her.

"Really? Do you mean it?" he asked happily.

And the sultan decided that, if his daughter had actually found a nice, good-looking prince to marry, that was good enough for him. It wasn't good enough for Sadiq. But he had a trick up his sleeve. He'd recognized the 'prince' as Antonio, and knew the boy had the real genie with him (how else could he have escaped?). He'd been infuriated at having found the lamp was a fake. So while Prince Tony and Lovina were off getting to know each other, Sadiq had snuck into Tony's room and taken the only thing that was new; the tomato box. And so he had the genie on his side!

So he whipped out the small crate and opened it.

Now, beyond just being an advisor and a scheming bad guy-

**T: Hey!**

Sadiq was also a skilled sorcerer. And he had the power to change things to how they were, and he would prove tho the princess just what kind of lowly thief she'd put her trust in!

"So what do ya think of your oh-so-dashing prince now, huh?" Sadiq laughed, zapping some sort of magic at Tony.

And then… Tony was Antonio, the boy from the marketplace. And Lovina realized… It had been Antonio the whole time. His bull charged at Sadiq, only to be turned back into the small turtle that had been sitting atop Antonio's head when he and Lovina had first met.

"My first wish," the sorcerer said smugly to the red-skinned genie beside him, "is to be the sultan!"

"G-genie! Amigo, don't do it!" Antonio shouted desperately.

"Sorry, Antonio… He has my tomato box…" the genie lamented.

And with a bright poof of magic, Sadiq was wearing the sultan's clothes, and the sultan was dressed in ragged peasant clothes.

And using his magic, Sadiq tossed Antonio into a room, and sealed the door over with stone. There would be no way out. Then the sorcerer comfortably assumed the throne, zapping both the princess and the king into chains. Sadiq made his next wish idly, not listening to the Tomato Box Genie's protests about the 'rules'; his second wish was that the princess would fall madly in love with him. Lovina wanted to gag.

**Sp: Oh no! Lovi!**

Antonio was desperate. And luckily for him, he'd been locked in the armory. He grabbed the first weapon he could reach; it was a huge axe, almost a halberd. Somehow, the monstrous weapon felt almost comfortable in Antonio's calloused hands. With a mighty swing, the palace wall split in two.

**Ro: W-whoa…**

** T: … Uh oh…**

Even Sadiq recoiled at the crash. And the murderous look in Antonio's green eyes. With more speed than should have been possible, the axe-wielding man was across the room, slashing the weapon at the sorcerer. Even Sadiq's powerful magic couldn't keep up with the Spaniard's rage. So he needed to make his last wish. And he would wish…

"I wish to be a genie!" he shouted.

Not able to watch, the Tomato Box Genie turned his head as he shot a beam of magic at Sadiq. The sorcerer grinned as he felt his power growing. He would be invincible! No one could stop a genie!

And then Antonio remembered something.

"Every genie… Needs a lamp!" he shouted, holding up a gold statue of a cat. Sadiq's eyes widened as he was sucked into the cat statue.

"No!"

When the sorcerer had been completely sealed inside, the Tomato Box Genie picked up the statue and hurled it far, far, far, far, far into the distance.

**Sp: Hooray!**

The next day, Princess Lovina and Antonio were preparing for their wedding.

"You know, amigo," Antonio said to the Tomato Box Genie conversationally, "it's a good thing you are a genie, or we could have all been in trouble with Sadiq's last wish."

Now, the Tomato Box Genie was ashamed.

"I'm not really a genie," he said. "I'm a fairy…"

And from his back, two shimmery wings unfurled. But neither princess Lovina nor the soon-to-be-prince Antonio cared that the Genie was really only a fairy.

**Ro: T-tomato box fairy? That sounds like something my stupid brother would come up with!**

"Wait, if you're a fairy…" Antonio started, thinking to himself.

"I couldn't turn Sadiq into a Genie, yes," the fairy finished. "I turned him into a fairy like me, instead, but he's sealed up inside of that golden cat statue, so he shouldn't ever get out!"

**Ro: That doesn't even make sense, dammit!**

** Sp: Sure it does, Lovi~! Fairies can turn people into fairies, and genies can turn people into genies!**

** Ro: … I-idiot.**

So everyone shrugged and went on with their lives, and Antonio and Lovina were married and lived happily (ish) ever after!

**Sp: Did you hear that Lovi? We got married!**

** Ro: S-shut up! We did not, dammit! It's j-just a story!**

And no one ever knew what would befall Sadiq the fairy… Until the golden statue was smashed, centuries later by a careless queen…

**Sp: Eh? I wonder what that m-**

But that really has nothing to do with this story, so let's stay positive shall we!

The End


	8. Sleeping Beauty: Giripan

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to my super-psychic anonymous reviewer! And sorry, PrussianAwesomeness, no Rumplestiltskin! But… Maybe it will show up later now that you have given me the idea… **

Guide

G = Greece

J = Japan

T = Turkey

E = England

F = France

S = Seychelles

Sleeping Beauty

Ok, well, our next story has lots of characters, so bear with me! Er, that is though… Half of them only have minor roles.

**S: I'm one of the minor roles, right?**

Yeah… Sorry, Seychelles… It's not you personally, really, it's just… You fit as the mediating minor character, and…

Why am I explaining myself in such detail; just know you're cool, and on with the story!

Ok! Once upon a time, there was a lovely queen and her husband. Unfortunately for them, they're not really all that important. Except, that they had a daughter. She was a pretty girl with soft brown hair and olive green eyes, named Hera. Above all, Hera absolutely adored cats.

And since she was a princess, she usually got what she wanted. Little Hera had four cats, and every sort of cat sculpture, painting, or jewelry that the king and queen could find. One of the crown jewels of her cat collection was a solid gold cat statue, sold to them by a merchant from the east, who had found it buried in the desert sand.

It was the princess's fourth birthday. She had just eaten her supper, and was ready to receive her presents. They would be gifts, bestowed by three fairies. The first fairy, a blonde named Francisca, bestowed the gift of Beauty on Princess Hera.

**E: Bah, what kind of a useless gift is beauty?**

** F: Ah, mon cher, you only say that because you do not possess such a gift.**

** E: Shut up, you bloody frog!**

Guys, cool it! We need to get to the plot, you know?

The second fairy, Arthuretta (no connection to the princess of the same name), gave her the gift of Intelligence. And just as the third fairy, Veronique (that would be Seychelles)

**S: At least I get a name…**

Well, yes. I think it's a nice name, don't you? Er… Where was I? Oh, yes!

Just as Veronique was about to bestow another gift on Princess Hera, the queen stumbled and knocked over the princess's precious golden cat statue. It crashed against the stone floor of the castle and cracked, and out rose the vengeful fairy, Sadiq Adnan, who I think you may just recall from our lat story.

**G: That guy is in my story?**

** T: What'cha gonna do about it? And why am I the villain again, huh?**

Er… I'll get you a story where you're a good guy, honest I will. But not this one.

Ahem; beyond being just miffed that he was simply a fairy than being the genie he wanted to be, he was annoyed at being cooped up in a statue for three centuries. And having to listen to a child, namely the princess, talking and laughing just peeved him. So he cursed the princess.

"On your eighteenth birthday, you'll be scratched by a cat and die!" he shouted, before laughing maniacally and flying away.

On his shimmery fairy wings.

**T: HEY!**

Hahaha… Couldn't resist. On with the story, then…

Seeing as she still had a gift left to bestow, Veronique used her magic to save Princess Hera.

"When you get scratched by the cat, you will not die, but you and everyone in the castle will simply fall into a deep, deep sleep, and you'll be awakened by true love's first kiss."

But the king and queen still worried. And so they had every cat removed from the kingdom. Each and every single one shipped far, far away. Not one cat was left in the kingdom.

**G: That's… So sad…**

** J: It is…**

And poor princess Hera could only dream of her precious kitties, and draw and sculpt. But she ended up sleeping more and more and more as the years went on, having dreams of frolicking with cats of all shapes and sizes and colors.

Her parents could do nothing to soothe her, and watched helplessly as their daughter grew more listless every day. Eventually, Princess Hera, almost seventeen, took to wandering the woods just outside the village. And one day she was spotted by a handsome young man with short black hair; that is, Prince Kiku, from the next kingdom over.

He had been introduced to cats at the young age of six, when many had been shipped into his kingdom. The prince had grown very fond of the animals, and kept many as pets in his home. Still, he liked the open outdoors, and the fresh air, and tranquil places. So he often walked in the woods.

And it was during one of those walks that he saw Princess Hera. She was beautiful; in his eyes, the most lovely woman in the world. But the prince was a very shy young man.

**G: Yeah… I think… That sounds… About right.**

** J: I-I suppose that is right.**

(Sooooo tempted to yell 'Man up or I'll beat you with my Peace Prize' right now… Hetalia dub FTW)

_Anyway_, Kiku followed the princess around on her daily walks; just in case she ran into any wild animals. The prince was quite skilled in martial arts and swordsmanship, so she would definitely be safe with him.

And he was able to protect her, on occasion, from any bear or wolf that happened to near, though the princess was too out of it, dreaming of cats, to notice. This continued for another year; until the princess's eighteenth birthday. Her parents were going to announce her engagement to the prince of a nearby kingdom, and they didn't want to risk her seeing a cat.

Prince Kiku had gone out to the forest that day, but did not see the girl he had slowly come to love dearly. He returned to his castle, saddened, only to learn he was to be married to some princess. His heart nearly broke in two at the thought of marrying anyone who wasn't his maiden from the woods.

**J: That is truly tragic…**

Princess Hera did not wish to be married. She hid away in the tallest tower of the castle, to try and draw out the time she had left. And up in the tower she met a masked man. He was holding a small tabby cat. Hera was delighted. Perhaps it was a birthday gift? She rushed forward to cradle the cat in her arms when it reached out and scratched her across the collar.

**G: … The curse…**

It was indeed the curse. And to make sure no one could break the curse, Sadiq the evil fairy made huge thorns sprout up along the castle, so that no one could enter. And no one would have, except…

The prince saw a picture of the princess he was to marry… The girl from the woods! And when he received news that the castle had been surrounded by huge thorns, he raced off to save the princess.

The thorns were sharp, but Prince Kiku was very, very determined. He, along with many of his pet cats, tore through the forest of thorns, all the way to the castle.

But Sadiq wouldn't have that. He transformed himself into a huge dragon, and breathed scorching flames at the prince. All of the cats fled, but Kiku fought on.

**G: That's… Really brave.**

** J: D-do you think so?**

** T: Just get on with the story, will ya?**

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the Mediterranean, sheesh. They were having a moment, Turkey. Anyway, I'll continue.

And finally, Kiku defeated the dragon, spearing it through its shriveled heart.

**T: HEY!**

Then he raced up through the castle, searching every room for the princess. When he found her room, he saw all of the pictures of cats and smiled. She loved cats. Just like he did.

Finally, finally, after much searching, he reached the topmost tower. And seeing Princess Hera laying there, looking so beautiful, he couldn't help but kiss her. And when her eyes fluttered, he flushed and panicked, but she merely studied him lazily, and smiled, because all of Kiku's cats had returned, and she thought that if she had to marry this particular prince, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.

So the two of them went back down to the lower levels of the castle, and there was so much rejoicing, but Kiku and Hera slipped away to sit on a hill near the gardens and talk about cats and learn about each other.

And they were later married, and lived happily ever after.

**G: That… Was a… Good story.**

** J:Yes, it was.**

Oh my, Greece is asleep again… Oh well. I guess that's-

The End

PS: LOTS. Of people have been asking for East Asia characters. I will be attempting to put more in, soon. Er… But I'm connecting the stories, so it might be later than I'd like. Two or three more chapters, bear with me!


	9. Jack & the Beanstalk: Sealand centric

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. To Lumoa; don't worry, Sadiq will have his day. Chapter. Whatever. **

Guide

Sea = Sealand

Fin = Finland

Ch = China

E = England

Jack and the Beanstalk

Ok, people, this is a no-romance fairytale. But… I thought little Sealand could use some love, am I right?

**Sea: Yeah! Because I'm going to be a real nation someday, so I can start by having my own fairytale!**

Indeed. So, folks, here we go! The first fairytale with no central pairing!

Once upon a time, there lived a young boy named Peter.

**Sea: That's me!**

** E: Of course it's you, you little brat.**

** Sea: Hey, what are you doing in my story, Jerk England?**

Sealand, calm down, please, or I won't get to tell the story.

**Sea: Ok!**

Ahem… Peter lived with his mom, Tina, and dad Berwald.

**Fin: I-I'm the m-mother…?**

** Sea: Just like in real life, right? Cuz if Papa is Papa, then you must be Mama!**

Now, Peter was an adventurous young boy, and liked new and exciting things. And above all, magic was what excited him the most. Peter wanted to be brave and strong, just like his dad. He liked to be given jobs and responsibilities, because they made him feel important. So he was determined to do his job when his mother sent him to the market to sell their cow.

**Sea: Yeah! I can do it!**

But on the way, he met a merchant; a man with long black hair.

**Ch: I'm supposing that's me, aru?**

Yes. It was the mysterious mystery merchant Wang Yao. And he really needed a cow. So he made an offer to young Peter.

"I will give you these magical beans, if you will trade me that cow, aru," he said, holding out a little brown bag.

Peter's eyes lit up. Magical beans! Who knew what miracles they would work? And so, before he realized what he'd done, Peter had traded away the cow for some magic beans. And despite the fact that Wang Yao usually had counterfeit goods-

**Ch: I resent that, aru!**

Er… Anyway… Peter was… Sure that the magic beans were for real. So he skipped home happily, and couldn't wait to plant them.

Tina was surprised to see her son home so early, but was too kindhearted to scold him for trading away their cow for a small bag of beans, magical or not. She simply sighed, shook her head, and helped him plant. She was sure Berwald would bring home food.

Peter was almost too excited to sleep that night, even though his mother told him it took weeks for plants to grow. And his excitement was well-placed, because in the morning, there was a huge beanstalk stretching into the sky. Why, he could climb up into the clouds if he wanted to!

**Sea: That's a great idea!**

Well, Peter apparently thought so, and decided to climb to the very tip-top of the beanstalk, to see what all was up there. When he had climbed even higher than the clouds, he saw a huge road, stretching as far as the eye could see. So Peter, being an adventurous boy by nature, followed the road. But after a few hours he was getting tired and hungry. Thankfully, there was a huge castle at the end of the road. Surely there would be food there!

**Fin: I wonder whose castle that is…**

Well, we'll see, won't we?

Peter snuck in through a crack in the door, and found a gigantic kitchen off to the side. He took a small chunk of cheese and a giant grape. As soon as he was almost finished eating, there was a rumble from outside, and a voice shouting.

"Fe, fi fo fum!"

So little Peter hid behind the fruit bowl and waited. In walked a giant with huge eyebrows and messy blond hair.

**E: W-what? I've been a beast, a princess and a fairy, and now I'm the giant?**

Sure. Who'd make a better villain for Sealand's story than you? In any case, let's continue!

So, sitting down at his enormous kitchen table, the giant, who happened to be named Arthur, (it's a common name, right?) started to count his money. In the middle of counting, the giant dozed off, so Peter, seeing his chance, grabbed as many gold coins as he could carry and sprinted away.

When he reached the beanstalk again he dropped the giant gold coins down and then slid down the plant all the way to the garden below.

"Look, mom!" he shouted to Tina, and she stared, shocked at the massive pile of gold now on their lawn.

**Fin: Oh, goodness…**

The small family was able to live well for almost a year on all the money, but eventually they were in need of more. And so, even though his mother insisted he should stay home, Peter climbed back up the beanstalk. When he reached the giant's castle, he once again helped himself to food.

**E: Little brat; stealing my food…**

**Sea: Nyaaaaa! Can't catch me, Jerk England!**

AHEM.

And just like before, the giant came in shouting.

"Fe, fi, fo, fum!"

So Peter hid. This time, the giant had a white hen with him (normal sized), and he ordered it to lay an egg. Peter was confused, but watched anyway. And the hen laid an egg of solid gold. The young boy's eyes got as big as saucers. Then with a smile, the giant stashed the gold egg in his pocket, and then pulled out a harp.

This too was solid gold.

"Play," the giant ordered, and the harp began to play such beautiful music that the giant was asleep in seconds.

Peter took the opportunity, once again, to steal from the giant. He grabbed the chicken and the harp and began to run, until the harp screamed.

"I'm being stolen!" it shrieked, and the giant was awake at once, stomping after little Peter.

But Peter was quick, and he reached the beanstalk before the giant and slid down, hen and harp in hand. When he reached the bottom, he saw his father was home, and the two of them chopped down the beanstalk as quickly as they could. Just as the giant came into view beneath the clouds, the plant toppled, sending the giant to his death.

**E: … I hate this bloody story…**

Well, everyone's gotta be the bad guy sometimes, right?

So, when that was all taken care of, Peter showed his parents the hen that laid golden eggs and the gold harp that played such lovely music. Then, the family lived well, and were happy for the rest of their lives.

**Sea: That was a cool story! Especially when that Jerk England fell down the beanstalk!**

**E: Why you little-!**

Calm down, England; he's just a kid. And you'd better be nice, or Sweden won't be, you know.

**E: …**

Oh! That reminds me!

Tina was so happy that her son had come home safe and sound. Still, she understood his fascination with adventure and magic; it reminded her of her own dealings with such things, and how she'd met her husband. So she sat down to tell young Peter the story.

The End


	10. Rapunzel: SuFin

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to everybody who wanted to see some Nordics! I updated quick because you want them, and I love you all so much. (I apologize if Denmark seems OOC… I'm not sure how he really talks…)**

Guide

Su = Sweden

Fin = Finland

D = Denmark

Rapunzel

Ooh, I really like this next story! Everyone ready? Here we go!

Once upon a time, there was a small family; a mother, a father, and their baby girl, Tina. But one day, Tina's mother fell ill. And the only thing that could make her better was a herb from the garden of the witch who lived next door.

But the witch, whose name was Mathias (yeah, I really couldn't make Denmark female. Trust me, I tried…), was cruel and stubborn, and didn't take well to thieves.

**D: And what's wrong with that?**

Nothing, nothing. Can I continue the story, please?

**D: Yeah, whatever, go ahead.**

That was rhetorical, but whatever…

ANYWAY. When Tina's father stole from the witch's garden, he demanded that the couple hand over their daughter instead. Both parents begged and pleaded, but Mathias totally ignored them.

As little Tina grew up, the witch locked her up in a tall, tall tower with no doors or stairs of any kind; only a tiny window way at the top.

**Fin: That's so sad…**

Yes, it is.

Because Tina didn't have any way to learn about the outside world, and was alone for most of her life. The only person she ever saw was, on occasion, the witch. And he would call to her to let down her long hair. You see, Tina had no way to cut her hair, so she simply braided it; it made a good rope for the witch to climb up on, whenever she had reason to get to the tower.

And with nothing else to do, poor Tina would simply look out the window and sing. And one day, a man walked by and heard her song. He was a tall, strong, hardworking young man who went by the name Berwald.

**Su: … 'T's me…**

** Fin: Y-you're right, it is! Wow, Su-san, you're in the story too!**

** Su: Mmhmm.**

(Awwwwwww…)

He thought Tina's singing was very beautiful, but couldn't seem to find a way to get up the tower to her, so he merely listened, and came back every few days to try and solve the conundrum. And one day, he happened to see Mathias the witch call to Tina.

"Let down your hair!" he shouted up at her, and she did as she was told.

So Berwald mused to himself, thinking that perhaps that was how he should get up. But then again… Berwald was a tall man, with a strong build. And he didn't want to hurt the pretty girl in the tower… So perhaps as he climbed up, he could support his weight with the bricks of the tower.

**Fin: Th-that's a good idea, huh, Su-san?**

**Su: Mmhmm.**

And so the next day, that is exactly what he did.

"L't d'wn y'r hair," he called up to Tina.

She didn't take note of the different timbre of the voice, and merely thought that, as he could be many times, the witch had gotten drunk.

**D: …**

_So_ she was very surprised to see someone else crawl into the tower. Tina had never seen someone so tall and intimidating as this man with light, choppy blond hair and icy blue eyes and glasses. She backed herself into the corner at once.

"W-who are you?" she demanded, quaking.

"M' name's Berwald," he told her gently. "Wh't's y'rs?"

"T-Tina," the young woman stammered.

"Y'r voice 's… Beaut'ful."

And though he looked intimidating, Tina could see from those words how very sweet Berwald was. She wasn't quite so very afraid, and when he left, she hoped he would return soon.

And he did, for many days afterwards. And one day…

"M'rry me."

It wasn't a question, though Tina could tell it was pleading.

**Fin: This sounds almost too familiar…**

And she smiled.

"Of course! But how shall I ever get down from this tower? You can climb down my hair, but what can I climb down?"

And Berwald stayed silent, thinking. And then he got an idea. He would get a big, strong rope, and they could tie it to the edge of the tower and escape. So he left to go get it ready.

It took many days to construct a rope of the proper size, and Tina was lovesick and lonely while Berwald was gone. So when Mathias the witch climbed up to bring food to poor Tina, she sighed.

"Why must you be so much heavier than Berwald…?"

And the witch's blue eyes flashed angrily.

"You ungrateful little girl!" he shouted.

And he cut off Tina's long, beautiful hair, and took her away to a lonely valley and left her. And when Berwald came with his rope and called, the witch let down the coil of Tina's hair. Just as the bespectacled man reached the top, Mathias dropped the hair, and poor Berwald went tumbling down. He hit his head, and was blinded.

**Fin: Oh no! Su-san!**

**Su: 'T'll… B' ok…**

For months he searched for Tina, but how could he find her, blind as he was? Until one day, he wandered into a valley, and heard beautiful, familiar singing. It was Tina!

"T'na," he called, and she turned to see him and smiled.

They held each other close, and Tina cried tears of joy; her tears fell onto Berwald's eyes and healed them (swear to Prussia I'm not making this up; it's in the fairytale…). Then the two of them were married, and lived happily ever after!

**Su: See? 'T's a… Good st'ry.**

**Fin: Yeah!**

Years later, they had a son named Peter, and, well, you've heard that story before!

The End

PS: This is on my profile too, but I'm going to eventually need a human name for Norway. HELP PLEASE!


	11. Peter Pan: PoLiet

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. All credit for this awesome idea goes to Kuroi Kitsune, one half of the HaniChanTwili account!**

Guide

P = Poland

Li = Liet/Lithuania

Es = Estonia

La = Latvia

R = Russia

Peter Pan

And now for Peter Pan! Everybody ready?

**P: This, like, better be good, ok? I'm totally gonna be angry if it's not.**

** Li: Don't say stuff like that, Poland, I'm sure it'll be fine!**

Ok!

Once upon a time, there was a family with three children. The eldest was a girl named Tori; after her were two boys, Eduard, and the youngest, Raivis. Tori was a very good storyteller, and always told Eduard and Raivis tales of the adventurous Feliks Pan, who fought pirates along with his little fairy Tinkerbell.

But she was turning sixteen, and would no longer be able to share a bedroom with her young brothers; she would move out of the 'nursery', and the stories would end. It made Eduard and Raivis very sad. So Tori told many, many stories on the last night, and the three siblings fell asleep late at night.

Tori was awoken with a crash. Rubbing her eyes, she looked around the room, and saw a blond flailing after his shadow.

**P: Like, ahem…?**

Sorry, saw an _impeccably dressed_ boy flailing after his shadow. Sheesh.

And Tori gasped; it was Feliks Pan! Trying to move softly, she helped Feliks catch his rebellious shadow, and then used her sewing needle to attach it back to him.

Raivis and Eduard woke anyways, rubbing their sleepy eyes. Upon seeing that it was really Feliks Pan, little Raivis got excited.

"We can go to Neverland! And then we'll never have to grow up, and Tori can read us stories every night!"

"I don't think-"

But Tori was interrupted by the enthusiastic Feliks Pan.

"That sounds, like, totally great!" the blond cheered. "Once Tink, like, sprinkles you with pixie dust, we can, like, fly there!"

Feliks motioned over a tiny, glowing pink pony with wings. It flew around all of the kids, covering them in a sparkly dust.

**P: That's, like, the coolest thing ever! A pony fairy! How, like, awesome!**

… If you say so, Poland… Anyway…

"Now just, like, think of happy stuff!" Feliks instructed.

So everyone thought of happy things; Eduard of a new computer, Raivis of toys and candy, and Tori of telling stories. Then they all flew off; off to Neverland. Feliks led the way, with Tinkerbell leaving a sparkly pink trail behind them. As the group reached Neverland, a cannonball whizzed by them.

"O-oh no, p-pirates!" Raivis stammered.

But Feliks led them in weaving around the shots, and they all landed safely in the trees of the island. Then, Feliks Pan put two fingers in his mouth and whistled shrilly. Several boys popped out of the underbrush and assembled in front of Feliks. Raivis hid behind Eduard and clung to the older boy's shirt.

"These are my Lost Boys! We're, like, never gonna grow up!" Feliks Pan grinned, motioning to the group around him.

"Hey, boss!" one of the littler Lost Boys piped up, "we wanted to go hunting for Indians today! Can we?"

Feliks nodded, running a hand through his hair.

"Like, sure thing. I'll just, like, take Tori to see the mermaids, k?"

**P: Oh my gosh! There's, like, mermaids? Liet, this is like such an awesome story!**

** Li: O-oh? Well, it's good that you like it, I guess.**

Eduard and Raivis went with the Lost Boys, as it seemed that Feliks was intent on going alone with Tori. The boys didn't mind; they'd much rather find Indians than mermaids anyway. So all of the young boys set out, creeping around through the forest. But they just weren't sneaky enough.

**La: O-oh n-no… Estonia Th-that sounds b-bad!**

** Es: … Yeah, it does…**

Because the Indians snuck up on them, and when the boys least expected it, they attacked! All of the kids were tied up, and interrogated. It seemed… The princess of the Indians; that is to say, the chief's daughter, had been kidnapped. The Lost Boys were the suspects, but all of them were at a loss.

"We didn't do it!" one of the bigger boys shouted angrily.

But the tribe didn't listen.

**La: Wh-what will they do?**

We'll find out. But in the meantime…

Feliks led Tori to the little bay where all of the mermaids played.

"Feliks~!" the mermaid girls called excitedly when they saw him.

But they all soured upon seeing Tori.

"Who's _she_?" one spat, splashing water at the poor brunette.

"Yeah, Feliks! Look at her, she's so scrawny," another sneered.

Tori flushed in humiliation. Wasn't he going to tell them to stop? But Feliks Pan did nothing of the sort. He just laughed at the helpless look on Tori's face.

**Li: This sounds about right…**

** P: H-hey, Liet, don't say that!**

** Li: Well, it's true! You always just laugh whenever I really need your help! I don't even know why we're friends!**

** P: B-but…**

Uh oh… Er, I think I should move on before any more damage is done…

ANYWAY, guys! Um… So, just at that moment, the mermaids shrieked and dove beneath the water, because a small rowboat was approaching. And in that rowboat was the feared pirate, Captain Ivan Hook.

**R: This is me, da?**

Yeah. It is.

He was rowing towards a cave just outside the bay, and a young woman was tied up in the boat as well. Feliks recognized the girl immediately. It was the Indian Chief's daughter, Tiger Lily!

"Come on, Tori," Feliks whispered, grabbing the girl's hand.

She flushed, but nodded, and they flew after the pirate and his hostage. Once inside the cave, Feliks snuck up on Captain Hook while Tori rushed to untie poor Tiger Lily. And though Tori was successful, Feliks wasn't. Ivan turned around, whipping out his weapon of choice, a large faucet pipe. Then he pierced the front of Feliks's shirt with the hook that stood in for his missing right hand.

**P: Like, how dare he! Ruining my clothes! How totally evil!**

** R: I can be more evil than that, if you wish…**

O-ok, guys, let's just keep going with the story!

Um… Ok so… Feliks and Captain Ivan fought for many minutes, but Feliks was ready to just fly off when he saw Tori and Tiger Lily were both safe and free. Until he heard a distinct sound. A sound that sent the pirate captain into shivers.

"That's, like, Natalya, right?" the blond boy laughed.

**R: B-Be-Belarus, go hoooooome!**

It's ok, Russia. She's not really in the story…

A-anyway… The pirate peered over the edge of the cliff the two of them were fighting on, and saw a large green crocodile peering up at him with a toothy grin. Fighting a shriek, he ran for his rowboat and sped away.

Feliks Pan laughed loudly at the retreat, and flew down to where Tori and Tiger Lily were waiting.

When they brought Tiger Lily back, the Indian tribe let the Lost Boys and Tori's brothers go.

**La: Whew!**

**Es: … Thank goodness…**

Then, they threw a huge party for Feliks, in honor of him rescuing the chief's daughter.

The celebration was in full swing and everyone was having fun, but the tribe shut Tori out; even if she'd been part of the rescue, she was just a girl.

"Go, like, get us some snacks, ok, Tori?" Feliks Pan all but ordered.

Tori scowled and stomped off. Why did they have to treat her like that, just because she was a girl! She was just as good as them! And her brothers were forgetting who exactly it was that told them stories every night!

At the same time, Tinkerbell was fuming too. Feliks was paying too much attention to Tori! He'd totally forgotten Tink was even there, forgotten to call for her when they chased after Captain Ivan! … And there was an idea… Why, if she could get that nasty pirate to get rid of Tori, things would go back to the way they'd always been!

**Li: … Oh, no…**

So she flew off to where the pirates' ship was anchored, and tried to make a deal. She explained that she would tell Captain Ivan where Feliks's hideout was, so he could capture Tori. The pirate agreed, smiling a dangerously innocent smile the whole time.

But when she was locked inside a lantern, Tinkerbell knew something was wrong. She had to get back to warn Feliks! So the little pink fairy pony stomped her small hooves against the glass until it shattered, and then flew away.

In the meantime, Tori, Eduard, Raivis, Feliks, and all of the Lost Boys had made it back to Feliks's hideout. Raivis was homesick. Eduard as well. Tori thought it would be a good idea to get back before their parents worried. She also offered to let Feliks and the Lost Boys come along.

"Surely our parents would adopt you!" she told them cheerfully.

**Li: Yeah; that would be wonderful!**

And the Lost Boys thought that sounded like a great idea.

But Feliks Pan didn't.

He argued loudly that he was never going to grow up, no matter what the rest of them did. So the others gave up trying to convince him.

"Come on, boys," Tori said coolly.

Eduard, Raivis, and all of the Lost Boys trooped out after her, some looking back at a sulking Feliks Pan sadly. The blond pulled the curtain across his door angrily. And it was at that point that a small vial of something was slipped into Feliks's nightly medicine. And who should see but little Tinkerbell as she flew to the hideout; she froze, hiding herself, and panicked.

"I guess I'd, like, better take my medicine," Feliks shrugged. "They'll all totally be back. There's, like, no way anyone would want to grow up!"

It was almost ten, and Tinkerbell the pink pony fairy zoomed into Feliks's room as he carried the medicine in with him.

"Like, what?" he asked impatiently, as the pony made little jingling sounds. "Poison? You're, like, crazy, Tink. No one would put that in my medicine!"

But Tinkerbell was frantic. She grabbed the cup of medicine and tugged it out of Feliks's grasp.

Then she drank it, and collapsed to the floor.

**P: Like, oh no!**

Tinkerbell was fading fast. And there's only one way to save a dying fairy… You have to clap your hands to show you truly believe!

**P: Like, clap, Liet! Clap as loud as you can!**

** Li: I-I'm clapping, Poland!**

Oh, but that's not nearly enough…

**Li: Come on, Estonia, Latvia! You have to clap too!**

**La: O-ok! L-let's clap**** loud****, ****Estonia****!**

**Es: Yeah, if we all clap, then surely…**

Tinkerbell's eyes fluttered open.

**P: Yes! We, like, totally did it, Liet!**

** Li: Y-yeah, I guess we did…**

And even Russia was clapping…

**R: …**

Ah… A-anyway…

**P: Haha, he looks, like, totally embarrassed!**

Poland, be nice. We need to finish the story.

But you see… Though Tori and the boys had left some time ago, they had never reached their destination. As soon as they'd exited Feliks's hideout, every one of them had been captured by Captain Ivan and his crew of pirates! Then, the pirates had tied the children up, and rowed them to the pirate ship anchored in the bay.

And then the sound had started. Captain Ivan began to shiver. All of the Lost Boys laughed, but Eduard, Raivis, and Tori were confused.

"Wh-what's that noise? Why's he s-so scared of it?" Raivis asked.

"It's Natalya, the crocodile!" one of the Lost Boys laughed back.

"B-but why name a crocodile?" Tori questioned, looking befuddled.

"It's named… After his sister," another boy giggled.

"You named it after your sister?" Eduard asked the pirate captain skeptically. "Isn't that a little harsh?"

"You don't understand!" Captain Ivan wailed, still preoccupied by the large crocodile circling the ship. "Do you hear that noise coming from it?"

"W-what, t-that tick-tock, tick-tock?" Raivis stammered.

"Don't you think…? More than tick-tock, tick-tock, it sounds like kek-kon, kek-kon*?" the captain explained, shivering.

Tori's brothers listened, and eventually they heard it too. The kek-kon, kek-kon…

"I-in any case!" Captain Ivan shouted, composing himself. "You can either choose to become part of my crew, or you can walk the plank!"

All of the boys sidled over to the rest of the crew, but Tori scowled and stood firm.

"I will not become a pirate!" she said, scowling. "Feliks will definitely save us!"

"Feliks is dead," Ivan said cheerily. "You see… I sent him a little… Present, da?"

Tori just shook her head, scowling, and stepped towards the plank. She reached the edge, and closing her eyes, trying so hard not to look at the eager crocodile below her, she stepped off.

**Li: I-I can't listen…**

And before she could even get used to falling, she was flying.

It was Feliks!

**P: Like, see, Liet? I, like, totally saved your butt! Haha!**

** Li: Y-yeah, I-I guess you did…**

** P: Haha, Liet, you should've seen your face! It was totally priceless!**

Anyway, Feliks Pan was very careful about staying out of sight, and set Tori gently down on one of the masts. Then he swooped down over Captain Ivan Hook, his dagger at the ready. And before the pirate could do much of anything, Feliks had slashed away some of the decoration at the buttons of his coat.

**P: Hah! I just, like, totally ruined his outfit!**

With his real hand, the captain pulled out his large faucet pipe, and attempted to hit Feliks with it. But the blond was too quick, and dodged every hit. Finally, after an elaborate battle too amazing to be described in words, Feliks had beaten the captain, and all the pirates fled in rowboats. Tori could tell which one Captain Ivan was in, because of the large green crocodile following it and ticking 'kek-kon, kek-kon'.

Then, Feliks Pan had Tinkerbell sprinkle the whole ship with pixie dust, and flew the ship back to Tori's home. Tori tucked her brothers in as they blinked sleepily, and then turned to tell Feliks goodbye.

"W-well… I guess… This is goodbye, Feliks," Tori said softly.

Feliks shook his head and pulled something from his pocket. In a fluid motion, he pinned back Tori's hair with the small clip in his hand.

"Just, like… Don't grow up too much, k?"

And he grinned endearingly.

Tori leaned over and kissed him, then pulled back with her cheeks burning red.

"Yeah… N-no problem."

Then Feliks hopped back into the flying ship, and returned to Neverland.

Tori watched him fade into the distance with a sad smile.

**P: T-that was, like… Actually really sweet.**

** Li: Yeah… It was.**

Well, folks, I'd say that's about-

The End

***The kek-kon noise is based on the two syllables of the Japanese verb, kekkon suru; that is, to be married. Belarus is notorious for saying this in the Japanese version of Hetalia.**

PS: Thank you all for your suggestions for Norway's name! Now I have plenty to choose from! Also, I really like the idea of a Goldilocks story. It will happen! Promise!


	12. Snow Queen: ChJpn

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Ok, this version of the Snow Queen is from my BABF (big-ass book of fairytales), so it's not gonna be exactly like the original version (by Hans Christian Anderson). Please be understanding!**

Guide

Ch = China

J = Japan

U = Ukraine

R = Russia

K = Korea

The Snow Queen

Once upon a time, there were two young children named Yue and Kiku. They were the best of friends, and both of them loved the roses planted in the small garden between their houses. Yue was a young girl with long black hair and soft eyes.

**Ch: I-I'm a girl, aru?**

** K: … Aniki, if you become a girl, your breasts belong to me, ok?**

** Ch: No way, aru! Don't say such ridiculous things!**

Er… guys…? I kind of… Need to continue the… Story…

Um… And Kiku was a boy with short black hair, black eyes, and a quiet, kind disposition. Kiku and Yue cared for each other very much. The two often sat and listened to Kiku's grandmother tell stories. One winter, she told them about the cruel Snow Queen, whose heart was a solid block of ice, and who stole across the land every year, freezing everything in her path. As she was telling them this story, the window blew open and snow flew right into Kiku's face, a shard of ice piercing his eye. It travelled straight to his heart.

**J: T-to my heart…?**

He shouted in pain, but just as quickly as it had come, the hurt was gone. Neither of the children thought about it again; but the ice was there, freezing Kiku's heart. And the very next day, instead of playing with Yue, her went off to play with the other boys in the village.

"Can I come play too?" Yue asked.

"Of course not," Kiku scoffed. "You're just a stupid girl."

Those words cut Yue very deeply. They weren't something Kiku would say to her. He was a kind boy. But the ice was slowly encasing his heart.

**J: I… I am ashamed.**

Don't worry, Japan… It's not your fault!

All of the boys in the village liked to tie their sleds to the carts of farmers, to get a free ride. And that's just what Kiku was planning to do. Until he saw the white sleigh just sitting in the square. That would give him a much better ride! So he tied up his sled to the sleigh.

But then it started moving. Faster, faster, the sleigh was flying across the road! Through the city gates, out into the snowy wilderness! Kiku began to feel scared, and the feeling tightened to a sickness in his stomach.

"Help!" he called. "Help!"

But no one could help, and his fingers, gloveless, were too frozen to untie his sled. Finally, the sleigh pulled to a stop, and a tall woman stepped from the sleigh. She was wrapped in a coat of snow, and had piercing purple eyes, and long, light hair. The Snow Queen.

**R: I am tired of being 'bad guy' now, da?**

I-it's a buildup! A buildup, I tell you! S-suspense! Yours is next!

**R: I will be very upset if you lie to me…**

Haha… A-anyw-way…

With a small smile, she lifted up poor frozen Kiku, and helped him into the sleigh beside her.

"You must be cold, da?" she whispered, placing an icy kiss atop his pale forehead.

But Kiku could no longer feel the cold. His heart was completely frozen solid, and he thought that the Snow Queen was the most lovely, beautiful person he had ever seen, and his breath was taken away. And it was then that he forgot all about Yue and his grandmother. All he could think of, all he could remember, was the Snow Queen.

**J: That is… Horrible.**

Yue was devastated when Kiku did not return. Everyone said he must have drowned in the river, or gotten lost in the deep snow. And that spring, Yue decided that she must find him, no matter what. So, in her new red shoes, she went to the river.

"Everyone says you've taken poor Kiku away from me," Yue told the river. "And if you have, I'll give you my new red shoes, if only you return him."

But the river hadn't taken Kiku, so when Yue threw in her pretty shoes, they were pushed back ashore. Thinking she hadn't thrown them far enough, Yue climbed into a nearby boat and tossed in her shoes again. But before she could get back to shore, the boat came loose of the shore, and she was whisked downstream.

**Ch: Oh no, aru!**

Now Yue was very scared, and started to cry. Hearing this, a woman who lived far down the river walked out from her garden and used her walking stick to pull poor, frightened Yue to shore.

The woman had short, light hair, and was quite busty.

**U: I-is it me?**

Yup, it's you, Ukraine.

The woman, named Katyusha was a witch, but was not evil, just a lonely woman. And Yue was so cute, and Katyusha simply wanted to keep Yue with her forever. So she invited Yue in, and let her eat some cherries, while listening to her sad tale, and of trying to find Kiku.

"I'm sure he will show up soon!" Katyusha told Yue cheerfully, and then began to comb her hair.

The comb was a golden one, and lonely Katyusha used her magic to comb away Yue's memories, so she would stay forever.

**U: O-oh my, I'm sorry! That wasn't very nice, even if I were to be lonely…**

Well, you didn't really do it, so I don't think you need to apologize…

Um, anyway… Yue stayed for many weeks with Katyusha, but one day, while playing among the flowers, she saw a bush blossoming with many roses. And as she bent down and kissed one, her memory returned.

"Oh no, I stayed too long!" Yue cried.

And her lamenting startled a crow nearby.

"Tell me, what is wrong?" it asked Yue, and she explained her problem.

The crow thought for a moment.

"I saw a boy; he was recently married to the princess who lives nearby. You can bet this is true, because I heard it all from my sweetheart, who lives in the palace," the bird told Yue.

**Ch: Married to a princess, aru?**

And Yue smiled again.

"How wonderful would it be if Kiku had become a prince!" she said, and followed the crow to the palace.

But they couldn't get in on their own, so the crow's sweetheart helped them in through the servants' entrance, and they all crept quietly up the stairs. Yue peeked into the room, and saw the princess, who had long brown hair, and one slightly curly strand. The prince did look a little like Kiku, but his hair was only dark brown, not shiny black like Kiku's was, and he had thick eyebrows*.

**Ch: So it wasn't him after all…**

** J: No, it wasn't.**

And Yue began to cry, because she had not found Kiku after all. It woke up the prince and princess.

"What's wrong…? Why are you crying?" the princess asked, placing a small hand on Yue's shoulder.

So Yue once again explained her story, and how she had so hoped that she would find Kiku. Then the prince and princess looked at each other. The princess seemed as though she were about to cry, but the prince's face remained blank. Still, to stop her tears, the princess offered to give Yue one of her dresses, and the prince told her she could take his golden carriage, so she could find Kiku faster.

**Ch: How kind…**

So Yue set out once again, now with a carriage to ride in, and wearing a new dress. But when Yue was riding through a forest, a band of robbers were dazzled by the beauty of the golden coach, and attacked it. They were about to kill poor Yue-

**Ch: Oh no!**

BUT, the leader's daughter shouted her darndest. The short-haired girl with a strange curl atop her head insisted that she could play with Yue, and could wear the pretty dress.

"And now it'll belong to me," was her stance on the matter.

**K: Hey, is it me yet? Is it me? I declare that this character originated in Korea!**

Yes, it's you, Korea. Now can I get on with the story.

**K: … Um… Wait! Hold on! I need to… **_**Ok, everybody! This story, it originated in Korea**_**!**

Where on earth did you get that megaphone, Korea? Put it down right now! I need to keep going!

**Ch: Yeah, aru! Stop interrupting the story!**

** K: But Aniki…**

Nevermind, both of you. I'm going on, ok?

And that night, the two girls stayed up late, after all of the adults were asleep. And after a demand from the robber girl, Yue told her story, of why she was out in the big, wide world all alone. But it wasn't just the hyper robber girl who heard the story. A few doves and a reindeer heard it also.

"Why we, we saw Kiku! We did!" The doves cooed. "When the Snow Queen passed by, on her way to Lapland; why the winds she brought were so cold that we only barely survived!"

At that, the reindeer sighed wistfully.

"I was born in Lapland…" he said. "The snow and ice there glitters in the sun, and that's where the Snow Queen's palace is!"

The robber's daughter thought to herself. All the adults were asleep… So she untied the reindeer.

"Take her to her friend, ok?" she demanded of the reindeer.

And Yue was so happy, she hugged the other girl, who returned with a bone-crushing hug back. Then Yue set off on the reindeer, who recalled his days as a young buck joyfully as he sped across the landscape. Finally, they saw the Snow Queen's castle of ice, and Yue rushed inside. The reindeer did not follow.

Kiku had been made the Snow Queen's slave, and she was very cruel to him, and made him polish the large, icy floors. Then, she came to him and tossed some icicles at his feet.

"If you can shape these into 'Eternity', I'll set you free," she promised, smiling her sweet, frozen smile, and walking away.

**J: How terrible…**

And then Yue found him, while he was still trying to shape the letters. His fingers were blue, and far too frozen to be able to do it, but he was unable to feel the cold.

"Kiku! I found you!" Yue called, smiling, and pulled Kiku into a hug.

But he stayed rigid and stone-cold. He didn't recognize her.

**Ch: Oh no…**

** K: See? This tragic story… It has to be one of my soap operas!**

** Ch: SHUSH, aru!**

"Who are you? Get off," he demanded.

But Yue was so happy to see him, and she shed tears of joy. As he struggled to push her off, one fell in his eye (again with the magical tears-on-the-eye thing…), and the warmth ran straight to his heart, melting the ice there.

Then, he remembered Yue, and the two of them hugged tightly, and kissed.

**J: H-how forward…**

Then the pieces of ice danced in happiness too, and formed the word 'Eternity'. Kiku was free! Then he and Yue rode home on the reindeer, and when they reached their little houses back at the village, it was summer, and the roses were blooming beautifully!

**Ch: What a lovely ending, aru…**

** J: Y-yes.**

** K: Remember! This all originated-**

The End

*** Cameo for Taiwan and Hong Kong! There you go; many, many East Asian countries for you to enjoy~!**


	13. Nutcracker: RusAme

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Trisana Tennant, who wanted some love for Russia!**

Guide

R = Russia

A = America

Clara and the Nutcracker Doll

It was Christmas Eve, in a certain year, and a young girl named Ivana (who may just grow up to be an enchantress, you never know…) and her brother Nat.

**R: O-oh no… B-Belarus…?**

No, no, you'll be fine. She's not a main character in this story either.

Both children were excitedly waiting their Uncle Morozko*, and they jumped up when they heard a knock on the door. Then their uncle came in, smiling and shaking the snow from his coat. In each hand he carried a box, tied up brightly with paper and ribbons.

**R: Presents, da?**

** A: I love presents!**

** R: Ah, but they are not for you.**

** A: Well, eah, so? I'm he hero in this one! So ha! And you have to be the girl.**

** R: So Amerika will be rushing to my rescue, then, da…?**

** A: W-well, th-that is, I…**

I think that's about enough… I'll keep going and save you the embarrassment, America.

Let's see… Nat's present was a brightly-painted sailboat, and Ivana's was a doll with very long legs, painted like a soldier. It was detailed and lovely, with bright blue eyes, and a small bit of blond hair peeking from the painted cap.

**A: Hey, wait a minute…**

"Oh, but who is he?" Ivana asked her uncle curiously.

"He's a nutcracker doll," he responded, smiling. "Watch."

Then he went into the kitchen and grabbed a nut from a bowl on the table. Next, he placed it in the doll's mouth, then pushed his legs tight together. The shell cracked neatly in two, and Uncle Morozko handed Ivana the nut, and she ate it, delighted with her present.

"He's wonderful, Uncle!" she grinned, purple eyes shining.

And Nat scowled. He didn't like how happy his sister seemed with her new toy. Like she liked it better than him. So he ran over and snatched the doll away, and then stomped on it.

"No!" Ivana cried, eyes tearing up. "Stop, you'll break him!"

Uncle Morozko dragged Nat from the room, frowning. As Ivana bent down and picked up her nutcracker doll carefully, she could hear her uncle scolding Nat in the other room. There wasn't even a scratch.

**A: Whew!**

"Oh, you're not broken!" Ivana exclaimed, smiling and cradling the nutcracker close to her.

Then, the poor girl yawned, tired from staying up so late to wait for her uncle to show up. She curled up on the couch and fell into a deep sleep.

She woke up with a start, hearing the clock in the family room chime midnight. Ivana had been asleep for some hours, and a large quilt had been draped over her, and a pillow set beneath her head. Butas she looked around for her nutcracker doll, he was nowhere to be found.

**R: Oh no… He is lost, da?**

Oh, I don't think you'll need to worry. Because…

Just at that moment, Ivana heard the stamping of many feet. And from one side of the room came an army of mice, led by a very large rat king with glittering eyes, like flashing jewels. And then, out of Nat's room marched all of his toy soldiers, led valiantly by the nutcracker doll.

**A: Aha! The hero has arrived!**

And then, right before her, the two armies began to fight; and soon, the mouse king had the poor nutcracker doll backed up right against the couch that Ivana was sitting on.

"No you don't!" Ivana snapped at the mouse, taking off her slipper and throwing it right at the mouse king.

It hit him in the head, and he hit the floor heavily. The nutcracker toppled as well.

**R: It seems as if I have saved you, da?**

** A: Sh-shut up! I'll probably save you later! A-and from something waaaaay more dangerous than a silly mouse! Y-yeah!**

** R: …**

I-is he laughing… How strange. I-I think I'll get back to the story…!

Anyway, Ivana reached down to pick up her nutcracker doll, but he grew before her eyes, and was transformed into a handsome young man with sparkling blue eyes and soft blond hair.

"You saved my life…" the man said softly, picking up Ivana's slipper, and kissing it softly before placing it back on her foot. "I'll never forget it."

"B-but who are you?" Ivana questioned, face flushed and red.

"I'm Alfred, the Nutcracker Prince," he explained, smiling. "Will you come visit my kingdom? It's the Kingdom of Sweets; no human has ever been there before!"

**A: Hah! I'm a prince! Finally!**

She nodded mutely, taking his outstretched hand. And then, they were inside a boat, sailing off across snowy water. But with Alfred still holding her hand, Ivana felt warm, as if wrapped in the thickest of furs. When they arrived at a dock, Ivana looked up at the huge castle before her, and was dazzled immediately.

The palace was made of frosting and sugar, with chandeliers of sparkling lemon drops. And, to her surprise, Prince Alfred led her to a large peppermint throne.

**A: Now that would be just about the best palace ever!**

**R: It sounds nice…**

"You can sit here," he told her sweetly. "The show is about to start."

"Show?" Ivana questioned, purple eyes wide.

"All of your favorite sweets will dance for you!" Alfred explained.

And as he said so, dancers twirled into the middle of the room. Two in the center wore costumes of brown velvet.

"Oh, they're chocolates, of course!" Ivana grinned, clapping.

And the dancers became chocolates!

Then, young girls trooped in wearing rounded, candy-colored dresses.

"Fruit drops!" Ivana whispered in wonder.

Then, a pair of tall, thin men in black wobbled around the ballroom, two and fro. Licorice!

"And now…" Prince Alfred said softly.

And as soft music tinkled in the background, a lovely, dainty woman in a sparkling dress whirled around, toes pointed delicately as she danced ballet.

**R: Ballet… How lovely it must have looked, da?**

"Who is she?" Ivana asked breathlessly.

"That's the Sugar Plum Fairy," Alfred told her.

And as the Fairy finished her dance, Alfred held out his hand to Ivana. Surprised, she accepted; and then she was twirling across the sugared floor with the prince, dancing just as gracefully as the Fairy had. It was glorious! Everything around her spun and blurred, and all she could see was Alfred's smiling face.

And then, all at once, she awoke. Ivana was tucked into her bed, with the nutcracker doll in her arms.

"What a lovely dream…" she murmured.

**A: D-dream? What?**

** R: Shhhh. The story is not over yet, da?**

No, it's not quite done yet…

Because as Ivana drifted off to sleep again, the little nutcracker doll smiled.

And he thought, perhaps she will come back to the Kingdom of Sweets soon.

**A: Yeah… I like that ending better.**

** R: Me too.**

The End

*** Morozko is another name for Old Man Winter/General Winter, in Russian folklore. I found it fitting; so yes, General Winter cameo!**

PS: Anyone else find it funny that even though America is actually the guy in this story, he's STILL the one getting saved/in distress…? Poor Alfred…


	14. Hansel & Gretel: Sw, Liecht, Aus centric

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Dragon-Sigma; here you go, Austria the hero! Though this is another story with no pairing.**

Guide

Au = Austria

L = Lichtenstein

Sw = Switzerland

F = France

Hansel and Gretel

Ok, you'd better be happy, now, Austria. I made you the hero (despite the protests of America, who thinks he's the only hero in the world…)!

**Au: Yes, thank you.**

** Sw: W-wait you… Gah, you put us in the same story again?**

Well, you two kind of-

**L: D-don't be mad, big brother… I-I'm excited… This will be my first fairytale!**

** Sw: … Y-yeah, ok…**

Alright, then! Away we go!

Once upon a time, there was a woodcutter named Vash Zwingli, who had two children. The oldest was a boy named Roderich with brown hair and glasses, who one day became an emperor, but that's honestly beside the point*. The other was a lovely young blonde girl, whose name was Lili. Now, Vash loved his children very much; but he felt that they needed a mother figure in their lives too, as their birth mother had died. So he remarried, but his new wife was cold and harsh, and did not love Roderich and Lili.

**L: O-oh no… How sad…**

** Sw: Who would marry a woman like that? Hmph.**

I know, I know, just keep listening, ok?

Beyond that, Vash didn't make much money as a woodcutter, and it was getting harder and harder to feed his family, even with how very frugal he was.

"How on earth will we feed the children tomorrow?" he asked his wife one evening, sighing.

"We can't afford to feed them anymore!" she snapped. "We don't have enough money! They can find their own food, in the forest. Tomorrow we can take them into the forest and leave them."

Vash glared.

"We're not leaving my children out in the middle of the forest! What if they're eaten by bears?"

**L: I-I don't want to be eaten by bears…**

As the two argued downstairs, Lili and Roderich were woken by the noise, and listened in. And then Lili began to cry. But her brother placed an arm around her shoulders.

"Don't worry," he told her, putting on his glasses. "I have a plan."

And when their parents had gone to bed, Roderich snuck out into the garden and filled his pockets with pebbles.

**Au: Pebbles…?**

You'll see.

The next morning, their stepmother called the children down, and told them that everyone would be going into the woods, and that the two of them could play while she helped Vash chop wood. The two children followed, and Vash was scowling the whole way, gripping his wood-cutter's axe tightly.

**Sw: I would never leave Lili behind!**

** L: Y-yeah… I know.**

It's just a story, guys. Um… Let's see.

"Keep up, Roderich," their stepmother snapped, as the brunette boy lagged behind.

He didn't listen to her, and continued to drop a pebble on the ground every time she turned back forward. Finally, the adults halted, and Lili and Roderich's stepmother smiled.

"Why don't you two play here and eat your lunch while you wait," she said sweetly, and then led Vash away.

The two kids ate their bread and then played for a while, before falling asleep. When they both woke, the sky was dark, except for the light from the moon.

"They left us here! They did leave us…" Lili sniffled. "We'll get eaten by bears for sure!"

But Roderich shook his head, taking his sister's hand. Then he pointed to his trail of pebbles. Lili stopped crying and smiled. Then the two children followed the trail home, and knocked on the door of the cottage. Vash was delighted to see that they'd made it back, and swept both children up in his arms.

**L: Hooray! We did it!**

** Au: Y-yeah, we did…**

Oh, but the story's not over yet…

You see, the stepmother was very upset that the children had made it home. So she locked the door that night, and Roderich wasn't able to go get any pebbles. And then she had the children come out into the woods again the next day.

"You can carry the bread for your lunch, Roderich," she told the brunette boy.

And once again, Roderich lagged behind. He used pieces of the loaf of bread to mark their trail, since he had no pebbles. Their stepmother made them all walk farther and farther into the forest; much deeper than last time. So when their parents left, Roderich and Lili went straight to sleep.

Once again, it was dark when the two of them woke, but Lili wasn't worried this time.

"What did you use to mark the trail?" she asked Roderich.

Then he told her about the trail of bread crumbs, but the two looked and looked and couldn't find anything.

**L: Oh no! What will we do now?**

Just wait and find out…

You see, the birds had eaten all of the bread, and when they heard Lili crying and realized that they had eaten Roderich's trail, they felt terrible. So, as the poor children were shivering under a tree, they draped many leaves over them to keep them warm.

**L: Those birds… They were pretty nice, huh, big brother.**

** Sw: Yeah… Yeah they were.**

The next morning, the two children wandered the forest, and eventually found a clearing with a cottage. Now, it wasn't their cottage; not even close. But it was a cottage made entirely of sweets! From a chocolate roof to gingerbread walls, to a candy cane doorframe, and with many more sweets besides! And the two were so hungry that they all but pounced on the house, tearing off pieces and eating them hungrily.

"Hey!" an old woman cried, stepping out of the cottage. "Don't eat my house!"

She had blond hair and suspicious blue eyes. But when she offered to make them omelets, if only they would come inside and stop biting off bits of her home, they readily agreed.

**F: S-suspicious-! Don't tell me I-? Ma cheri, that is not-!**

Ah, France. Welcome back.

The old woman introduced herself as Francisca Bonnefoy, and she cooked while Roderich and Lili told her about getting lost, and trying to find their way home. When she set the omelets in front of them, Lili and Roderich ate hungrily.

"May I help you wash the dishes?" Roderich asked politely.

"Oh, no, no, it's fine," Francisca said. "But if you'd really like to help me, do you think that you could clean out that cage for me?"

She pointed to a gigantic bird cage in the corner; Roderich nodded, and grabbed a little duster. He crawled inside to clean it out, but once he had, Francisca locked him inside. Because… She was really a witch who ate children!

**L: Oh no… Poor Mr. Austria…**

** Au: I-I'm sure it'll be fine…**

** F: Yes, mon cher… You can trust me, no?**

** Au: Let's try no. Pervert.**

** Sw: Yeah; and you'd better stay away from Lili, France!**

G-guys, I don't think we need guns involved… Really, Switzerland, put it down… Er… Where was I?

The witch made poor Lili work for her as a servant, but something worse was in store for poor Roderich.

"I'm going to fatten you up, and then roast you for dinner," she announced to him.

But the witch had terrible eyesight; she asked Roderich to poke a finger through the bars every day, to see if he was getting fatter. So clever Roderich got an idea. The next time the witch asked, he poked the end of his glasses through the bars.

**Au: That's pretty clever…**

"You are too thin!" the witch snapped. "Mon Dieu, you will never be fat enough to roast! I'll just have to cook you in a soup instead!"

So she ordered Lili to put a big pan of water on the stove, and then light a fire.

"Remember, the fire needs to be very, very hot!" the witch ordered.

Roderich motioned his sister over, and whispered his plan to her. Lili felt bad about what she was going to do, but it was her only chance to save her brother!

"I'm sorry," Lili said to Francisca the witch. "I lit the fire and got the pan, but I don't know if the fire is hot enough…"

The witch scowled, hobbling over to the stove. As she bent down to check the fire, Lili pushed her in.

**L: … I-I'm sorry, Mr. France.**

**F: Oh, it is ok, my little-**

**Sw: Don't apologize to that pervert.**

**L: O-ok…**

Then, the blond girl ran to Roderich's cage and unlocked it.

The two children began to race from the clearing when Roderich stopped.

"We can't go home empty-handed," he explained to Lili.

So, they broke the witch's candy house into pieces, and loaded all on the chocolate roof. Then, the two of them drug it through the forest until finally, finally, they found the path leading home.

**L: We made it home!**

Vash was sitting on the steps of the house as the children ran up. He'd chased away his unkind wife angrily, when he'd realized the children hadn't found their way home again. His eyes had dark rings beneath them from all the time he spent searching the forest for his kids.

When he saw them, he hugged them both close. Then Roderich showed him all of the candy! They sold it in town, and made enough money to live happily ever after, and none of them was ever in danger of going hungry again!

**L: That was a pretty good story, right big brother? Right Mr. Austria?**

** Sw: Y-yeah, it was…**

** Au: I think so too.**

** F: Well, I, personally, don't think that it was very-**

The End

** * Ok, so some of you may question my making Switzerland the dad, and Austria Hansel. BUT! I thought long and hard about it, and my logic goes like this; in canon Hetalia, Switzerland always took care of Austria, when they were kids. Then, in the present timeline, he takes care of Lichtenstein the same way. Thus why Austria and Lichtenstein are the kids. Ok? Ok.**


	15. Rumplestiltskin: UkrCan

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to my anonymous reviewer who wanted CanadaxUkraine. Credit for the idea of using Rumplestiltskin goes to PrussianAwesomeness!**

Guide

C = Canada

U = Ukraine

Li = Lithuania/Liet

E = England

Rumplestiltskin

Our next story! And Miss Ukraine will be our lovely protagonist.

**U: M-me? Really…?**

Yes! You see…

Once upon a time, there was a man who loved nothing more than to brag. He bragged that his wife was the best cook in the kingdom, that he could fight fifty men alone and win, and that their family cat could catch twenty mice in one night. But most of all, he loved to brag about his beautiful daughter Katyusha.

And one day he went too far.

"My daughter Katyusha is so clever she can… She can… Why, she can spin straw into gold!" he bragged loudly to the king's servant, Toris.

**Li: Oh, I guess that's me…**

Toris knew how much the king loved gold, so he told him about it when he returned to the palace. King Arthur (no, not that one!) just laughed, shaking his head. Though he'd seen his share of magic, having been turned into a beast and all (yeah; that Arthur. Arthur Kirkland, from Beauty and the Beast)…

**E: What, so I'm the king, now?**

Sure; you married Allie in the first fairytale, remember? That would make you the king, not just a prince.

In any case, the king didn't believe that young Katyusha could spin straw into gold at all. But then he got an idea.

"It's all a lie, no doubt… But bring in the daughter. I'll teach this man not to tell lies…"

So poor Katyusha was brought to the palace, and to a room with a pile of straw.

**U: B-but… It was just a lie! I can't really spin straw into gold…**

As she was being led to the room, the prince, Matthew (named after the queen's brother), caught sight of her. A more lovely girl he had never seen in his life.

**C: O-oh, I'm a prince, now?**

Katyusha tried to explain to the king, when he ordered that she spin the straw into gold, but he wouldn't hear of it. And if she couldn't do it, he told her he would throw her father in prison.

"B-but no one can spin straw into gold," she sobbed.

"I can."

The blonde looked up, brushing tears from her eyes, and saw a little fluffy white bear sitting before her.

**C: It's Kumatoshi!**

Er… Close enough, I guess.

"D-did you speak…?" she asked him cautiously.

"Yeah," he replied, nodding. "… Who?"

"I-I'm Katyusha… Can you really spin this straw into gold for me?"

The polar bear pointed to the small ribbon tied at a bow on her shirt.

"Ribbon. Give."

Blinking confusedly, Katyusha untied the ribbon and handed it over. Then the polar bear got to work, and in a few minutes had changed all of the straw into pure gold thread. Katyusha hugged the fluffy animal and thanked him over and over. He just nodded when she set him down. She only looked away for a second, to glance at the pile of gold, but when Katyusha looked back, the bear was gone.

**U: W-wow…**

Arthur came in at sunset, and was shocked to see that the straw actually had been made into gold. But he thought it might be a trick, like leprechauns played on foolish humans. So he refused to let Katyusha leave, and set her to work in a new room the next morning, with more straw.

**E: Well… I guess that makes sense.**

Prince Matthew was worried about the young girl, so he unbarred the door, and peeked his head in.

"Miss… Are you ok?"

Katyusha stared; he was wearing a crown… It had to be the prince.

"O-oh, yeas I'm f-fine…" she mumbled.

He seemed nice, but… What if he knew she couldn't spin straw into gold? What would he think then?

**U: M-maybe he wouldn't like me then!**

** C: Please don't worry about things like that… You're so nice, everyone likes you!**

** U: D-do you r-really think so…?**

** C: O-of course…**

… Awwww…

Katyusha and Prince Matthew talked for a while, and he was able to sneak her some food, too. But eventually, he had to leave for lunch. So he did, apologizing profusely, and Katyusha was alone.

"If only that bear could find me…" she said softly.

"Here."

The blonde farm girl jumped, and spun to face, once again, the little white bear. He had her ribbon tied around one of his paws, and she thought he looked almost more adorable than before.

**U: Awww…**

"C-can you please spin the straw into gold again…?"

"Yeah."

And so once again, the nameless little bear spun the straw into gold. And when he was finished, he pointed his ribboned paw to the top of Katyusha's head.

"Headband."

So the blonde girl pulled the headband from her hair and handed it to the bear. And then her bangs fell around her face in a very cute manner. But when she had pushed some of the hair from her eyes, the bear was gone again.

**U: What a mysterious bear…**

I'll say.

That evening, Katyusha was confident she would be able to go home. But the King had other ideas. Once more. Just once more, she was to spin straw into gold, he told her; but it was the biggest room yet.

"If you can spin this into gold, I'll let you marry my son," the king said, smiling.

Because Arthur had seen the longing looks his son had given the door where young Katyusha was kept. And even his wife could tell something was up, with all of the questions Prince Matthew asked about the young girl staying in the castle.

"After all, if she can pull this off, she'll deserve him," the king said to himself.

But Katyusha was in despair. Surely the bear can't find me this time, she thought to herself.

"Here."

It seemed to be the small bear's customary greeting.

"Oh, you're here!"

And though she didn't know it, the bear was thinking something along the lines of 'duh; that's what 'here' means.'

**C: Kimaroji… What am I going to do with that bear?**

I don't know… But! On to the story!

Without a prompt, the small bear began to spin the straw into gold. It took him almost to sundown, but he finished just in time. Katyusha thanked the polar bear over and over again, and even kissed him on his little black nose.

"What is it you want?" she asked him.

The bear blinked silently for a few seconds.

"… Baby."

**U: A baby?**

"B-but I don't have a-!"

But then the king burst in, and the bear was gone when she looked back.

When he saw that all the straw had been turned into gold once again, he was overjoyed. And so was Katyusha. She and Prince Matthew were married within a week, in a wedding so magnificent that it would be remembered for centuries!

Both she and the prince were so happy, and Katyusha forgot all about what the bear had asked of her. Although… she did notice that the prince had a polar bear for a bet. But even that didn't remind her. She just thought the fluffy animal was cute. It could be said that both the Prince and his wife were kind of birdbrains.

**C: H-hey!**

** U: That's not… Very nice!**

I know, I know. I meant it in the nicest way possible.

In any case, once the two were married, the aging king and queen stepped down, so they could help advise their son, and help him transition to his new position as king.

**C: O-oh, king? That sounds like a huge responsibility…**

Indeed it was. But all of that was overshadowed by joy when the new Queen Katyusha had a child; a son.

And then one day, the bear began to talk again. Katyusha was just sitting on the throne with her son cradled in her arms when the polar bear sat on the floor in front of her.

"Mine," it said, pointing a ribboned paw at the baby in Katyusha's arms.

"W-what, no," she stammered. "Not my baby, please no…"

The bear tilted his head.

"Guess name. Three days."

Katyusha bit her lip. She had to… Guess the bear's name? What could it possibly-

"Oh!"

The polar bear belonged to Matthew! He would know its name.

**U: O-of course!**

** C: Yeah, it's Kamijima**

… As you can see, asking King Matthew didn't really get either of them anywhere. The Queen and King guessed and guessed for many hours. Anything from Michael to Kunamatata to Jimakiro. Nothing was right, and the bear would just sit there and shake its head.

The same happened the next day…

"Kimatomo, stop this right now!" Matthew finally shouted, angry about how upset his wife was, and that he, it seemed, could do nothing to help.

The bear looked at him blankly.

"Who?"

For the whole two days of guessing, the bear refused to acknowledge knowing King Matthew. To add to that poor Katyusha was nearly in tears. Until her most favorite messenger showed up. It was Toris.

**Li: M-me? W-wow, really?**

** U: Sure! I think you would make a very good worker.**

Yup. And he had noticed something that the poor King and Queen hadn't.

"Um… Your Majesty…" he said softly. "The bear… He has a collar, with a tag, you know."

**Li: … Wow, what a twist…**

** U: N-now I feel really stupid…**

** C: Don't feel bad! … I can't even remember my own bear's name… Well, he can never remember mine, so I guess we're fair…**

This is true.

Well, when the bear once again sat in front of the throne, Queen Katyusha bent down and picked him up. She realized the collar seemed to be made from her old headband and smiled. Then she read the name from the tag.

"Kumajiro."

And Kumajiro the bear nodded.

Katyusha laughed, hugging Kumajiro and once again kissing him on his nose. King Matthew chuckled sheepishly, walking up to his wife and pet.

"Sorry, Kumajiro," he muttered.

The bear smiled.

"Matthew."

And the king never forgot his polar bear's name again.

**C: W-well… That's a really unexpected ending…**

** U: I think it was cute.**

** C: R-really?**

** U: Yeah.**

The End

PS: Totally in need of your help, guys! Who should be the villain in a TurkeyxEgypt fairytale? I don't know, please help me!


	16. Little Mermaid: TurEgy

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Lumoa (once again), because she wanted me to be nice to Turkey, and to SuperMiniMutt, who wanted the Little Mermaid. Ta da~! Also, this is based more on the Disney version, because sad endings + Hetalia = 'Um, what?' but I've added a lot of my own ideas into the plot.**

Guide

T = Turkey

Eg = Egypt

E = England

The Little Mermaid

Well, Turkey, what do you think? Your own story!

**T: I **_**think**_** ya better not put Greece in this story, that's what I think!**

Er… Well, you heard it from the source folks… Instead (as I cannot imagine Spain being evil, though he is apparently Yandere except when Romano is involved…) I'm afraid England will once again be taking the stage.

**E: Hey! Why do you always put me in your bloody stories when you can't think of anyone else?**

Um… No offence, England but… You're really good at making enemies. So. Well… Er, I'll move on now.

**E: …**

Don't glare at me like that! It's scaaaary… I'm gonna start the story now!

Ok! Once upon a time, there was a kingdom under the sea, filled with many merpeople. The ruler of this kingdom had seven lovely daughters. Now, none of them are really important except for the youngest, whose name was Ghaziyah*. She had short dark hair, green eyes, tanned skin, and didn't speak much. When she did speak, it was always something meaningful, and she was noted as the wisest of all of her sisters.

**Eg: Thank you, that's very flattering. You chose a good name.**

You're welcome. And thank you, too, I found it rather fitting. Er, anyway!

But there was one thing that no one in the palace could understand. It was the princess's fascination with the land above the surface of the water. Her sisters were all morbidly fascinated with her strange hobby, but none of them agreed with it. And there was one thing no one knew. It was that young Ghaziyah kept a small, secret cave just outside the palace, and she filled it with objects from the surface world. Anything that fell off of boats or was tossed into the ocean, she gathered when she snuck out of the palace.

But this activity made her very late for whatever royal duties she usually had to attend to. And it made her father very angry that she was always gone with no good reason. But he really couldn't do anything about it, because Ghaziyah was very clever, and was easily able to sneak out whenever she wanted to. She still felt bad to do so, because she loved her family very much, but Ghaziyah was convinced that the merpeople would be able to get along with the humans, and wanted to do anything she could to find out about humans, so she could prove it to everyone in the kingdom.

**Eg: Ah, I see.**

One day, while returning to the palace after dropping off more artifacts in her cave one night, Ghaziyah saw a huge shadow above the water. She swam to the surface, only to find that it was a huge ship! There were many humans on board, but one immediately drew her gaze. Like the others on board, he was dancing around, and he was playing an instrument. But this man was different, somehow. He had dark hair, and his eyes were too shadowed to see, because, he was wearing a white mask.

**T: Finally, I'm the good guy!**

Yeah! Way to go, Turkey! Ganbatte kudasai**!

**T: W-wait, you speak Japanese…?**

Sure do! Now, I shall continue.

Immediately, Ghaziyah was curious. She had never seen anyone wear a mask before, though she knew what they were. The mermaid princess wasn't aware of how long she'd been watching the masked man, but while she was distracted, vicious-looking green clouds had rolled into the sky.

Soon a fierce storm was raging, and everyone on board the ship was struggling to survive. And then lightning struck the wooden vessel, and it caught on fire!

**T: Aw, man!**

Many got out in lifeboats, but the man in the mask wasn't able to get off the ship before the fire hit the barrels of gunpowder in the cargo hold. The ship exploded.

**T: I only just became the good guy, and you're already tryin' ta kill me! Jeez!**

Sorry… But that's how the story goes…

In any case… Ghaziyah searched frantically through the water to try and find the prince. Eventually, she saw him drifting on a broken plank from the ship. But then he began to slip under the water. She dove down to save him, and then swam against the huge waves of the storm to get him to shore.

Finally, as she was getting him up onto the sand of the coast nearby, the storm began to abate. Amazingly, the man's mask had stayed on the entire time. With curious, slender fingers, Princess Ghaziyah removed the mask. The mask hid nothing; no scars or blemishes or burns. Only a very smooth, handsome face. And so the young mermaid ran her fingers over the planes of his face, thinking how beautiful he was.

"There's not so much difference between us," she whispered softly. "If only my people could see that."

**Eg: That is a wise view. People should all be equal.**

And then the man began to stir. Startled, the princess dropped his mask and fled into the ocean. Though he knew I would break the laws of the mer-kingdom if he were to see her, that didn't mean she couldn't watch him. So as he woke, and was rushed up to by one of his attendants who had been searching the beach for survivors, Ghaziyah watched.

"Prince Sadiq, are you ok?"

So his name was Sadiq, she thought to herself. And he was a prince.

**T: Heck yeah! After all that stuff ya put me through, I deserve to be a prince!**

Look, I'm doing this to make it up to you, ok? Chillax! Now… Where was I…?

The princess Ghaziyah was deeply fascinated with the prince, almost a love at first sight. After all, she had taken the time to save him specifically, right? But there was no way her father would ever permit her to be together with a human.

And though it was foolish, Ghaziyah decided that the only way to get all of the options she could have was to go to the Sea Witch.

**E: Oh, no! No. No. Bloody no! I've been a beast, a princess, a giant and a fairy! You are not going to make me a witch!**

But England… You've gotten two happy endings and have only been a bad guy once… Y-you're so ungrateful…

**E: F-fine! Fine, I'll do it!**

Yay! Ok, let's continue!

The Sea Witch had been banished many, many years before. But she was very powerful. And so, Ghaziyah cautiously entered her cave, tense, just in case she were to be attacked. She wasn't.

"What is it you want, Miss Princess?" the Sea Witch asked sharply, appearing from the shadows suddenly.

Her emerald eyes were piercing and bitter, but Ghaziyah was firm and strong-willed. She was able to state her request without stammering.

"I want to know if you can transform me into a human."

The witch laughed.

"So you want to be human, huh… It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that prince fellow, would it?"

For the Sea Witch was very tricky, and very well informed. She had seen, through her magic, that Princess Ghaziyah had saved Sadiq. And she planned to use it to her advantage.

**E: I really don't enjoy being the bad guy…**

**T: Ha! Ya think that's bad! I had two humiliating stories like this in a row!**

Guys, guys, please! Someone has to be the bad guy, you know! It can't always be Russia…

**E: … Why not?**

Um, because he's not _that_ bad. So suck it up, I have a story to tell.

Ghaziyah didn't reply to the Sea Witch's question.

"I can make a potion to turn you human. For three days. Three days only. But. If the prince kisses you; and I don't mean some random peck on the cheek, here ok? A real kiss. A true kiss. Then you will remain human forever," the blonde witch grinned.

Ghaziyah nodded, but the Sea Witch held up a finger.

"But. If you can't get him to kiss you before the sunset on the third day, you become my prisoner. And, to make this potion, I'm going to need something of yours."

The young princess looked at her questioningly.

"Your voice," the Sea Witch specified.

And though she didn't talk overly much, Ghaziyah was very hesitant to give up her voice. Everything she said had meaning, was important. And without a voice, there was no way to speak to… Him. The prince.

But… This might be her only chance…

**Eg: Quite a dilemma…**

Indeed.

But Princess Ghaziyah finally agreed, and signed the Sea Witch's contract. Then, as soon as she'd drunk the potion, her tail split into two legs, and suddenly, she found herself unable to breathe. Frantically, the princess struggled to reach the surface.

Finally, she threw herself upon the shore, coughing and sputtering. And everything went dark.

It was in this way that Prince Sadiq found her.

He had been strolling along the beach, wondering at his luck… Trying to figure out how he was still alive. And the prince was a pretty compassionate guy, so he immediately picked up the stranded young woman and carried her all the way to the palace. Ghaziyah stirred halfway there, and awoke in his arms. Her green eyes widened, but as she tried to make a shocked noise, nothing happened.

That was right, she'd given up her voice…

**Eg: That could become a problem.**

Still, she was able to communicate with the prince through writing, and they found that they had much in common. Even though she couldn't speak, he cared for her very much. And Ghaziyah was ecstatic. Because there was a very good chance that the prince would kiss her.

The Sea Witch wasn't nearly as happy.

**E: Back to me being evil again…**

She had to find some way to stop Sadiq from kissing Princess Ghaziyah. Even if she had to cheat; which, despite her dark inclinations, she didn't normally condone.

**E: Well, at least I have my good points.**

No need to be so cynical, England.

So the Sea Witch disguised herself as a human, and went up to the surface. Using her magic, she forced Prince Sadiq to fall in love with her. He announced his marriage on the dawn of the third day; and poor Ghaziyah was utterly destroyed inside. She wept many tears, but could not even form a sob, and that was even more painful to her.

**Eg: How tragic…**

But when she passed the room in the palace given to the Prince's fiancé, she saw the woman's reflection; it was that of the She Witch! The princess needed to stop the Sea Witch's magic and fast to save her prince! But how…?

And then she recalled something her father had told her when she was small, to help protect her, if she ever wandered off into the dangerous parts of the ocean; witches always kept their magic in a seashell, and it would float away if the shell was broken.

As a courtesy to the young mute that the prince had been 'taking care of', Ghaziyah was invited to the seaside wedding that evening. And when the Sea Witch, in disguise, of course, walked down the aisle, the clever princess pretended to trip, and grabbed the necklace around the imposter's neck. It had a seashell on the end. And when the seashell hit the hard ground of the pavilion, the Sea Witch was revealed for who she truly was, and the prince was free of her spell.

**T: Alright! I can almost taste this happy ending!**

Not yet, lover boy.

**T: Aw, great… Now what?**

Well… You see…

The sun had set by then, and though poor Ghaziyah got her voice returned to her, she would become the Sea Witch's prisoner. Her legs morphed back into a tail, and she watched Prince Sadiq helplessly as the witch dragged her away; any mer-person who broke a magical contract would be immediately turned into sea foam.

**T: I guess this means I gotta save the princess now!**

It sure does! Go for it, chief!

Prince Sadiq grabbed a harpoon from his ship nearby and dove deep into the water. The salt stung his eyes, but he was desperate to save the young woman he realized that he truly loved. The pressure was pushing on him as he reached Ghaziyah and the Sea Witch, and he wasted no time tossing the harpoon with all his might. His aim was true, and the harpoon pierced the evil witch, and she exploded in a rush of ink.

**T: Yeah! I defeated the witch!**

That you did.

But then everything got hazy for the young prince, and, panicking, Ghaziyah grabbed him and swam them both to the surface.

In the end, Princess Ghaziya was able to use her powerful voice to convince her kingdom that humans and mer-people could live in harmony. Then her father was able to use his power to change her into a human permanently. Then she and Prince Sadiq were married and lived happily ever after!

**T: I gotta say… Ya did a good job. This was a good story.**

**Eg: I agree. It was very entertaining.**

Why thank you!

**E: I'm sure you know what I think of it…**

Oh, England… Well, too bad for you, because it looks like this is-

The End

*** Ok, well, Egypt's first name, Gupta, is actually an Indian (like, as in 'from India') surname/last name. SO. There is no female equivalent. Though it is said to have derived from a word that means something like 'protector'. So I found as close as I could in Arabic names starting with G. Ghaziyah means 'female warrior'. So. Yeah. Hooray. Praise me for my totally awesome research skills. :D**

**** Essentially meaning 'do your best' in Japanese.**

**PS: Guys I need your help again… Who would be a good bad guy for the DenmarkxNorway story? A few people have expressed interest in one, and it's the next on my list, but… I have no villain!**


	17. Snow White: DenNor

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Narcisse minuit and to Shy Music Angel's sister, who both wanted some DenmarkxNorway!**

Guide

N = Norway

D = Denmark

Ice = Iceland

Su = Sweden

Fin = Finland

B = Belarus

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Ok, here it is! The super-long-awaited Denmark and Norway story!

**N: No. No, no, no. Absolutely no-**

** D: Man, this is going to be great, right?**

** N: … Suuuuuure.**

** D: Exactly! Start the story!**

Well then… Ok. Once upon a time, there was a queen who wanted a child. And one day, she pricked her finger, and a drop of her blood fell on the ebony wood of the windowsill. And as she looked outside at the snowy landscape out her window, the queen made a wish.

"I wish to have a daughter with skin as pale as snow, hair as black as ebony, and lips as red as blood."

And very soon, she was indeed with child.

Unfortunately for her, her daughter had blonde hair, blue eyes, and only somewhat pale skin. Serves her right for making such a stupid wish anyway.

**N: That's… A little harsh.**

Well, oh well. In any case…

Because she hadn't gotten her wish, the queen named her baby Nikolina instead of 'Snow White' like she'd planned.

**N: And thank goodness for that.**

Yeah, I kind of have to agree…

Anyway, Nikolina was a beautiful young girl, and the prince from the next kingdom over, young Prince Mathias, was totally smitten with her. In a puppy love way, people. They were only six… But she thought he was foolish; in fact, Mathias was so dense, that he never knew she was making fun of him.

**D: What kinda messed up story is this? It doesn't sound like us at all!**

** Ice: … Woooooow.**

** N: I know, right?**

That's not nice, you two. Even if it is funny.

Um, anyway… Unfortunately, the queen became ill and died while Nikolina was still a child. So the King remarried to a beautiful young princess named Natalya.

**Fin: Oh no, but that's-**

** B: Why isn't brother in this story? And why did you set him up with that stupid burger-eating idiot? I'll kill you!**

Luckily for me, I'm omniscient and omnipresent, so she really can't do that.

**Su: I w'ldn't pr'ss y'r l'ck…**

Yes, I think that's a good suggestion… Back to the story! Er… where were we…? Oh dear, let's see… Beautiful… Princess… Ah!

But, though she was very beautiful, the now-Queen Natalya was cold and vain. She didn't love young Nikolina (why do all these fairytale guys have so much trouble remarrying?).

**B: Why should I? I only care for my big brother, and where is he?**

MOVING ON, the only thing that the new Queen brought to the palace was a mirror in a golden frame. And, because she did black magic, the mirror was quite obviously magic. At least, we know that. The king and Sn- I mean Nikolina, had no idea.

Anyway, each night the queen whispered to the mirror:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who's the fairest of them all?"

And, always, the mirror answered:

"You, my queen, are the fairest by far!"

And the queen was pleased, because the mirror could not lie.

But as Nikolina grew into a young lady, she became more and more lovely. And so one day, when the queen asked her question, she got a different reply:

"You, my queen, are quite lovely too,

But young Nikolina is fairer than you."

And Queen Natalya's lovely face twisted in rage as she scowled, and became quite ugly.

**B: How dare you…!**

So she called her most trusted huntsman, and ordered that he take the young princess out into the forest and kill her. She demanded further that he cut out her heart and bring it back as proof.

**Fin: H-how… Horrible…**

** Su: D'n't… W'rry, T'no.**

Now, this hunter happened to be quite young himself, though he never failed in a hunt, and his aim was always true. Thus why he had ascended the ranks so quickly to become the new queen's favorite. He had tousled white hair and purple eyes, and had made a constant companion of a strange, talking bird.

**Ice: W-wait, you mean I…?**

And so, silent, he found Princess Nikolina out in the gardens, and grabbed her wrist. She tried to ask what was going on, but he didn't respond, leading her out into the forest. But when she looked up at him, blue eyes shining with tears, his resolve broke. This young girl had been nothing but kind to him, since before the new queen had ascended to the throne. She had spoken to him kindly, and gently.

And so, even with his strange bird muttering violent words, and urging him to go on and finish it already, the hunter dropped his knife.

**Su: Se'? T'ld y'.**

** Fin: I-I g-guess you were right… Phew…**

** N: You think you're relieved?**

"Let the wild animals kill you, I can't!" he cried, turning and rushing off into the forest; leaving Nikolina lost and alone.

On the way back to the castle, the hunter killed a young deer and cut out its heart, to present to Queen Natalya. She was quite pleased, and thought to herself, surely she had nothing to fear in the way of competition ever again.

Young Nikolina wandered through the dark forest, alone and terrified. Until she heard some twittering in the trees, and looked up to see a bright yellow chick. It peeped and then flew off. Curious, the princess followed it. And after many minutes, the small bird had led her to a quaint little cottage at the edge of the woods.

Now, meanwhile, though it has nothing to do with our story, an albino prince was calling for his missing feathered companion. The name 'Gilbird' echoed through the other side of the forest for a long time after. But, that's not really important! On with the story!

**D: Yeah, jeez, enough stalling!**

Um, well… Ok, then… Um… Ah! The cottage! Ok! I know where we are now!

**D: Then get on with it!**

Ok, ok, sheesh!

So, Nikolina knocked on the door of the cottage. But when no one answered, she cautiously opened the door and walked in. There were two plates set on the table, and two beds along the wall, though one seemed to be pushed to the side, as though it weren't really used.

**D: What kinda pointless detail is that…?**

… You'll see.

Now, Princess Nikolina was achingly hungry by this time, having been wandering the forest for hours with no food. It was nearly dusk. So, when she saw a small loaf of bread on each plate, and wine in each cup, she simply couldn't resist. Her stomach rumbled loudly in encouragement, and she dug in.

But! You must remember, that Nikolina was a kind young girl, and took only enough to stave off her hunger and thirst, because surely whoever lived in the cottage would be hungry too, right?

**Fin: That's really thoughtful!**

** Su: Ye'h… 'T is…**

And when she wasn't quite so hungry, Nikolina realized that she was really very tired. And so she took the bed off to the side, and curled up and fell asleep.

Not soon after that, the cottage's occupants returned. I think you may just recognize them, too. Because it was the (at that time) fairy new couple, Berwald and Tina (from the Rapunzel story, if you'll remember).

**Fin: W-wha? S-Su-san, it's us!**

** Su: Mmhmm.**

Both of them were very surprised to see a girl sleeping in their extra bed, and bits of food missing from their plates.

"… We shouldn't wake her," Tina urged, and Berwald nodded, agreeing.

So they ate what was left of their food and went to bed themselves.

The next morning, Nikolina was startled to see the newlyweds bustling around, and quite intimidated, as most people were, by poor Berwald.

**Fin: I-It's ok, Su-san!**

**Su: … Mmhmm.**

I-I didn't mean to upset you, Sweden! I just mean… Well, you're really tall, you know!

**Su: … 'T's ok.**

Oh, ok then… I'll continue!

Nikolina explained her story, and asked if she could please, just please, possibly stay with them. Berwald and Tino both agreed, and since they both had to go out and work (Tina became a stay-at-home mother after having Peter, but… Well, that hasn't happened yet, so!), Nikolina volunteered to do chores around the house. Still, every morning, Berwald gave the princess one last warning.

"D'n't l't 'nyone 'n th' ho'se wh'le w're 'way," he always said as he and his wife left the house.

Meanwhile, Queen Natalya was convinced for months that young Nikolina was dead and gone, and didn't ask her question to the mirror. But one night, when the king was away on business, she asked again, running a hand through her long hazel hair. But the mirror could not lie, and so it replied:

"You, my queen, are quite fair too,

But Nikolina is still more fair than you."

And Natalya's face grew black with rage, and she snarled, demanding where Nikolina could be found. And, because the mirror couldn't lie, it sighed and told her.

**B: What a disgusting mirror! And why should I ever be asking about some stupid girl when I could be asking where big brother is!**

At once, Natalya retreated to the catacombs of the castle, and prepared a very, very… Special apple.

**B: … I very much like the sound of this. … Continue!**

Yes (your _majesty_…), of course.

One side of the apple was green and safe to eat, and the other side was red, and poisonous. Then, the queen disguised herself as an old peddler woman and set off.

Now, Nikolina was in no way stupid, so when the old woman knocked at the door, she didn't let her in.

"I'm not supposed to let strangers inside," she said very clearly.

And the queen nodded solemnly.

"Yes, of course. Very clever of you. But please, won't you try one of my apples?"

And to prove that it was safe, Natalya turned the green side to her lips and bit into it. Nikolina wavered. The apple was so very crisp and red… So she nodded, accepting the apple, and bit into the red side. Immediately, she collapsed, dead.

**D: Hey! That's no kinda way to end a story!**

**N: It's not done yet, genius.**

**D: Oh, it's not (thanks, by the way)? Have you heard this one before?**

… I'll just go on, shall I.

The queen returned to the castle, overjoyed and cackling madly.

Meanwhile, when Berwald and Tina returned in the evening, they found poor Nikolina still lying on the floor. Her face was a deathly pale, and neither of them could feel a heartbeat. There was nothing else to do but bury her, but Tina couldn't bear to do it, and asked her husband pleadingly, if perhaps he could make a glass coffin.

He did just that, and every morning before he set out, Berwald would say a rumbling goodbye to Nikolina, looking as lovely as ever, even in death. Tina stayed at home, in mourning, for many months, and vowed that if ever she had a child, she would never leave them alone at the house all day. Not after this.

**Fin: I-I… I th-think I'm g-going to cry…**

**Su: … C'mere, T'no…**

**Fin: I-it's just so sad, Su-san, isn't it…?**

**Su: Mmhmm.**

N-now I feel like crying…

Many years passed, and Nikolina aged to maturity, growing lovelier and lovelier. And one day, a prince rode past, and saw the glass coffin, and the lovely princess inside. And when he saw the small plaque on the coffin, reading 'Nikolina', he halted his horse immediately, and raced up to the glass to peer inside.

And of course, the prince was young Mathias, all grown up. And he was quite handsome, and had many princesses wishing he would propose. But Mathias had always said no, for he had been waiting, hoping, for a day when he could propose to Nikolina. To see her in the glass coffin nearly made him weep, for it was a scene both beautiful and tragic.

Both Tina and Berwald returned quite soon after this, and saw the young man looking longingly down at Nikolina. And there was something about this man that Berwald simply didn't like. So he harnessed his intensity, and stepped forward.

"G't out."

And the words were so cold that they made even Prince Mathias, headstrong as he was, take a step back.

**D: What? He doesn't scare me!**

**Su: …**

G-guys… L-let's not make this personal… Um… I'll go on, now.

"Why should I?" the prince demanded in a rage. "This is Nikolina, my Nikolina… Here, in this coffin… I never knew! And she's gone!"

"Sh's… N't y'rs…" Berwald growled.

But then Tina stepped in between the two men. She could see that Prince Mathias truly cared about Nikolina, as she and Berwald did, and she didn't want them to fight. Berwald was still adamant that Mathias leave, but the prince said to them, that he wanted to kiss Nikolina. Once, he told them; if only once.

**N: … Oh, no…**

**D: Shy?**

**N: … Yeah, **_**sure**_**…**

Oh, come on, Norway, the story's almost over!

Tina agreed, and she and Berwald lifted the glass, and Prince Mathias leaned down. As he kissed Nikolina, a small bit of apple fell from her lips, and her blue eyes fluttered open.

She was dazed, and very surprised to woke cradled in Mathias's arms, for he was easily recognizable, even matured. And, somehow, she found that she didn't think him quite so foolish. He didn't, perhaps, look so silly.

And when he bent down on one knee and proposed, she accepted.

Then, the two of them, Nikolina saying a quick farewell to Berwald and Tina, left to Mathias's kingdom, and were soon married. And they lived happily, if not always peacefully, ever after.

**D: Hah, that was a great story!**

**Fin: Yes, I… I thought it was rather nice… Right, Su-san.**

**Su: … Mmhmm.**

**Ice: Wait, guys, but what about-**

As for Queen Natalya… She was sure of her answer after so many years, and when she asked, it was simply out of vanity. Except…

Said the mirror:

"Your face is hideous as a hyena,

Compared to the beauty of Nikolina.*"

Natalya screamed in rage, and tore the mirror from the wall, dashing it against a table. But a large shard broke off, and pierced her black heart. She died, never to see Nikolina at her loveliest; on the day of her wedding to Mathias.

**B: … I'll show you hideous…**

Well, what do you know, Belarus, I think I see your brother in that closet that locks from the outside!

**B: Kekkon, kekkon, kekkon…**

… Phew! Got rid of her. Hey, that was pretty easy! Now then! I think it's time for-

**B: Let me out of here! Let… Me… Out…**

The End

** * Ok, since the last little 'mirror couplet' rhymed with Snow White, I was kinda screwed. But! Hey, I found a rhyme for Nikolina after all! And I locked Belarus in a closet! … Today was a good day… 3**

**PS: Thank you all for your awesome villain suggestions! I just couldn't see Su-san being evil… Especially since the evil stepmom queen is hating on Norway, not Denmark… But! He still got to piss off Denmark, so I think it'll be ok… And I added a teensy bit of Prussia for everyone who missed him!**


	18. Goldilocks: Axis centric

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. The idea of using Goldilocks for a story goes to** **PouringRain-BlazingStorm! Thank you for such an awesome idea~!**

Guide

G = Germany

J = Japan

I = Italy

A = America

C = Canada

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Ok, all, another story with no romance.

**C: I guess that means we're safe for now…**

… Ouch. I think I'll ignore that barb-

**A: What?**

… Nevermind. Ok, once again, we'll see some very familiar characters. Hopefully you'll recognize them, but if not, hey, whatever.

Once upon a time, when our heroine from the very first story (think back; Beauty and the Beast, if you'll recall) was still quite young, she was quite a curious little thing.

**A: Hey, wait! This is me again, right?**

Yes, it's you.

Anyways, her big brother, Matthew-

**C: I made an appearance!**

… So you did. Look, guys, I really need to start this story.

ANYWAY, her big brother always warned young Allie not to go into the woods near their house. But the chirping birds and lovely flowers were just so tempting… So one day, young Allie strayed into the woods. At first, she only picked some flowers. But then a rabbit caught her eye, and she chased it for a while. But then… Allie looked back and realized she was totally lost!

She started to c-

**A: …**

Er… She totally didn't cry, cuz that's not what heroes do… Um… And eventually found herself in a clearing with a small cottage. Allie bravely (of course) knocked on the door, but no one answered. She knocked again, and the door swung open slowly.

With a shrug, the blonde walked inside the cottage and began to explore. In the middle of the room was a wooden table with three bowls. One was very, very large, and filled with what looked like sausages. The second was medium-sized, and contained, as far as Allie could tell, only rice. The third, and smallest, was a bowl of pasta.

**I: PAAASTAAAA!**

"Well," said Allie to herself, "this food does look pretty good… nd I am th only one here. I might as well eat it, or it'll go to waste!"

**A: That is a very good philosophy.**

** C: … I didn't know he knew a word like 'philosophy'…**

Anyway… Allie started with the biggest bowl, and picked up the fork next to it. But the sausage inside was piping hot, and she burned her tongue.

"Ouch!" the blonde cried, pulling back and dropping the fork. "That's way too hot!"

Undaunted, she moved on to the next bowl. She wasn't sure what the funny sticks next to the bowl of rice were for, so she just used the fork next to the sausage bowl instead.

**J: Eating rice without chopsticks… Improper…**

** I: Ve~ it's ok, Japan!**

** J: …**

Um… I… I'll move on.

But the rice was far too bland for young Allie, and after a few forkfuls, she rejected the rice and turned to the bowl of pasta.

"That rice needed something to go with it," Allie nodded resolutely.

The pasta was spaghetti, and had a nice meat sauce, topped with parmesan cheese. And it was just right. So right, in fact, that Allie gobbled it all up.

**I: Nooooo! The pasta!**

Poor Italy…

Then, finally full, Allie explored further. There were three chairs as well. Just the same; a large one, a medium one, and a small one! She tried the first chair, but sunk right into it.

"This chair's too soft!" Allie complained loudly, getting out of the large chair.

She tried the medium chair next, but it was too hard, and had no cushion at all. She liked that one even less.

"But maybe," she said aloud, pounding a fist into her palm in realization, "the last chair will be just right!"

But when Allie sat upon the last chair, it gave way entirely, and broke into pieces. Allie shrieked, and complained when she picked herself up, rubbing her bottom. That had _hurt_!

The blonde stomped upstairs, and then found three beds all in a row. She once again tried the biggest first-

**A: I would've learned from the other times and just laid in the little one!**

… The big one was closest.

**A: … Oooooooooooh. I get it. Nevermind, then.**

In any case…

But the big bed was far too hard, and it hurt poor Allie's back. So she tried the middle-sized bed. But it was way too soft, and she was barely able to scramble out of it. But finally, the last bed was just right, and so, exhausted from all of her food and chair and bed testing, Allie curled up and fell asleep right away.

**G: … Japan, Italy and I haven't shown up yet. So does that mean…**

It does indeed!

Minutes after young Allie fell asleep, three bears came trooping home. A Papa Bear, a Mama Bear, and a Baby Bear!

Care to guess who is who?

**G: … You made me the Papa Bear, didn't you.**

Ding ding ding, correct! Although I guess the bowls of food made it pretty obvious…

Anyway!

"Our lunch should be cooled off by now," said Papa Bear.

"I hope so very much," added Mama Bear calmly.

**J: Ah… I've been gender-switched.**

** I: Ve~! Jusr like I was, in the Cinderella story!**

** G: … I haven't been, yet.**

Um… You're too manly.

**G: … I'm not sure how to respond.**

Then I'll continue!

"Ve~! Me too, I'm hungry!" Baby Bear exclaimed.

But when they opened the door, they immediately realized something was wrong. Papa Bear found his fork in Mama Bear's rice, and saw a half-eaten sausage at the top of his bowl.

"Someone's eaten my lunch," he growled.

"And mine as well! And without using chopsticks!" Mama Bear lamented.

"S-someone… Has b-been eating m-my lunch… And now it's all gone!" Baby Bear sobbed, for he was so very hungry, and someone had eaten his pasta all up!

**I: Th-that… It's so saaaaaaaaaad!**

Aw… Cheer up, Italy!

"Papa and I will share with you," Mama Bear comforted her child. "Now let's sit down and eat."

But then they noticed their chairs.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair!" grumbled Papa Bear, for hesaw that the cushions had been moved.

"Mine as well," noted Mama Bear, seeing how the chair had been pushed out.

"A-and someone sat i-in my chair, and broke it all to pieces!" Baby Bear sniffled, still mourning his lost pasta.

At that, Papa Bear decided that they should look around for the thief who'd eaten Baby Bear's pasta and broken his little chair. But finding nothing, the three crept upstairs to check the bedrooms.

**A: … Uh oh.**

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," Papa Bear noted, looking at the rumpled covers.

Mama Bear nodded.

"And in mine too."

Then Baby Bear piped up.

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed… And she's still there, ve~!"

And it was at that moment that Allie awoke, to see three bears leaning over her. She shrieked and leapt from the bed, ran down the stairs, and didn't stop doing either until she'd gotten to the edge of the forest.

Sobbing, she told her big brother all about the scary bears. He resisted the urge to say 'I told you so', and merely hugged her.

**A: Awwwww…**

** C: Y-yeah. Well, I am a pretty good brother.**

Then he warned her, once again, not to go into the woods again. She whole-heartedly agreed, and never did. Well, until…

**A: Ah, **_**that**_** story!**

** C: At least I didn't get beaten up and thrown in dungeons in this one, then.**

** A: Aw, don't be such a spoilsport.**

** I: … I want my pasta…**

** J: … Use chopsticks, America-san.**

** G: Don't make Italy cry.**

** A: E-eh? Why is everyone ganging up on me? Canada, help!**

** C: …**

Um, guys…? G-guys, it was just a story! Hey!

The End

**PS: Um, I've gotten a few requests for PrussiaxRussia… I do think it's a good enough pairing, but I really, really can't see that ending with a happily ever after, guys (at least not for Prussia)… Um. Well, the story after this is going to be mainly Prussia-centered, and Russia was to make an appearance… Would you like me to spin that one, or is there a story anyone wanted to request for the, er… (un)Lucky couple?**


	19. Gingerbread Man: PruRus ish

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Ok, I was so, so tempted… So… Yeah, it won't have a happy ending. But I swear, it'll be funny while it lasts. Dedicated to those of you wanting PrussiaxRussia. **

**I warn you… This incident may end up something like **_**this**_** incident: ( ****http : / / aph . starry - sky . com / bldesuyo . html****) {remove spaces}**

Guide

P = Prussia

R = Russia

E = England

Au = Austria

H = Hungary

Sw = Switzerland

The Gingerbread Man

Once upon a time, a little old lady lived alone in the countryside.

Yeah, I realize that seems super boring at first.

**P: No kidding… The awesome me better have an awesome role in this story.**

… Yeah. Yeah, Prussia. Whatever you want.

**E: You look incredibly guilty about something…**

Haha, me, guilty? N-no, of course not! I-I should keep going with the story!

The little old lady was a terrible cook. Absolutely could not cook at all.

**Au: We all know who that is, then.**

**E: My food is just fine, you wankers!**

**P: … Yeah, and I'm not awesome. Psh.**

U-um, anyway… Despite her cooking disability, she decided that if she had a helpful cookbook, she could cook properly. So she dug out a cookbook from her cupboard and set to work. Since she wanted to do something easy, she decided on making a gingerbread man.

**E: … Seems easy enough.**

The gingerbread man had eyes of hot tamales (the candy; if you know what that is…), a small sliver of icing for a mouth, and yes, gumdrop buttons. Then, she put him on a cookie sheet, and placed him in the oven to cook. But, even after a cup of tea, the little old lady was still anxious. What if she burned him? So, a minute before she was supposed to, she opened the oven door to take a peek.

And out leapt the gingerbread man. He laughed and ran out the door. The little old lady had failed at cooking again.

**E: … I refuse to comment.**

Suit yourself.

But the old lady chased him anyway, so angry was she.

"Get back on the pan! Get back in the oven! You're not done yet!" she called after him, shaking her rolling pin as she ran.

He just laughed.

"Run, run, run, as fast as you can!" he shouted. " You can't catch me, the awesome gingerbread man!"

**P: … you made me… A talking cookie. **_**Awesome**_**. Best. Story. Ever.**

G-glad you think so, Prussia.

**P: England was right… You're acting kinda suspicious. You're not planning something really un-awesome, are you?**

N-no…? Um… I'll go on…

Um… As he ran, the gingerbread man passed a cow wearing glasses. It also had a strange curl atop its brown head.

**Au: …**

**P: … I love this awesome story. I really do.**

**Au: …**

I think Austria is honestly speechless right now… Whoa.

**Hun: … Oh no, he's playing Chopin.**

Oh boy… I'll just… Go on while he vents…

Um… Let's see…

"Stop, stop, and I'll eat you!" the cow mooed, because the gingerbread man smelled quite delicious, even if he was made by the worst cook on earth.

**E: I refuse to acknowledge your repetitive and childish insults.**

… Don't cry, England. Um... So…

But the gingerbread man only laughed again, racing on.

"I've run away from a batty old woman, so I tell you, run, run, run, as fast as you can, you'll never catch me, the awesome gingerbread man!" he shouted.

The cow couldn't catch him either, and was stopped after many yards by a large fence. And on the other side of the fence… There was a mare with a long hazel mane.

**Hun: A horse. You made me a horse.**

Well… Yes, but… You're not a cow…? At least…?

**Au: …**

… You'll get over it, Austria.

The horse too smelled how delicious the gingerbread man would be, and she called for him to stop.

Once again he laughed. A rough, rich 'kesesesese' sound.

And he called to her:

"I've run away from an old lady, I've run away from a cow, and I'llr un from you, so run, run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch the awesome gingerbread man!"

And he sped off, cackling. And, as he said, the horse couldn't catch him either. And after giving up, she went back to the other end of the field and had a nice chat with the cow.

**Hun: Well, at least there's that to save the story.**

I'll pretend I didn't hear that one.

ANYWAY, the gingerbread man ran on, and he passed a field with a young man working. And the young man, who went by the name of Vash-

**Sw: Oh, here I am. So… I guess I don't get to be the one, then.**

**P: Eh? The one that what?**

**Sw: The one who-**

I'LL JUST CARRY ON THEN, SHALL I?

And Vash was very hungry from working so long out in the fields, and the gingerbread man smelled so yummy… And he would be free, if one could catch him to eat him… So Vash chased after the gingerbread man, calling for him to stop.

The gingerbread man's unique laugh filled the air.

"I've run away from a little old woman, a cow, and a horse, so run, run, run, fast as you can, but you'll never catch this awesome gingerbread man!" he crowed.

And it was as the gingerbread man said; Vash simply could not catch up. By then, the gingerbread man was thinking himself oh so very clever-

**P: Which is the awesome truth.**

When he passed a fox with purple eyes.

**R: … Ah. So it is me, then, da…? I am liking this story.**

**P: Hey, what's he doing here? Not awesome at all!**

N-nothing… I'll… I need to finish the story, soon…

Um, so… The gingerbread man began to run faster.

"I've run away from a little old lady, a cow, a horse, and a farmer too! So run, run, run, if you think you can, but you'll never catch me, the awesome gingerbread man!" he laughed.

"Oh, but I don't want to eat you," the fox said, grinning innocently. "I'm being chased too; by hunters. But if we cross the river, we will both be safe, da?"

And the gingerbread man didn't see the harm in that. So he agreed to team up with the fox.

**Sw: Poor, stupid, gingerbread man.**

**P: Wait, wait, wait. Is something not awesome going to happen? It'd better not, because you made me an awesome promise!**

Haha, o-of course n-nothing is gonna happen… Switzerland is just… Being silly. Haha…

Um, so… The fox jumped in the river, and the gingerbread man hopped into its tail. But halfway across the river, the fox stopped.

"You are too heavy on my tail. Move onto my back," it called back to the gingerbread man.

So he nodded, and crawled onto the fox's back. But then, the gingerbread man found, his feet dragged in the water.

"Stop, fox!" he said. "I need to move up, or my feet will get all soggy and fall off, and that's not awesome!"

So the fox stopped, grinning all the while, as the gingerbread man took a perch atop its head. Finally, they reached the other side. And the fox tossed its head up, throwing the gingerbread man high into the air-

**R: Kol, kol, kol…**

And then caught him, having transformed into a lovely young woman.

**E: Huh?**

**Au: What?**

**Hun: B-but I thought…**

**Sw: I'm sure that's not…**

**R: …**

I-it was none other than the enchantress, Ivana*. Then, using her powerful magic, she transformed the gingerbread man into a human.

**R: …**

He was too busy, studying his new reflection; silvery white hair, and blood-red eyes, in the water of the river, that he didn't notice the sorceress looking at him with a predatory glint in her eye.

The gingerbread man was never seen again. Make of that what you will.

**P: Whoa, whoa, WHOA! You did not, just- That is- No, no, no! NOT AWESOME!**

**R: … I get to keep him now, da?**

**P: WHAT?**

**Au: Go ahead.**

**Hun: It'll save my frying pans some dents.**

**Sw: I don't mind.**

**E: Good riddance, I say.**

**P: NEIN!**

Er… Russia, the stories are just that… Stories… So… No, you can't keep Prussia.

**R: Kol… Kol… Kol…**

I'm warning you, Canada will pitch a fit, and you do not want that**!

**R: … Who?**

… Oh, lord, he said it…

I-I'm going to take cover… Even if I am omniscient… So for now…

The End

*** Ivana, the lovely sorceress from the first fairytale. Also, I believe I mentioned it 'might' have been her in the Nutcracker fairytale… I'm gonna say that in light of this story, no, no it is not.**

**** I may be the only one who thinks this, but… I can see Canada getting very, very, very scary when someone actually pisses him off… One of those, sweet on the outside, serial killer-potential guys. Because. Who wouldn't snap after getting forgotten for so long?**


	20. Little Red Riding Hood: LiechtIce? ish

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. The idea of using Little Red Riding Hood for a story goes to** **the super-awesome Lumoa! Thank you so much~! Also, to my anon reviewer 'Neko' – I have caught my few typos… Just not until after I've posted (trust me when I say I read through my work four times before I post). I'm a little too lazy to try and fix them all now, but I'll try to get on it once I'm finished with the entire story.**

Guide

L = Liechtenstein

Sw = Switzerland

Ne = Netherlands/Holland

Ice = Iceland

Little Red Riding Hood

This… This may in fact be the last story…

**Sw: … Good riddance.**

**L: Oh, don't say that, brother!**

**Sw: … S-sorry…**

Um… Well… I should start now.

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young girl named Lili, who you may remember from when she and her brother Roderich defeated an evil witch while stranded in the woods one day.

**L: I'm back in the story! How exciting!**

After those events, when their family had a lot of money, her father bought her a bright red traveling cloak. Lili was so excited about the cloak that she wore it everywhere. One day, her family got news that Gramma Vasha (Why yes, the same Vasha who was a stepsister to Miss Cinder-Feli! How exciting!) was feeling ill.

**L: Oh no! How horrible!**

So, being the kind girl that she was, Lili packed up a nice warm lunch for her grandmother in a basket, and set out wearing her red cloak. Unfortunately for her, Gramma Vasha lived deep in the woods (though thankfully there was a path to her house). And poor Lili was too innocent to know how dangerous the woods really were, at least in the daytime.

**Sw: …**

W-we don't need to bring guns into this! Please put it away!

U-um, anyway… Suddenly, Lili heard a rough voice behind her.

"Hello, little lady… Where are you going?"

Lili turned to face a wolf, who was leaning against one of the forest trees. And, though she'd been strictly told by her father not to talk to strangers, this wolf seemed nice enough. At least, he was ever so pleasant, and gentlemanly.

**Ne: So wait, who's the wolf?**

It's you. You're the loli-obsessed one, aren't you? And don't smoke weird things in the conference room! Especially in front of minors!

**Ne: … So… I get to hang with little Miss Liechtenstein?**

**Sw: No.**

I-I'll carry on…

"My name's Lili! I'm going to visit my Gramma Vasha!" the blonde girl said cheerily, swinging her basket of food."She's very ill right now, so I'm bringing her some food."

The wolf nodded thoughtfully, but then pointed across the path.

"What about bringing her some of those flowers?" he asked. "If I was sick, I'd feel better if someone brought me flowers."

Lili's eyes widened. Of course! What a splendid idea!

So she bent over at the side of the road and picked some flowers for her Gramma Vasha. When she had finished, the wolf was gone.

**Sw: … I don't like the sound of this story.**

**L: Oh, please, brother! This is my second story, finally! I'll have two now! Please let her finish?**

**Sw: … Fine.**

Now, Mr. Wolf had run ahead, very quickly, so that he could get to Gramma Vasha's house first. He knocked on the door, and made his voice meek and high-pitched and sweet as he could.

"Gramma, it's me, Lili!"

Gramma Vasha coughed from the other side of the door.

"I'm too sick to get up now, Lili, darling. Just let yourself in," she called hoarsely.

So the wolf lifted the latch and entered with a snarl. Then, he tied up Gramma Vasha, threw her in the closet, and dressed himself in one of her spare nightgowns and bonnets. He didn't eat her because he was a wolf who preferred his children raw, and the older folks cooked. Elderly people just didn't taste all so wonderful.

**Ne: … You said it, man.**

Oooook…

Well, not long after, Lili came skipping up to the door.

"Gramma Vasha!" she called, knocking on the door. "It's me, Lili!"

**Sw: I really, really don't like this story.**

"Come in, dear!" the wolf called, trying to make his voice frail and hoarse.

Innocent little Lili suspected nothing and skipped in with her basket on her arm.

"Mother packed you some food to make you better, Gramma Vasha! And I picked you some flowers!" the blonde girl said cheerfully.

"That's wonderful, dear," the wolf cooed.

Then Lili saw the ears peeking out from under the nightcap.

"Goodness, Gramma Vasha! What large ears you have!" Lili gasped.

The wolf thought for sure he would be found out, but tried his hardest to be convincing.

"All the better to hear you with, darling," he answered quickly.

**Sw: … **

**L: Oh my…**

S-Switzerland, please put down the peace prize* and the handgun…

A-and then Lili noticed the wolf's eyes.

"And what bright eyes you have today, Gramma Vasha," she noted, setting the basket on the kitchen table.

"All the better to see you," the wolf replied easily, knowing he could trick young Lili.

And then the wolf smiled, and Lili started.

"Oh, my, Gramma Vasha! W-what big teeth you have!"

The wolf leapt from the bed.

"All the better to eat you with!" he snarled.

Lili screamed, running away from the wolf, but she was soon trapped in Gramma Vasha's tiny kitchen.

**L: Oh no!**

And it was around that moment that a white-haired hunter was strolling through the woods. He'd just escaped from an evil and completely psychotic queen; the one who had figured out that he hadn't killed Princess Nikolina after all…

**Ice: I-it's me again…**

Yup! You were requested back! And now you get to save the day!

**Ice :W-what, me? Really?**

Mmhmm!

You see… When he heard young Lili scream, the hunter rushed towards the sound, and smashed through the door. He was just in time too! Because the wolf had poor Lili cornered! So the hunter smashed the hilt of his knife into the back of the wolf's head. After all, he was a sensitive young lad, and he didn't want the girl cowering in the corner to see such gore at her young age.

**Sw:… Hm. I don't approve. But you can be friends. Maybe.**

**Ice: W-what?**

**L: … Um, brother…?**

While young Lili was untying her Gramma and helping her out of the closet, the young huntsman exited the house with the unconscious wolf and… Disposed of him. He came back inside, and Lili thanked him happily, hugging the hunter tight.

**L: That's really sweet…**

Then, everyone except the wolf lived. Er, I mean… Lived happily ever after. Yeah. And Lili never talked to strangers ever again.

**Ne: … That was a lame story. Except for the part about eating people. That was cool.**

**Sw: …**

**L: B-brother, please put that gun away… we're in a conference room!**

Yes, well. Um… I think that it's time for-

The End

*** In the first episode of the English dub (which can be found, posted by Funimation, on Youtube…) Switzerland threatens to hit Japan with his peace prize (if he doesn't 'man up').**

**PS: **Ok, if no one has any strong, definitive objections** (apparently they did)… **This may just be the last story. I'll have an epilogue, of course, but, well… This was my very super-last idea!** AMMENDED! BECAUSE. Natcat5... Had a huge review that totally broke my heart. And. I tried to imagine someone saying all of that in one breath. And. That's totally beside the point, huh. BUT! I will try to keep going! NEXT UP THUMBELINA! OK!**


	21. Thumbelina: KorCan

**A/N: I STILL don't****own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Thank you for waiting so long! Dedicated to natcat5, for whom I have inexplicably made a Canada/Korea story...**

Guide

C = Canada

A = America

E = England

F = France

R = Russia

P = Prussia

U = Ukraine

K = Korea

Thumbelina

Once upon a time

**E: About bloody time!**

Shush, please. I do apologize for leaving you all in suspense, but I'm back now and story time isn't over yet. Think of it like... An intermission.

So! Once upon a time, there was a little old lady. The very same, in fact, who not long before had created our friend the Gingerbread Man of Awesomeness.

**P: Heh. Pure awesome; all the ladies want a bite.**

Er, sure.

Um... she was still lonely, since the Gingerbread Man h-

**P: Of Awesomeness. Gingerbread Man of Awesomeness.**

Yes, since the er... Gingerbread Man of awesomeness... Um... Since he had run away, and all. So, she wished for a little girl. And finally she went to see a wise seer, and asked what she could possibly do. The seer gave her a seed of corn and instructed her to plant it. So she put the grain of corn in a pot full of dark dirt and watered it and waited.

And then one morning, the small pot had a flower inside just starting to bud. The woman tended carefully it until it bloomed. And when it did, curled inside was a tiny young girl.

The woman was going to name her Thumbelina, since she was the size of a thumb, but thought better of it.

**C: Thank God...**

And instead she called the girl Canadina.

**C: What. That's not much better!**

**E: I can think up better names than that!**

Oh...? Yes, like 'Flying Mint Bunny'. That is definitely a name anyone would like to have.

**E: J-just get on with your bloody story!**

Sure thing.

The two had many happy days together in the woman's cottage. The woman told little Canadina about many things, and told wondrous stories of magic and adventure. Then, each evening, the old woman tucked Canadina into her walnut-shell bed.

One one fall evening, a toad happened to be hopping through the woman's garden, and heard Canadina singing herself a lullaby. And her voice was just so very lovely that he decided then and there that she would be his bride.

**E: I get the feeling I know just who this toad is...**

**F: Oh, ma ****cher****i****, why must I always be the amphibians?**

Well... Hm... I don't know, it just kind of seems like a given. I come across a frog and I think of you, you know. Um... A-anyway...

Francis Toad (of no relation to the unfortunate soul cursed by Ivana)

**R: Hee... **

W-what's with that giggle... U-um anyway...

He, er... Then proceeded to grab her walnut shell in his slimy hands and hop back to his river home.

**C: Uh oh...**

**P: Don't worry! I'm sure the awesome me will save you... Kesesesese~**

When she woke the next morning, Canadina was horrified to find herself alone on a lily pad. Soon after, Francis Toad hopped up.

"Ma cheri, do not worry, for I shall be your husband, and I am making a home in the mud for you!"

**F: Mud...?**

**E: Pfft...**

As soon as Francis left, Canadina burst into tears. She didn't want to marry the toad and lie in the mud!

But the fish in the water had heard what the toad had said, and so they nibbled at the stem of the lily pad. It broke free and began drifting down the river.

**C: Whew.**

**F: What was that whew for?**

Canadina was so relieved

**F: I am not understanding the cause of this relief!**

**E: Idiot.**

AHEM!

That she began to sing. An albino beetle cocked his head and listened. Then he swooped down, and was so struck by Canadina's loveliness that he grabbed her in his spindly arms and flew her high into a tree.

**P: I knew the awesome me would be showing up soon!**

Canadina was scared, but didn't struggle in fear that the beetle would drop her. To try and cheer the poor girl up, the beetle fed her honey, and told her how lovely she looked.

**P: The awesomeness that is me approves of this story.**

Why thank you, Prussia.

But, when the beetle's many lady friends came to call, they became jealous of Canadina, and convinced the beetle that she was ugly.

"She looks just like a human being! And she doesn't even have any antennae!" they trilled.

And soon even the beetle was convinced that little Canadina was hideous. He glanced back and forth between his gaggle of lady bugs (fear my puns!) and Canadina, who was looking quite small and forlorn.

"I'll be right back, awesome ladies," the beetle grinned, picking up Canadina.

He flew her down to the base of the tree and left her sitting on a daisy. And then he left, and Canadina was alone and lost. She didn't know how to get back to the old woman's house.

**P: Whoa, whoa whoa! Not awesome! The awesome me would never do that!**

...

And it was beginning to get cold. She had nowhere to go, so Canadina simply made a little hammock of leaves and drank dew and ate berries. But soon all the berries were gone. She shivered, wandering through an empty field, looking for any form of food or shelter.

Eventually she stumbled upon a tiny house owned by a field mouse by the name of Katya.

**U: O-oh, it's me? Thank you for letting me be in your story...**

"Oh, you poor thing!" the mouse exclaimed, nearly bursting into tears at the sight of the shivering girl before her. "Come inside and get warm!"

And so she did. And Canadina loved staying with Katya, because she was kind and sang along with the girl in a funny little trill. They took turns telling stories every evening. And that was how things went, until one evening when Katya's friend the mole came to visit.

**C: I wonder who that is...?**

"His first name is Ivan, so be sure to call him that. He's very rich, and he could provide for you, if only you can get him to marry you! So sing your sweetest for him!" Katya told Canadina.

**U: Vanya...?**

H-hey, Ukraine, don't start crying!

**R: Hmmm...**

**P: No way! You are so not awesome enough to marry Canada, so just go away!**

E-er anyway!

Canadina nodded, for she didn't have the heart to tell the mouse that she didn't want to marry the mole. Not to the mouse who had been so kind to her. Nor to say that staying underground forever would kill her surely.

But Katya had been so kind...! And so Canadina sang as well as she could, and told all of her best jokes. And the mole was so happy that he invited her over to his own house the next week.

**C: I... I wonder what will happen...**

**A: I'll definitely save the day, of course! I'm the hero!**

Um... In any case...

**A: What, you don't think I can? Just watch!**

Er... While they walked down the long underground passage to the mole's house, he tripped over something. Grumbling, he pushed open a skylight to see what exactly it was. On the ground was a swallow.

Ivan the mole sneered.

"What a horrid thing to be a bird," he said. "The fools chirp all summer, and then die in the winter."

Thus said, he kicked the swallow and continued on his way.

**R: So this bird is...**

**A: When am I going to show up?**

Canadina was horrified, and her eyes trailed back to the swallow as she walked, until it faded into the gloom of the tunnel. The mouse and the mole quickly forgot the swallow in the tunnel, but Canadina thought of it for the whole visit. And on the way back to Katya's home, she dipped down and pressed her blonde head to the swallow's chest.

And she heard a faint, fluttery heartbeat.

**C: So it's alive after all!**

Once the mouse was asleep, Canadina snuck out and down the tunnel carrying a little food and a blanket. The swallow briefly opened his eyes his very blue eyes, and smiled.

"Thanks," he croaked out hoarsely, nibbling on the crumbs Canadina brought him. "I feel stronger already. Soon I'll fly and go back to my heroic duties!"

**A: Ah, so I must be the bird!**

That's right.

"Oh, please don't fly off, you'll freeze!" Canadina exclaimed.

So he stayed, and all winter the young girl tended to him. And all winter, she longed for the sun and the feel of petals on her skin.

On the first day of spring, the mouse greeted her cheerily with some news.

"You lucky girl!" Katya exclaimed. "Ivan wants to marry you!"

**P: No way! Not awesome!**

**A: Yeah! Nobody wants to marry that guy!**

**R: Kolkolkolkol...**

But Canadina only burst into tears.

"I don't want to marry him!" she cried. "I don't love him!"

Katya nipped the girl lightly with her white teeth as a scolding.

"He can take care of you! Accept his proposal!"

Canadina began to panic as the days passed, and soon the wedding was only a week away!

**C: Oh no!**

But when she brought food to the blue-eyed swallow, he was stretching his wings.

"I can definitely fly now! You saved me back there; is there anything I can do to help you? I am a hero after all!" the bird crowed.

"Please take me with you!" Canadina cried.

And so she clung to the swallow's back as he soared away, far away to a small grove full of flowers in bloom.

**A: Haha! See? I saved the damsel in distress!**

**C: Thanks...**

**A: No problem!**

In the grove were many fairies. Canadina was at once struck by the prince, who had short black hair and large innocent eyes.

**K: It's me, right? Princes were invented in Korea after all!**

Despite this, his welcoming gesture was to grope her chest. As the other fairies assured her that this was normal behavior for him, she took it in stride. And eventually she came to enjoy the quirks of the strange prince, and they fell in love.

**C: That's good.**

One day, the prince flew Canadina up to a branch high in a tree. From there, Canadina could see everything. And she saw that the fairy glade was right next to the old woman's house, from where her journey so long ago had started.

When she pointed it out to the prince, he grinned.

"Her?" he asked. "She can see us fairies, you know! Not many people can. And she gives us food sometimes!"

And suddenly the old woman looked up to the trees, hearing them, and smiled. The two waved at her energetically.

It was then that Canadina knew that she would definitely live happily ever after.

**K: Happy endings were invented in-**

The End


	22. Three Little Pigs: Baltics, Pol centric

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. I do own the three little bacon strips, but not the Three Little Pigs; sorry. **

Guide

Li = Lithuania

Po = Poland

Es = Estonia

La = Latvia

B = Belarus

Three Little Pigs

Ok, guys, another non-romance story (I think...) but hey, ask for the Baltics and they shall be given.

Once upon a time, there were three little... Um... Baltics? And their weird Polish friend Feliks.

**Po: I, like, totally resent that. I'm not weird! I'm, like, fabulous!**

… Right... Er... Yes, three young men and their _fabulous _Polish friend Feliks.

They all went off to seek their fortunes in the wide world. The first little p- Er... Baltic, named Raivis, built a comfy home of bundled straw.

**Po: You know, Liet, I've, like, got this feeling that I've totally heard this story before...**

**Li: … Me too.**

The second Baltic, Toris, and his friend Feliks, built their house out of sticks, and painted it fluorescent pink. And the third little Baltic, Eduard, built his house out of laptops-I-mean-bricks. And he had a state of the art security system, because he was a computer nerd so he could do cool stuff like that.

**Es: … Is that a compliment or an insult...?**

Who knows?

In any case, unfortunately for the three little Baltics, there was a knife-wielding witch roaming the area. Well, it was her territory, after all.

**B: That's right... How dare they be closer to brother than me... How dare they...**

Eh... Heh... Well! MOVING ON!

Late one night, the witch Natalya found Raivis's puny house of straw.

"Little Baltic, little Baltic, let me come in..."

"N-no-no-t b-b-b-b-by the- the-" but poor Raivis had forgotten his line. "Just no!"

Natalya's eyes went creepy and zombie-like.

"Then I'll use my knife and CUT IT DOWN!" she screamed, and hacked madly at the little house of straw.

**Es: Lativiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!**

Luckily for Raivis, he had installed a back door, and ran screaming to Toris and Feliks' pink house, following the glowing beacon of its walls all the way there.

**La: T-th-this is too scary!**

Well, too bad, as the story goes onward.

Next, the wolf-er... Witch... Reached the fluorescent pink house of sticks.

"Baltics, Baltics, let me come in..." she whispered, sending chills up everyone's spines.

Except Toris, who had looked through the peephole and been enchanted by the witch's beauty.

**Po: Wow, that's like... Just like Liet! Falling for that creepy Belarus chick who keeps trying to kill him...**

**Li: H-huh? What are you talking about? She finally went on a date with me yesterday! Well... Sort of. Five minutes counts, right?**

**Po: … **

Well... Let's, um... Keep going. This story's rather short.

"Like, no way, sister!" Feliks snapped.

"Then I'll CHOP YOUR HOUSE INTO FIREWOOD!"

And once again, she used her trusty kitchen knife to devastate the small house. But then again, Feliks and Toris hadn't been completely stupid. They'd build a secret escape hatch with a tunnel to Eduard's house.

**Po: That's, like, so totally cool!**

**Es: … Why didn't I think of that...**

So Raivis ran, and Feliks dragged the dazed Toris down the , everyone was in Eduard's super-protected house. And then Natalya came knocking once again.

"Oh, Baltics, little Baltics, please let me in..."

But although Toris was fooled

**Li: Huh?**

The others were not.

"No way!" Eduard shouted from safe inside his safe brick house.

"Then I'll SMASH YOUR HOUSE INTO RUBBLE!"

And Natalya tried to do exactly that. But the house was too strong, and the door shot laser beams at her every time she got too close.

So Natalya left. But she would be back...

**La: Oh no...!**

The next night, Natalya executed her secret plan...

She climbed on the roof, and started to shimmy down the chimney.

Now even Eduard began to panic, because he hadn't thought to install security way up there!

**Es: We're doomed!**

**La: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!**

The only calm one was Feliks, who was calmly placing a giant pot on the fire, and slicing vegetables into it while whistling Broadway show-tunes.

**Po: I, like, love to cook to 'Wicked'!**

And then when Natalya dropped down into the fireplace, she was met with scalding hot water that sent her flying back out in a comical fashion.

**B: I'll get you! I'll get you all!**

And she never bothered them again, because she'd dropped her knife into the pot, and it had disintegrated, along with all of her scary magical powers and such.

Feliks was hailed as a hero, and the Baltics even let him paint the house pink.

**Po: Like, yay! Happy ending.**

**Li: …**

The End


	23. Boy Who Cried Wolf: ChibitaliaHRE

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Based mostly on the Muppet fairytale version (review if you know what I'm talking about!) of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Because I like that one better. And the shepherd doesn't get eaten... **

**ALSO! I UPDATED THIS STORY FINALLY! DID YOU MISS ME?**

Guide

I = Italy

G = Germany

Ro = Romano

Au = Austria

S = Spain

P = Prussia

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Once upon a time, there was a little girl that everyone thought was a boy.

** Au: That doesn't sound like the right start for this particular story...**

Yeah, no kidding.

Anyway, it was strange, since she was all tiny and cutesy and girlish. But they were a weird village, or something, I guess. I don't know. Point being, she was a shepherd. Anyway, this little girl had a bad habit of overreacting to the tiniest things; and she was, to be frank, a scaredy-cat.

**I: Oh no! Will she be ok?**

I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, but I wouldn't worry overly much if I was you.

**I: Oh... Ok. Ve~!**

In any case, like I said, the poor girl, Felicia, had a bad problem with overreacting. And one day while she was tending to her flock of sheep, she got a creepy feeling, and the hairs on the back of her neck rose. Yeah, Felicia could definitely tell that she was being watched... But by who?

Trying to be discreet, which was a strange thing for young Felicia to be, admittedly, she looked around the meadow. And then, she spotted a pair of eyes in the bushes. Remember, young Felicia has a tendency to overreact, and as soon as she saw those eyes, she was sprinting for town with half her flock behind her, screaming.

"WOLF! WOOOOOOOOOOLF!" she cried, and half the town rushed out of their homes and up to the panting young shepherd who was doubled over in the center of town square.

**Au: … Lovely.**

Oh, hush...

The first to address the situation, which was getting horribly out of control thanks to Felicia's screams that a wolf was going to kill them and the fretted, angry panic of a certain young man who went by the name of Lovino-

**Ro: I-I would not panic, dammit!**

** S: Ah, don't worry, Lovi~! You're still cute when you're scared!**

** Ro: Sh-shut up, bastard!**

As you can see, his companion, an air-headed Spaniard with a love of tomatoes and cute things was obviously not going to be helping matters.

**S: Ah! It's me!**

** Ro: Of course it's you, idiot!**

Well, anyway... Er... The mayor, a man by the name of Roderich Edelstein, who had risen to a position of mayor despite being the son of a formerly-poor woodcutter by the name of Vash (sound familiar?), immediately took control of the situation. He gathered the townsfolk and they went in an orderly search party to hunt down the wolf.

**Au: Well, a respectable role at last.**

Ah, been waiting a long time for this, huh, Austria?

In any case... Despite being swift and orderly, the group failed to find the wolf, or any evidence that there had even been one at all. But, after all, the wolf could have run off... Without eating any of the few sheep who had stayed behind, unguarded... You know... It... Was a possibility...

**G: … I am beginning to see the parallels of this story to my everyday life.**

** I: Ve~ really? Me too! **

** G: … I doubt it, Italy.**

** I: … Ve~?**

Heh... I'll let you have your moment, there...

The villagers all went home, some of them *cough*Lovino*cough* complaining a bit more than others...

**Ro: … Hmph...**

The next day, young Felicia was once again tending her sheep, when she felt that staring again. This time, when she looked all around, she didn't see anything, so she went back to washing her socks in a little bucket of warm water. But suddenly, she was hit in the back of the head with a spurt of water.

Now, unbeknownst to her, it was from one of her sheep who had tried drinking the soapy water, only to have to spit it back out in disgust.

**G: … Oh, why...**

Haha, poor Germany... Sound a little too familiar?

In any case, when she mentioned that she had felt water on her neck, along with the creepy feeling of being watched, the sheep started to shout-

**Au: You're kidding, right?**

It's a fable, ok? The sheep can talk!

A-anyway, the sheep started to shout about how the wolf must have broken the dam and started a flood.

This instance brought up Felicia's one other... Problem. Listening to her sheep. And so she was soon racing into the village, screaming about how the wolf was going to drown all of them with a flood.

**Ro: … That's stupid.**

** S: Oh, be nice, Lovi~!**

Since it was only the second time that young Felicia had 'cried wolf' as it were, the villagers inexplicably believed her.

**Au: What kind of idiot villagers would believe a bunch of drivel like that?**

Apparently, your kind of idiot villagers.

**Au: Why I-!**

Once again, a large and orderly search party was sent to search the meadow and the forests nearby for any sign of the wolf. Or a flood. Once again, nothing at all was found.

**I: B-but what about those eyes, and the creepy feeling?**

Don't worry, we'll get to it.

The villagers all went home again, and poor Felicia was left all alone.

The next day, Felicia was guarding her sheep when she heard a rustle in the bushes. She turned, and screamed when a wolf, a real wolf, popped out from between the trees. He was made even more terrifying by his red eyes and pale fur.

**P: Whoa! The awesome me is the wolf? …. Kesesesese...**

This, my friends, is what had become to Gilbert the awesome gingerbread man-

**P: Not an awesome story at all, by the way!**

** Au: … Only for you. I think everyone else quite enjoyed it.**

** P: Stuff it, you cheap noble!**

Gentlemen! Good grief...

In any case, Gilbert the wolf told little Felicia that he had been watching her and her sheep, and since she had the tendency to overreact, that she would be an easy target. Felicia just screamed and ran for the village.

It was still quite early in the morning when this happened, and no one, especially not Mayor Roderich and especially _especially_ not Lovino, was happy about being woken up at the crack of dawn.

"There is never a wolf!" the mayor shouted. "Go back to your sheep!"

And no matter how hard that poor Felicia tried to convince the villagers, they just would not believe her about the wolf!

**I: Oh no! What's going to happen?**

Little Felicia returned to the meadow that afternoon, disheartened. Her poor sheep would be eaten all gone! Who could ever save her?

Now, unbeknownst to little Felicia, there _was_ someone who could help. This person was the one who had been watching her so intently the past few days from the forest, for that had not been Gilbert.

This young man's name was Hans R. Eisenburg, but we'll call him Hans or HRE for short.

**I: H-Holy Roman Empire...?**

**G: …**

Yup- it's Holy Rome.

**I: I-I... Grazie... That makes me very happy.**

** G: …**

Y-you're welcome, Italy. Um... Anyway...

He, despite being quite young, was an avid fencer. And so, when little Felicia returned, and the wolf was preparing to eat the first of the sheep, out jumped Hans!

**P: … That pipsqueak? Pfft, I'm way more awesome! After all he grew up to be-**

AHEM!

**I: Ve~? What was Prussia going to say...?**

** G: …**

Haha I'm sure it was nothing, nothing at all! You know Prussia! Well, moving on!

With his amazing fencing skills, HRE was able to beat the wolf, and then a couple of the sheep sat on him to make sure if he woke up from his unconscious state that he would still be there. Then, after hearing all of the commotion, the villagers came out to the meadow to see what was going on, only to find a wolf out cold!

**Au: … Wonderful.**

And both young Felicia and HRE were given medals for defeating the wolf.

Then the two of them lived happily ever after!

**I: … Ve~ what a good story... Right Germany?**

** G: … Y-yes... It was good.**

… Awwww...

Well, I guess that, as they say, is-

**P: What about me?**

Well... You were the wolf... So you probably got shot.

**P: Shot? … SHOT? WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER SHOOT THE AWESOME ME-?**

The End


	24. Eleven Wild Swans: EngJpn

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to CloudsofGlory who wanted EnglandxJapan. Nothing is impossible, ma ****chéri****! And also to whoever asked for Eleven Wild Swans, because I think someone did…?**

Guide

J = Japan

E = England

B = Belarus

R = Russia

Eleven Wild Swans

Well, um… I'm… Not dead or anything. I just… Went for coffee! Yes, that's it!

**E: That was a bloody long coffee break!**

Shut up! T-there was a line!

Ahem, anyway… So, now let's start our next story, 'Eleven Wild Swans'.

Once upon a time, there was a king named Ivan. He had eleven sons (Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Korea, China… Um… I can't think of any more…) and a daughter named Kiku (it's a unisex name, apparently).

**J: I… Am the princess…?**

**E: … That means I'm NOT the princess! Huzzah!**

**J: …**

**R: Do not worry… I think you would make a lovely princess…**

**J: !**

Um… Russia, why don't you, er… move away from Japan… Hopefully before Belarus does something drastic…

In any case! Um… So, Blah, blah, blah, typical fairytale plot twist… King's first wife dies, and he married an evil sorcerer lady—consequently, the same evil hag who starred in Snow White.

**B: … Grrr…**

She… Um… Didn't like children very much, as was demonstrated by her previous fairytale appearance, and despised the king's kids. A lot. So, one day, she took the princes out into the courtyard, and cast a spell on them.

"Turn into black crows and fly away forever!" she cried.

But their good hearts blunted her magic, if only a little, and they were transformed into handsome white swans instead.

**E: Yes, because that's loads better!**

Hush… It's supposed to tell you that they're pure-hearted, you nonbeliever.

Anyway, they all flew away, silent. It didn't take long for King Ivan to notice that his rather plentiful sons were missing. Of course, our conniving, possessive queen immediately pinned it on Americans.*

**A: WHAT?**

W-wait just a darn minute! You're not even in this story!

**A: Americans are AWESOME! I, America, declare us the heroes! I demand that you apologize right now or we'll totally nuke you, dude!**

Hey! Stop! I didn't put you in the guide! Hey! You're going to wreck the story!

_THUD_

… I think… Er… We can continue now… Hopefully the image of Sarah Palin as president will keep him out for a while…**

Um… So… Americans. And then King Ivan immediately wrote a decree banning all Americans from the kingdom. When Princess Kiku took her bath, the queen put bleach in her bathtub, and soon the young princess's hair was blonde.

**J: Oh no…**

Upon seeing a blonde, American-looking woman wandering his halls, King Ivan chased her out, never once realizing it was his own precious daughter Kiku.

**E: What a bloody moron. Can't even tell it's his own kid with her hair bleached…**

We all have our flaws, England. King Ivan's were just a little more… Exploitable.

**R: …**

…

**B: Isn't this great, brother! We're married, and now we will be alone together… Forever… Foreveeeeeer…**

**R: Waaaaaaaaaah! Go hoooooooooooome!**

… Um… So… Continuing…

Poor Kiku had nowhere to go, and so she walked and walked until she reached the sea. Collapsing to her knees in the sand, the tired, lonely princess sobbed her little heart out…

**J: … How… Tragic…**

When suddenly! A flock of swans landed on the beach just as the moon began to rise, and immediately shed their feathers, revealing their true forms—her brothers! Upon seeing Princess Kiku, they crowded around her with shouts of joy, and even though the princess was usually very strict about her personal bubble, she let it go just this once and hugged them all back.

"Thank goodness, the evil witch didn't get you, aru!" one cried.

**J: Ah… It's China…**

Kiku smiled a little at her brother's antics.

"Let us go home now."

But all of the boys shook their heads, dark hair dancing back and forth.

"We can't, da ze!" another of her brothers cried (three guesses who…). "During the day, we turn into swans again, and hunters try to shoot us!"

"Yes… We leave across the sea every morning. We only come back at night to look for you!" a third brother added.

**E: Not to be rude, but am I going to show up any time soon? Because I'm beginning to wonder if I really am in fact in this story at all.**

Don't get your Union Jack in a twist, bucko. We're not even to the plot yet, so hush.

**E: …**

Promise I'll make it up to you when you finally show up, ok?

**E: … Fine…**

Thank you! Now, continuing…

"Take me with you, then!" Princess Kiku cried. "Don't leave me here alone!"

So she and the brothers spent all night fashioning a hammock from an old fishing net they spotted abandoned on the beach. Then, in the morning, the princes once again transformed into swans. They picked up the net in their beaks and began to fly.

**J: … What a lovely sight that would be.**

**B: … Hmph.**

However, the swan princes could only fly slowly while carrying their sister, and as the sun began to sink in the sky, they were still quite far indeed from land.

**B: Yes… Yes…**

Any second, they would transform back into boys, and all of them would go tumbling down into the ocean!

**B: YES! YES!**

BUT! Conveniently, they spotted a large rock jutting up out of the ocean, and, as one, they dove for it, landing atop the rock just as they transformed.

**B: NO!**

All night, the princes and princess clung to the soaked rock. They were splashed again and again by the waves, but though they were soaked through, at least the dye washed out of Kiku's beautiful black hair.

**J: … B-beautiful…? Is it really?**

**E: … C-course it is!**

(Awwwww!) Yup! Now then…

The next morning, the princes, once again swans, flew onward with their sister, towards their new homeland. They finally set Kiku down on the sand, and she walked to a cave nearby. There, she and her brothers made a home.

However… Each day, the princes went out in search of food, and some nights they would come home trembling.

"When I was flying, a noble almost shot me!"

And then poor Princess Kiku would quiver as well, imagining the arrow that almost struck her dear brother… At last, she could take the stress no more and set out into town to find someone to help.

Near an old cemetery, she met a wise old woman, who may or may not be the witch who took care of a young girl named Yue on her quest to save her best friend from the Snow Queen.

**R: B-big sis…?**

Yup! That aside, the old woman listened as Kiku spilled out her problems, and then gave the young princess an answer.

"There is a way to save your brothers," she explained kindly, "but you must be very brave!"

Kiku nodded silently, leaning forward to listen.

"Well," the witch explained, "you must pick these nettles," she gestured to the plants nearby "with your bare hands. Then with your bare feet, you have to pound the needles into flax, and spin eleven shirts from it. Once all eleven are done, and not a moment before, you have to give them to your brothers."

**E: W-what a horrible spell! How painful…**

**J: It is ok, England-san.**

Kiku knew that doing such a thing would hurt her hands and feet terribly, but she would even endure all of those stinging nettles to save her brothers. So she nodded, and turned to begin picking nettles.

"One more thing," the witch said softly, grabbing Kiku's pale hand in hers. "From the moment you pick the first nettle to the second you give your brothers the shirts, you are not allowed to speak a word… Otherwise they will all die."

**J: …!**

**E: What?**

**B: … Hmmmmmm…**

But even this did not stop the brave princess, and so she immediately began grabbing all the nettles she could carry, and rushed home to the cave to trample them and spin them into shirts. She ignored the cruel stinging of the nettles, so focused was she on what she had to do to save her brothers. Each day she worked and worked.

Then one day, when she was almost finished with her task, the Duke, whose name happened to be Arthur if anyone cares-

**E: Finally!**

AHEM! The Duke caught sight of Princess Kiku's fair face while she was gathering nettles. At once, he was entranced.

"Who are you?" he asked, taking her bundle, and then immediately dropping it as the nettles stung his hands.

Kiku looked up to meet his lovely green eyes, and immediately longed to tell him everything. But she could not! She had to finish her brothers' shirts! She had to save them! And so she looked away and continued gathering nettles.

The Duke, who happened to have a rather short temper, was confused and angered by the dismissal. He begged her to speak to him, telling her that he would find a doctor to heal her poor hands, if she would only come back to the palace with him. But Kiku said nothing.

The Duke walked with her as far as the cave, pleading, but at last, his willful nature shone through, and he grabbed the lovely young woman and took her with him anyway. Luckily for Princess Kiku, she was able to grab the ten shirts she had finished, and the one half-done, before she was taken away.

**J: Oh no! What will happen now…?**

When Duke Arthur left to get a doctor, Kiku opened a window, and escaped. However, the duke and the doctor saw this, and were able to follow her. The doctor gasped as Kiku began to gather nettles.

"She is an evil witch!" he hissed to Duke Arthur. "She is gathering them for her spells!"

The duke bit his lip. He himself was not unfamiliar in the ways of magic, and it certainly did seem that she had some magical purpose in mind with those nettles, but she was so fair and beautiful, that he swore to himself she could never be evil.

**E: At last, some redemption for this useless character…**

Yes, well, the original fairytale doesn't exactly give me much to go on ok? The Duke is an absolute moron in that one…

Anyways…

The doctor called the city's soldiers before Duke Arthur could stop him, and the poor noble knew that he could do nothing to help poor Kiku; the citizens of the town were wary of witches and magic in general, and would never believe that the young woman would be using the magical arts for good.

"Please!" he begged of Kiku, "Explain why you were picking nettles! Please! If you cannot, then you will be burned at the stake tomorrow morning!"

**E: No!**

**B: Yes!**

But still, Princess Kiku refused to speak. She could not! Not when she was so close to saving her brothers! And so, the princess spent all night in prison weaving the last of the eleven shirts. She finished the next morning, as she was being led to the stake.

And then, just as the flame was being lit, the crowd looked up, gasping as eleven wild swans (see what I did there?) swooped down over them, and landed in a circle around Princess Kiku. She tossed the shirts over their heads one by one, and they transformed back into boys.

**B: NO!**

Oh yes indeed!

They untied Princess Kiku, and she explained her whole story to Duke Arthur in a quiet rush. He embraced her, relieved. Then the two of them began a romantic but proper courtship, had a wedding attended by fairies, and lived happily ever after to the end of their days!

**E: Well… I must admit it was a pretty good story… B-but not worth all that wait at all! Stupid American…**

**A: DON'T INSULT AMERICA!**

**E: You're not even in this story, you twit!**

**J: … Hm…**

**B: I will get you…**

Why are you so mad? You were married to Russia!

**B: … Ah… Brother…! Married… M-married!**

**R: Noooooo! It's just a story! Go hooooome!**

Well, then… I'll let them sort it out. Switzerland can referee, or something. In any case, I do believe that brings us to-

The End

*****In the original story, the queen blames it on gypsies and puts dark dye in the princess's bathwater. Um… That wouldn't really work, considering the dark hair that Japan already has, so I improvised. Also, everyone seems to hate America for some reason (the country, not the Hetalia character).

**This image tends to work on a lot of people. But in all seriousness, please do not be offended, if you like Sarah Palin, or anything… Cuz this is all in good fun, and I do not mean to besmirch her Alaskan name. Or anything. So.


	25. Wiser Than the Czar: RoChu

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. To animeFTW231, who wanted some RoChu (I hear it's popular in the Japanese fandom?) Also, vote in my poll!**

Guide

Ch = China

R = Russia

E = England

Wiser Than the Czar

So… It can be spelled tsar or czar, so I've heard… But I'm using czar, so there! In any case, next up is a lovely little fairytale set in Russia.

**R: Hmm… This will be good, perhaps.**

**E: Bloody better be, after the long wait last time!**

**Ch: You are not over that yet, aru?**

**E: …**

Well then! Um… Our story begins in Russia, if you haven't guessed yet. Every day, the czar's coach trundled past a rundown little farmhouse. Normally the rich and affluent Czar Ivan (though not any of the three or so who actually were in actual Russian history) took no notice of the place, but on the particular day of the beginning of our story, a man with rather plentifully proportioned eyebrows-

**E: … Bloody American author…**

**Ch: … Heh.**

Ahem! Was standing at the gate drinking tea. The czar was slightly curious, and so he called the coach to a stop, and stepped out to speak with the man. The farmer bowed deeply, and began to speak.

"Oh, your most gracious royal highness! You do me and my farm the greatest honor in stopping your coach here, and setting foot on my humble land," he said.

**E: … You're kidding.**

Not really.

**E: I hate you…**

Well, yes, but who else could be China's dad? Your fault for claiming China back in the whenever-that-was century. In any case…

This speech intrigued the czar, and he grinned slightly.

"My, you do not speak much like a peasant. Who taught you your good manners?"

"Well, my daughter says that words are the most priceless things we have, and that I must use them well."

Czar Ivan tilted his head, pondering this for a second and closing his violet eyes.

"That is a wise daughter you have," he said at last.

**R: … Hmmm…**

The farmer's green eyes lit up.

"Oh, yes, sire! Why, she's surely the wisest person in all of Russia!" he bragged joyously.

"Wiser than your czar?" Ivan asked with a slight sneer.

The angry vibes coming off of him were so strong that the farmer stumbled back a step or two.

**R: … Kol… Kol… Kol…**

**E: I-it's just a bloody story! H-honestly!**

**Ch: …**

U-um… Russia? You uh… W-want to hear the rest of the story, right?

**R: … Hm? Oh… Da, that would be nice.**

**E: …**

**Ch: …**

Er… O-ok, then… Um…

S-so, the czar, with a tiny, angry smile on his face, returned to his coach, and it sped away. Later that day, the czar visited again, but this time only to drop a basket in the puzzled farmer's arms.

"Peasant, give these three dozen eggs to your wise daughter, and tell her that she must have them hatched by tomorrow," Czar Ivan ordered, his tiny dangerous smile still in place.

Confused, the farmer took the red eggs to his daughter as the czar sped away.

"Oh no!" she cried, lips pursed. "These are hard-boiled eggs, aru! I can't hatch these!"

But after a few minutes of pondering, the young farm girl got an idea and hurried off.

**Ch: I wonder what kind of idea…? Aru…**

The next day, the czar stopped his coach at the rundown little farm and looked out. He saw a beautiful young lady with long, shiny black hair, with a large basket on her back. Every so often, she would reach back into the basket and pull out a handful of rice, tossing it into the field.

**E: H-huh? Rice?**

You'll see.

As she tossed the rice she sang.

"Steamed rice, steamed rice, Steamed rice I sow, but will steamed rice grow?"

And of course Czar Ivan snorted to himself at the ridiculousness of this strange farm girl.

"What sort of harvest do you expect, sowing steamed rice?" he called out to her.

"The same the good czar expected when he asked me to hatch hard-boiled eggs," the girl replied sagely, grinning.

The czar blinked, and a tiny smile formed on his face, though his violet eyes turned ice cold. That same aura of intimidation began to roll off of him as had the day before.

**Ch: Oh no, aru…**

Unlike her father, however, the farm girl just stared at Czar Ivan with a strong-willed gaze. At last he turned and got back into his coach. It sped away, and the farm girl nodded, satisfied with herself.

**E: Brilliant! Well, that was a good fairytale, but I do believe it is time for tea, don't you?**

Er… It's not over, England.

**E: … I-it's not…?**

Moving on!

The day after that, a messenger came from the czar's palace carrying a note that was addressed to the farm girl. Attached to it was a small stalk of bamboo.

The note read:

_On my travels around the world, I have become rather fond of the animal called a 'panda'. I am told that they eat bamboo. Therefore, use this one stalk of bamboo to catch every panda in the world by tomorrow. If you are unable to do this, there are still two open seats on the train to Siberia._

**R: … Heh.**

**Ch: Great, now what do I do, aru?**

Funny you should say that, China.

It was, in fact those same words that crossed the old farmer's mind. But the brave, ebony-haired farm girl just smiled and pocketed the bamboo. Scribbling a note and tearing a small branch from the tree outside, she handed both to the czar's messenger.

Her note went:

_I am sure you are aware how very poor my dear father is. Therefore, we have not the money to buy cages for all of these animals. If the good Czar Ivan will most graciously use this twig to build a cage that can hold all of the pandas in the world, then I will be most happy to use this one stalk of bamboo to catch all the pandas of the world._

When Czar Ivan received this letter, he laughed aloud. The palace servants were quite startled, as it was not often that the czar partook in laughter.

**R: … Hm…?**

Ah… Hahaha… I-it's just a story, y-you know!

**R: … Oh. Continue.**

Um… S-sure thing…

He immediately called for his messenger once again.

"Take my goblet to the ramshackle farmhouse from before," he ordered, a cold, innocent smile on his face. "Tell the girl there that if she can empty the sea with this wine glass by morning, I'll marry her."

When she received the message, the farm girl laughed loudly, shaking her head and swishing her long black hair everywhere. Then she grabbed the stool from under the kitchen table and took the messenger's horse.

This, as it turns out, left the poor young man very put out. Put out enough to move away and start an adventure all his own, but we'll get to that in a few chapters.

**E: Huh? But you didn't even say who it was!**

We'll, you'll just have to wait and find out, won't you? Now then!

When she entered the czar's throne room, the young woman curtsied deeply, then sat down on the stool and retied her hair into a ponytail as she spoke.

"My dear Czar Ivan... All Russia loves you, and I love you more than all Russia. Nothing would please me more than to do exactly as you asked of me, aru… However, I have a slight problem…"

The czar smiled smugly, studying the farm girl with his purple gaze.

"So you are not so clever at all, really, are you?" he asked.

The girl sighed, running a hand through her long hair.

**Ch: Is there… A particular reason you seem to be mentioning my hair so much, aru?**

I'm just… Er… Emphasizing it's… Loveliness?

**Ch: … Aiyaa… Just get on with it, aru…**

"No," she shrugged. "Not clever at all. I would find it quite simple to use your goblet to empty the sea itself, aru… But once I do that, all the rivers will fill it back up again. Please, if you could dam up all the rivers in the world with my stool here, I would gladly empty the sea for you."

And at the strong, mischievous look in her eyes, the czar was overcome with laughter. At last, he collected himself, giving the farm girl a warm look.

"Your father was quite right," he mused. "You are wiser than me. However, I am still quite wise, and I know a good wife when I see one."

And to prove his point, Czar Ivan married the farm girl that very day.

**E: … So that's it? That's bloody it?**

No, it most certainly is not! Now shush, there's still a little ways to go!

However, she had one stipulation for him, and though the icy intimidation returned to his eyes briefly, the young woman insisted.

"You must promise that if you ever get tired of me and send me away, aru… I must be allowed to take the one thing I want most from the palace."

He agreed to this small promise, and they were wed; the poor farm girl became czarina of all Russia.

However… Czar Ivan had a nasty habit of drinking. This was all well and good in his younger years, when he was more stout. Sad as it is to say, as he got older, Czar Ivan's alcohol tolerance began to drop. His drunken rampages were well-known around the palace, and even the czarina was threatened on more than one occasion.

**R: …**

**Ch: W-what? Aru! I don't like this!**

**R: I have already expressed my unhappiness at being portrayed as villain, yes?**

Y-yes, quite vividly, if recall… B-but I promise, i-it's not like that!

**R: … Kolkolkol…**

Um… Um… S-so! Continuing!

One day, the czar began to shout at his wife. He demanded that she leave at once. With an air of confidence that she did not feel, the czarina slipped the empty bottle of vodka from her husband's fingers.

"Aru… It's empty," she said. "How about I get some more, and we can have one last glass together."

He agreed, moodily, and two glasses were poured for them. When Czar Ivan wasn't looking, his wife poured a sleeping potion in his goblet. A minute later, the blonde monarch was sprawled across his throne, snoring softly. The czarina called for a large trunk, and locked her husband inside. Then she ordered the servants to load it into a cart.

When the czar finally awoke, it was at the old rundown farmhouse where he had first met his wife. She was in her old, patched farm clothes, sewing away. The czar went into a rage.

"How dare you kidnap me!" he growled.

But the czarina just smiled, shaking her head.

"You promised me on our wedding day, aru… That I could have the one thing I wanted most from the palace if you ever sent me away… I wanted you."

And then Czar Ivan truly realized how lucky he was to have found such a wise and wonderful life.

**R: … Hm… I like this story.**

**Ch: Y-yeah, it was pretty good, aru.**

**E: At least it's finally over after about twenty bloody false endings… I mean really-**

The End


	26. Princess Who Met the North Wind: PruAus

**A/N: I STILL don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Maesa Wish (who requested this twice… Ohmigosh sooooooooooo sorry for the wait!), and um… I thought there was maybe someone else, so this is for all you AustriaxPrussia fanpeoples out there!**

Guide

P = Prussia

G = Germany

I = Italy

Au = Austria

The Princess Who Met the North Wind

Next up, another lovely tale with a moral! Here we go!

Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a land near the mountains, where in winter the frozen rivers shimmered as bright as the silver chain the princess always wore around her neck. The princess had a loving father named Feliciano-

**I: Ve~! It's me, it's me! I haven't been in a story for a loooooong time!**

** G: … Wait, if Italy is the father…**

And a stern but also loving mother named Ludia.

**G: … Verdammt.**

It had to happen sometime, I'm afraid. Moving on!

But the king and queen doted on their daughter far too much because they loved her so, and there came a time when the spoiled young princess had far too much of everything.

**Au: You still haven't told us the princess's name, you know.**

** P: Kesesesese~! Isn't it obvious, you snooty noble?**

** Au: …**

Erm… So…

The princess… Her name was Rhoda-

**Au: … Why do you do this?**

… The reviews command me to.

**Au: Just get this over with.**

Um, so…

"Not another violin!" Princess Rhoda cried as she unwrapped her presents. "I have three already! And you can just take these cello strings away! I have so many I could weave a blanket out of them!"

King Feliciano looked distraught.

"But what can we get you, ve~? I searched the entire globe to try and find something new for you!" he cried, wringing his small hands.

Queen Ludia placed a hand on her husband's shoulder with a concerned look.

**G: … You're really enjoying this, aren't you.**

**I: Ve~ I think it's nice to get to be the king this time!**

**G: … F-fine…**

**I: Ve~… Hooray!**

"I told you, father!" Rhoda snapped. "I want the most beautiful instruments in the world, and I'm just going to forget about birthdays until you get them for me!"

So she stormed off, and didn't even look at her cake, which had been made in the shape of a grand piano. The cello strings were given to the castle's youngest maid, who was quite fond of string instruments.

**P: Hah! That's just like you, Roddy! Making such a scene at your own party!**

**Au: Shut up!**

And then, that night as Rhoda was sleeping, the North Wind began to call. He leapt playfully around outside the palace, and blew away all of the clouds. The stars were revealed, and they shone so bright that the princess awoke, thinking it was daytime.

"Come to the window," called the North Wind "And I shall give you the most beautiful instrument in the world!"

Rhoda ran to the window and looked up in the sky at the twinkling stars, glittering like bells.

"Oh, how lovely…" she gasped. "Now if only I could reach them!"

"Grab your warm cloak and your shoes and follow me, Princess," the North Wind called, his white hair swaying and red eyes gleaming with mischief.

**P: …. I'm… the North Wind…?**

**Au: Hah!**

**P: … Kesesesese! This is the best role for the awesome me yet!**

**Au: …**

**P: Heh.**

However, the princess had her eyes locked on the glittering stars in the sky, and took no notice of the North Wind's suspicious expression. She followed him up the side of the tallest mountain in the kingdom.

Princess Rhoda was not happy on the mountain, however. The snow had begun to get in her shoes, and melted against her feet, making them both cold and wet. Her fingers were numb from clinging to frozen rock. And through it all, the incessant North Wind kept blowing, pushing her warm cloak out from her shoulders and chilling the poor princess to the bone.

**Au: Agh, that's just like you, you troublesome meddler!**

**P: You're just mad because you're the spoiled noble again! Kesesese~!**

**G: Bruder, be nice.**

**P: You take the fun out of everything, West! Right, Ita-chan?**

**I: Ve~… Huh?**

Guys… We gotta keep going, you know? The story's not over yet.

**P: Continue, with my awesome story!**

Oh brother…

But the higher the princess climbed, the further away the stars seemed to be.

"Oh, they are so lovely," Princess Rhoda gasped, tired from all her climbing, "but there must be an easier way to get them!"

The North Wind got a new idea and grinned.

"Of course, princess, of course! Why, just look down!"

And then Princess Rhoda was surprised to see that not only were the stars above her, but they were below her as well! So she began to slide down the mountain, cutting her hands and ripping her cloak on the way.

**I: Oh no! Is she ok?**

Yes, she'll be fine, Italy.

She, of course, had no idea that the North Wind had frozen the lake below the mountain over, so that the stars up in the heavens were reflected below on its surface.

Rhoda finally reached the surface of the lake, and reached out to grab the nearest star. When she did, she let out a cry of bitter disappointment. And as the North Wind laughed cruelly, Princess Rhoda sat on the edge of the frozen lake and cried.

"I'm certainly being punished for my selfishness," she sniffed to herself. "For here I am, miles from home, cold and hungry…"

As the princess thought of her loving parents, of the lovely gifts they'd given her, of the birthday tea she had rejected, three tears slid down her cheeks and landed onto her silver necklace chain, where they froze.

And then, the North Wind stopped howling. He had seen the princess crying, and he, quite honestly, felt bad.

**P: What?**

He may have been a trickster, but even he didn't take joy in making a lady cry. He drifted down from the sky and walked up to the princess. Gently, he took her hand, biting his pale lip.

"Please don't cry, princess," he told her. "I have taught you not to be selfish… But now I have also given you the most lovely instruments in the world."

And then he pointed to the tears frozen onto Princess Rhoda's necklace, which she could now see formed glittering crystal bells that shown all colors in the starlight. Then, with a crooked but sweet smile, the North Wind led Princess Rhoda back to the palace, where there was much rejoicing and happiness.

**I: Ve~! What a nice ending, right Germany?**

**G: Um… Yeah…**

**Au: Maybe as a story, but… Me? With that guy! Hah!**

**P: Hey! Trust me, the awesome me would have just kept right on laughing at your sorry plight!**

**I: Ve~ but Prussia… That would be mean… I thought you were friends with Mr. Austria…**

**P: W-well, I… Er…**

**Au: H-ah! Yeah right!**

**P: T-the awesome me doesn't know what you're talking about, Ita-chan! That's just silly-**

The End

**There have been lots of requests for PrussiaxHungary… I think I might do that next, so hold on! I salute you, awesome reviewers, and also awesome readers! …. Kesesese… And yes, I had to do that, it was called for.**


	27. Puss in Boots: PruHun

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Narcisse minuet (who requested a Belgium appearance like a bajillion years ago (oops!)), my anonymous 'Lurking Hetalian' and also CloudsofGlory who gave me the idea for Puss in Boots. Also to cutekittenlady, Snowy Cherry-san, and Berry Doyle who asked for some PruHun love!**

**Oh, wow this is getting long… However! I think all of you (and me too!) need to give a big thanks to Mrs. Brokenheart and all of my Spanish-speaking readers (she's making a Spanish translation of this story), because I read all the reviews (with a little not-help from the auto Google-translate on my computer) and I was spurred to action by the tons and tons of PruHun fans there, as this chapter has been in the works for like… A long time.**

**I think that's it. READ ON!**

Guide

P = Prussia

H = Hungary

T = Turkey

Sp = Spain

Bel = Belgium

Puss in Boots

You know, Prussia, I just realized you've never been genderbent or anything either. Funny, huh?

**P: … The awesome me does not like the sound of this.**

Oh, come now, be a sport. I just thought I might spice up this next fairytale, is all. It's not like you'll be the only one…

**Bel: What?**

**Sp: …?**

**T: Oh it'd better not be me!**

**H: … Pfft… Prussia's a girl now!**

**P: … The awesome me would make a way sexier woman than you anyway…**

**H: …**

Um… H-Hungary… You can put down that frying pan… Um… Please…

**H: … Next chance I get… Going down… Stupid albino…**

Hahaha-well let's get started shall we?

Once upon a time, there were three young men, the sons of a miller. Now, when their father passed away, the eldest son was given the mill. His younger brother, second in line, inherited the house. But they're boring, so we'll leave them out of this story.

What we want to talk about is the fortune of the miller's third and final son, a brunette by the name of Eli Hedervary.

**P: … Pfft… Kesesesese! You're a **_**man**_**, Hungary!**

**H: I… Will… Kill… You…**

No matter who that's aimed at, it's not appropriate for this story! Please don't make me call in Switzerland!

Um… Where… Was I, exactly…? Oh! Third son, right!

Now, poor Eli (or so it seems now) only inherited… The cat. No. You heard that right. The family cat.

The very _female_, very _albino_ cat.

**P: … A… Cat…? The awesome me at least deserves to be a human! This is an outrage!**

W-well… I thought it fit… You haven't heard this one before, huh? But it gets better, you know!

In any case, poor Eli was downtrodden.

"What can you possibly do for me?" he asked the cat, dejected. "I suppose if I starve I could eat you, but it's not like you're that big anyway…"

"Hey!" the cat hissed, shying away. "Don't do that!"

Eli was more than slightly perturbed that his cat, and now only real possession in the world, was speaking to him. However, I must caution readers that, since this is a fairytale, talking cats are perfectly fair game.

**H: Suuuure they are… However, couldn't you make just one exception in this case?**

**P: Kesesesesese~! You'd miss my awesome wit if I stopped talking!**

**H: … Highly unlikely.**

Ah, young love!

**H: W-wha-?**

In any case, the story must go on!

"If you'll only just get me a burlap sack and a pair of boots, you'll see just how awesome I can be!" the feline insisted, grinning a wide smile as her crimson eyes lit up.

Now, Eli did indeed have his doubts… But there seemed to be nothing left to lose, really. And he had seen the cat catch rats in their house in the most clever of ways. So he spent the little money he had on a sack and a pair of boots. Puss insisted on picking out the boots personally, and picked one of the more expensive pairs (luckily for the poor starving shoemaker, who will actually be making an appearance some other time—keep him in mind!).

Almost as soon as Puss had her new boots on, she raced off. After a while, Eli shrugged despondently and sat along the road. He didn't believe Puss would return. She was a mischievous and tricky cat, after all…

**P: Just you wait… The awesome me will totally save the day, so don't even worry!**

And, Prussia is indeed correct. The clever cat plucked a head of lettuce from a nearby field and set it into the sack. Then she played dead, lying in wait. Soon, along came a pair of young rabbits, falling right into her trap. They entered the bag, and Puss pulled it shut!

Now, you'd think that the wily feline would take these prizes to her new owner, wouldn't you?

**H: You mean she didn't? … Of course! That's just like Prussia! Hmph!**

**P: H-hey! The awesome me isn't that uncool…**

However… Miss Puss was not a regular cat, and she had a most spectacular plan in mind. In her glossy new boots, she raced to the palace and presented King (Or perhaps I should say… Sultan…?) Antonio with the rabbits.

**Sp: Ah! I'm the king!**

Yes, yes you are! With a lovely wife, and now a daughter!

**Sp: … Wife…?**

Someone needs to go look at chapter seven again~!

**Sp: OH!**

Heh. Now then…

"A present, your highness, from my master, the Marquis of Carabas!" Puss proclaimed grandly, bowing.

And the king was quite pleased with this. He had never heard of the Marquis of Carabas before, but certainly he was a grand man!

**Sp: Yes, of course! Hmm… If I am so forgetful, perhaps I should make a list of nobles so I can remember them all…**

**Bel: Um… Spain… The cat was lying. Her master is the miller's son, remember?**

**Sp: …? Oh!**

**Bel: …**

"Send your master my regards!" the king said as Puss departed.

And so this same thing was done many times, while the kind and clever cat also caught enough for she and Eli to eat as well.

**H: Oh… I… I guess I judged the cat too harshly…**

At last, one day when Puss knew that the king's carriage would be approaching, she insisted that Eli go bathe in the river.

"You stink horribly!" she told him snidely. "It's incredibly un-awesome!"

And so, with a huff of anger, the miller's son stripped of his clothes and went into the river to bathe. Then, cunning Puss stole his clothes and hid them away. Next, she raced to the king's carriage and called to him loudly.

"Help! Help! My master, the Marquis of Carabas is drowning in the river as we speak! Help!"

And seeing that his was the same courteous cat who had brought him game sent by this mysterious Marquis, Antonio ordered the escorts of his carriage to save the drowning nobleman. As they fished poor Eli from the water, Puss went on explaining.

"While my poor master was washing, thieves came and stole his fine clothes and tried to drown him!"

Antonio found this most unfortunate, and therefore had Eli be dressed in his own fine clothes. The rich fabrics suited Eli quite well, and he looked handsome in them. This, of course, was Puss's plan all along, as there in the coach sat Bella, King (Sultan!) Antonio's lovely daughter, and the most beautiful woman in the land.

**Bel: M-most beautiful…?**

**Sp: Well, I guess you're my daughter then! Hm… That would be a nice family. Just me, Lovi, and Bella!**

And as Eli sat in the king's carriage with this lovely woman and her father, Puss ran ahead to continue her plan. As she ran, she came across a field of farmers planting wheat, and her red eyes glittered mischievously.

"My master is the awesome and terrifying Marquis of Carabas," she informed them shortly. "And if you do not tell all who pass that these fields belong to him, he will surely kill you!"

And when the king's carriage passed the fields, he stopped to speak with the planters.

"Who owns these fields?" he questioned.

Still terrified of Puss's warning, they told him:

"The Marquis of Carabas owns these fields!"

And the same happened in every field they passed, for Puss was eager to spread the warning to all farmers in the area. Then, at last, she reached the doors of a giant castle.

**P: Kesesesese~! I do like this awesome story! The awesome me is pretty clever!**

**H: Don't get a swelled head!**

Now, all would have been well if the castle was uninhabited. However… It belonged to a ferocious ogre, and all of the surrounding farmland was his as well. Actually, you might all recognize this ogre—really a quite angry fairy, who somehow miraculously survived the fatal attack by one valiant Prince Kiku not too long ago.

**T: H-hey! Do ya mean to say I'm the bad guy AGAIN?**

Well… Yes.

**T: That's not fair at all!**

Well, I can't make England and Russia the bad guys _every_ time…

No matter!

**T: What? Yes there is a matter-!**

On with the story!

Sadiq the fairy (formerly Sadiq the sorcerer) set up residence in this castle, and in his anger (and to scare all the farmers!) he took the form of a huge ogre!

But Puss just flicked her tail and knocked upon the large wooden door. When Sadiq answered, the feline bowed low and spoke silvery words to him.

"I was passing through your vast lands, and I feel I must come visit you and pay my respects to one who is so very prominent as yourself!"

And so the ogre-fairy invited her in to eat at his large table with him.

"I have heard a great many stories that you have the power to change shape into the most large and powerful of animals!" Puss told the ogre. "But surely this can't be true?"

And this disbelief peeved the ogre-fairy.

"Why, of course I can! And I shall prove it to you now by changing into a lion and hunting you down!"

And so he did transform into an enormous lion, with a long mane, and chased the poor little white cat around and around his castle. However, she was slight and quick and could not catch him.

**P: … Whew…!**

"I… H-have also heard tell that you can… Even change into the smallest of creatures…" Puss said at last from a corner, breathing heavily. "But surely such a thing couldn't be true…?"

"I can indeed do such a thing!" the ogre shouted angrily, transforming himself into a mouse.

**T: … Oh, no, here it comes…**

And Puss pounced on him at once and gobbled him up.

**T: Yup. I told ya.**

I am terribly sorry, Turkey…

**T: … No, no you're not.**

I am too…

**T: …**

I-I'll just get on with the story, then, shall I?

In any case, upon reaching the castle, Antonio and company found Puss leaning at the drawbridge.

"Welcome!" she called grandly, waving a paw. "Welcome to the home of my master, the Marquis of Carabas!"

And King (Sultan) Antonio was so amazed by the wealth and splendor of the kind young man he had been speaking to in his carriage all day that he at once asked if perhaps Eli would not become his son-in-law!

Puss was smirking quite proudly at this arrangement, if only on the outside, but Eli fell quite silent indeed.

"You're highness," Eli said at last, "though I love you and your daughter dearly, I cannot marry Princess Bella. Puss has been true to me, and I love her very much."

**Bel: … What?**

**H: Um… I'm not sure I understand where this is going…**

And then Eli picked up Puss and planted a kiss on her furry head. Suddenly, in a flash of light, Eli held in his arms not a mischievous and clever cat, but a lovely and fierce woman with short white hair and brilliant red eyes.

Then Eli and Puss, whose real name was Gillian, lived happily ever after in their new castle!

**Sp: … I'm not sure that is how it is supposed to go…**

**P: Hah, who cares? This story is awesome, pure and simple! Kesesesesesese~!**

**H: … I think you really took this one a little far… I mean, the miller's son… and the cat?**

**Bel: I feel a little… Left out.**

**T: At least you didn't get killed AGAIN FOR THE THIRD TIME!**

Hahahahaha…. Ah… Er… Well, it won't happen again. Probably.

**T: WHY YOU-**

The End


	28. The Tinderbox: LietBela

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to Maya-chan2007, who wanted some **_**real**_** LietBela.**

Guide

Li = Lithuania

Po = Poland

B = Belarus

U = Ukraine

C = Canada

The Tinderbox

Hahaha! I didn't die! … And none of the characters in this particular story hate me enough to say 'that's too bad'! Next up is a story called The Tinderbox!

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Toris, who used to be a guard/messenger for Czar Ivan!

**Li: O-oh, that was me?**

It most certainly was! And, as you should all know if you read that story, he got quite fed up with the ridiculous errands he was sent to run, so he left. Of course, it took him a while to get much of anywhere, since Yue the farm girl stole his horse…

In any case, the young boy (for he was not much older than eleven at the beginning of this story) wound up serving King Arthur and Queen Allison for a few years, and later their son Matthew and his lovely wife Katyusha, kind rulers known for their poor memories.

**C: Oh, this must be a continuation of the Rumplestiltskin story…**

** U: I-I get to be a queen again…?**

Indeed you do. Now, I was wondering… Was anyone curious as to who exactly King Matthew and Queen Katyusha's child was?

**U: Oh my, I guess I didn't think about it…**

** Li: Yeah, now that you mention that…**

Well, it turns out they had a lovely young daughter who they named Natalia.

**B: … Where's brother…?**

He's ah… N-not in this story… Which, as I may point out to my wonderful readers, helps me keep people in character! If she never met Ivan, she couldn't fall madly and irrevocably in love with him, could she? ( shining stroke of brilliance)

In any case… Toris never got to see lovely Natalia grow into a beautiful young woman, because he was sent out to war, much to the king and queen's sorrow that such a thing had to be done.

**U: Oh, be careful!**

** Li: … I… I think I'll be ok…**

He will, especially considering that the war is not important to our story at all! What is important is that while Toris was off fighting a war, the king and queen were visited by a fortune teller who told them of their daughter's future.

**C: A fortune teller…? Why?**

Because people in fairytales are very superstitious! The fortune teller had blonde hair, a great sense of fashion, and was also a witch. She wasn't ugly or old, like most witches in fairytales, but she did have a witch hat, so they just assumed…

**Po: Ok, that, like, had better have been a totally cute witch hat, lady!**

It was, it was, I promise!

Her prediction went something like this…

"So… Your daughter will, like, marry a soldier guy or something. WoooOOOOoooooOOOOoo!"

And despite the fortune teller witch lady's clear suspiciousness-

**Po: Hey! I, like, resent that!**

The king and queen were still worried, as was their nature. How could they ever trust the heart of their darling baby girl to some callous brute of a soldier? So they kept their beautiful Natalia far, far away from men and soldiers, and forbid any man to see her.

** Po: That's, like, a little harsh. Girls just wanna have fun and stuff, you know? Like, totally…**

… Ahem. Er… Well, then.

In any case, some time after this announcement, our young hero Toris was on his way back from the war (which they had won, although it doesn't really matter). And, as he was walking, he met a witch. The very same, in fact, who also part-timed as a fortune teller.

"Hey, you, like, wanna get rich?"

Now, Toris had no money to his name, since he had been gone so long fighting, and he was eager to get his hands on the wealth that the witch promised.

"What do I have to do to get rich?" he asked.

But instead of giving a direct answer, the witch launched into a tragic (…?) tale.

"Well…" she started mournfully. "So, there's this big scary German guy, and he was, like, mad at me for some reason. So he, like sicced his big, scary German dogs on me! And they, like chased me all the way to my, like, totally super-secret hideout, in this tree!"

The witch knocked on the tree, to show it was hollow.

**Po: Wow! I've, like, totally got to get one of those!**

**Li: Um… Sure.**

**Po: Then I could use it to, like, jump out and scare you! It'd be totally funny, Liet!**

**Li: …**

Um…

"And then, he like, found out about my treasure down there, and, like, stationed his dogs all around it! See, I have these, like, three chests with copper, silver, and gold coins in them, and stuff! Now those dogs are, like, sitting right on top of them! Like, anyway, I'm, like, too fabulous to go down there with those big, scary dogs! But if you go and, like bring up the treasure, you can keep it!"

Toris paused for a moment, thinking about the offer.

"You don't want any of the money?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nah!" the witch replied. "I just, like, want the tinderbox that he- I-I mean _I_ left down there."

Toris shrugged, and allowed the witch to lower him down into the hollow tree by rope.

"Oh! I, like, almost forgot!" the witch shouted down. "Here! I, like, managed to steal that German guy's apron! (What, we all know Germany loves to bake cakes…) If you, like, set the dogs on it, they totally won't attack you! … I think."

With those incredibly reassuring words, the witch dropped the apron down to Toris, and he picked it up when he reached the floor of the surprisingly well-lit secret hideout. The apron was pink and edged in lace, if you wanted to know.

**Li: W-what…? A pink apron…? Germany?**

True fact.

Anyway, there were three doors in the secret hideout. Toris approached the first one cautiously, to find, when he opened it, a large German Shepherd seated atop a chest. The dog stared at him piercingly, and Toris felt quite small. However, when he produced the apron and set it on the ground next to the chest, the dog took a more friendly expression. With a small struggle, Toris lifted the dog, who, by the tag on its collar, was named Blackie, onto the apron and opened the chest.

Inside were mounds of copper coins. However, Toris was merely checking, not really interested in these coins. Inside the second door was a golden retriever even larger than the German Shepherd. This dog's name was Aster, and it was sitting atop a chest of silver coins. With a nod, Toris set this dog back as well. Finally, he reached the third door, which housed the most absolutely gigantic Doberman Toris had ever seen in his life!

It took almost fifteen minutes to get this last dog, named Berlitz, onto the pink apron. Then, Toris began to fill his pockets with gold coins. When he finally found the tinderbox the witch had requested, resting inconspicuously on the floor of the hideout, the only place left to put it was under his hat!

**Li: W-wow, that's a lot of gold!**

When he finally reached the surface again, the witch was impatiently tapping her foot.

"So?" she demanded. "Like, where's my tinderbox?"

Her obvious desperation for such a strange item confused Toris, and he became suspicious.

"What's so special about that tinderbox?" he asked her.

"You, like, don't need to know!" the witch snapped. "Now, like, give it to me!"

**U: Oh… It looks like they're going to fight…**

**C: I wonder what's up with that tinderbox anyway…?**

**B: … Where is brother…? Where… Kekkon… Kekkon…**

"Well, if you won't tell me what it's for, I'll just keep it, then," Toris said obstinately.

"NO YOU, LIKE, WILL NOT!" the witch screamed.

Her face turned red, then purple, and then she exploded (no, seriously, this really happens in the actual fairytale…)

**Po: WHAT? I, like, exploded? I'm like, super betrayed! How could you, like do this to me? ME?**

**Li: U-um… Poland, I'm sure she just did it because it was in the story.**

Yup… I'd never want to make you explode, Poland.

In any case, Toris continued on his way, completely forgetting about the strange tinderbox.

**B: How could you forget about something that made a witch explode…?**

**Li: G-gee, Belarus, I don't know… Silly, huh?**

**B: … Hmph.**

… Poor Liet…

Um… anyway, Toris spent the next year in luxury, but even then, it couldn't buy him time with the lovely princess Natalia. And then, after that year, Toris was completely broke.

**Li: Oh, no…**

Soon he was living in a cold attic room with almost nothing to his name. And then, he remembered the tinderbox.

**C: Forgetting it for a whole year…? And you called us forgetful, eh…**

Well… You know that's actually hard to argue with…

Um, so Toris struck a match, his only match, against the tinderbox. Suddenly, in the dim light of the flame, he saw Blackie the German Shepherd staring at him with large eyes. Toris blinked in surprise.

"O-oh… Hello there, Blackie!" he exclaimed, surprised. "You know… I turned up my nose at your chest of copper coins… But right now, I wish I had even one of them…"

Suddenly, the huge dog was off like a shot, and returned shortly carrying the whole chest of copper on his back. Amazed, Toris thanked the dog profusely, and struck his match against the tinderbox a second time. Aster appeared, and with a lick, bounded off and retrieved the chest of silver as well. Holding his breath, Toris struck the match a final time, and the enormous Doberman, Berlitz, appeared. However, the dog was too big to fit inside the tiny house, and so sat outside in the street.

Toris thought to himself for a moment.

"You three dogs have made me rich again… Could you make me happy too? I long for just a glance at King Matthew and Queen Katyusha's lovely daughter, Princess Natalia…"

Quick as a shot, Berlitz bounded off, and soon returned carrying the sleeping princess on his back. She was indeed just as lovely as her mother, and Toris, overcome by her loveliness, kissed her on the cheek. Then Berlitz carried Natalia back to the palace.

**B: What strange dogs!**

**Li: Haha, yeah, aren't they…?**

**B: … Hmph.**

The next morning, Natalia told her parents about having a dream of being carried across town by a huge dog and being kissed by a soldier. Both parents were worried, but Katyusha was especially so. Therefore, she tied a small purse filled with fine flour to her daughter's nightdress, and pricked a hole in it.

**U: W-wow, that's really clever, isn't it…?**

**C: Yeah! Good job, Ukraine!**

As Berlitz carried Princess Natalia to Toris that night, he didn't notice the fine flour making a trail behind him. The next morning, the king and queen followed that trail… Right to Toris himself.

The two recognized Toris at once, but Matthew knew that if they went back on the law they had created, that it would encourage criminals to break the law more. Therefore, he sadly sentenced Toris to be hung the next day. That night, he and his wife cried for their friend.

**U: …. H-h-how… How terrible!**

**Li: No kidding…**

**C: there must be some way to stop it…**

And there was! For, as a last request, Toris asked if he could perhaps smoke his pipe. Then, he struck a match against the tinderbox three times.

"Save me, my loyal dogs!" he cried.

And suddenly, there they were! All three monstrous dogs! Happily, Matthew and Katyusha used this as an excuse to stop the hanging, and allowed Toris and Natalia to be married that day. Blackie, Aster and Berlitz got the seats of honor at the wedding banquet, and at the sight of all the delicious food, their large eyes grew even larger!

**Li: … What a great story!**

**B: … Where… Is… BROTHER?**

Hahaha… Um…

The End


	29. Elves & the Shoemaker: USLiet friendship

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to all of my patient readers~! And to Lumoa, who wanted Poland to be the hero!**

Guide

Li = Lithuania

Po = Poland

A = America

The Elves and the Shoemaker

I'm… I'm determined to keep going! This story should be shorter, and so… I will begin work on the next one this same day, I think!

**A: Hey, hey! The hero is finally back in a story! What took so long, dude?**

Sorry… I guess I just hadn't been able to think of any good stories for you, America. But don't worry! I think you'll like this one!

**Po: … Yeah? And, like, what about me, huh?**

**Li: P-Poland! Don't say things like that, you're being rude!**

Haha, I don't mind, Lithuania. Now, to the story!

Once upon a time, there was a shoemaker named Toris who lived in a small village. He and his wife Felisha were quite poor indeed.

**Po: W-what? But I, like, need money to buy fabulous outfits and stuff!**

Don't be such a drama queen, Poland…

Anyway, the last pair of shoes Toris the shoemaker had sold were a pair of boots, to a man named Eli who owned a cat. However, on this night, he had only enough leather left to make one pair of shoes.

"Can't you, like, work any faster?" Felisha asked her husband worriedly.

Toris smiled weakly.

"I could," he told her. "I could cut quicker and make more careless stitches. But I like to do my very best work for our customers, and that takes some time."

The two stared at the very small amount of leather left and sighed.

"What will we do tomorrow?" Felisha asked. "When there's, like, no more shoes for us to sell?"

"Well… Let's just worry about that tomorrow."

So Toris left the cut-out shoe pieces on his workbench that night and went to sleep.

"Goodnight, dear. I'm sorry we're so poor," he apologized.

"… No," Felisha said at last, in a rare moment of kindness.

**Po: HEY!**

Sorry, Poland… Anyway!

"You can, like, only do your best, Toris."

That night, something amazing happened! For when Toris and Felisha went out into the workshop the next morning, there stood a pair of perfect shoes! The stitches were tiny and perfect, the workmanship superb.

"Who could have made them?" the shoemaker wondered.

The shoes sold for enough money that Toris was able to get leather for two pairs of shoes this time! And when he left the cut leather out on his workbench, the pairs of shoes were once again miraculously finished by sunrise!

**A: … The hero has not yet appeared… Hey! Where the heck am I?**

You'll see, soon enough…

Continuing… So the shoemaker was able to make his living, and people came from all around to buy the amazing shoes! In fact, the shoemaker and his wife were almost rich!

**Po: … Whew! New outfits, like, here I come!**

**Li: … Poland…**

However… Toris was thinking.

"Wouldn't you like to know who's making these shoes?" he asked Felisha.

So the two of them sat out that night, and waited.

Just at the stroke of midnight, a tiny little blond elf poked his head out from behind the clock. After a tilt of his tiny head and a blink of his blue, blue eyes, the elf hopped down to the workbench, and it was then that Toris and Felisha saw that the tiny elf hadn't a stitch of clothing on him!

**Po: Haha, he's, like, naked?**

**A: … I'm feeling kind of… Exposed, here.**

Sorry, America…

Um… where was I…? Elf… Clock… Clothing… Ah! Here we are!

And as the couple watched, fascinated, the tiny elf began to sew and hammer and lace and polish. However, it was a cold night, only a few days from Christmas, and even inside, it was mighty cold. So the poor little elf was nearly blue from head to toe, and had to keep stomping his little feet and blowing air onto his tiny hands.

"Oh my gosh!" Felisha gasped. "The poor little guy!"

Toris nodded solemnly.

"After everything he's done for us, we ought to give him a thank you present. And I know just what."

**A: Oh! I bet I know what it is!**

So the very next night, Christmas Eve, the tiny blond elf crawled out of his hiding spot and down to the workbench. However, he found no shoes to cobble. After looking around in confusion, his eyes landed on a pile of bright (and fashionable!) clothes. A shirt, some pants, mittens, a hat… And a tiny, tiny pair of leather boots.

The elf's eyes lit up, and he immediately put on the clothes.

"Just for me!" the elf cried happily, grinning. "Clothes, for me! No more cobbling!"

And he bustled off in his warm clothes, dancing down the snowy Christmas streets.

Felisha laughed from where she and her husband were hiding.

"Well, it looks like you're totally not gonna get any help from that little guy anymore!"

"No… But I'll just have to do my best all on my own," Toris replied.

And he did.

**A: Hey, that was actually pretty sweet! And I was the hero!**

That's right, you saved them from starvation! Nice job!

**Po: And I totally sewed the little clothes! So, like, I'm the hero too!**

**Li: … Yeah. I guess we were all heroes!**

Well, it was short and sweet and everyone lived happily ever after!

The End


	30. SnowWhite & RoseRed: TurJpn

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Oh, _holy mother of cream cheese_ this story is overdue… Dedicated to Rue-the-Marauder, Darka Moon, natcat5, and Snowy Cherry-san who wanted Snow White and Rose Red as a story (WHY IS THIS FAIRYTALE SO CONVOLUTED? … I love you guys, but you'd better be grateful, cuz this fairytale makes my brain hurt… :P). Also dedicated to whoever it was that thought Taiwan needed a more main-character-ish appearance. Here she is! Also **_**also**_** dedicated to Lumoa, SuperMiniMutt and AliesEve, who are convinced (probably quite rightfully) that Turkey needs some hero time. **

Guide

T = Turkey

G = Greece

J = Japan

Tai = Taiwan

Snow White and Rose Red

**T: You're darn right I need to be the hero, ya stupid woman!**

… Well… Well… Your mask is stupid! Nyeh!

**T: … And what's this guy doin' here?**

**G: … Just because you can't hear anymore doesn't mean you need to shout, old man.**

**Tai: … S-sheesh… They're really going at it…**

**J: A-ano… Please… Stop fighting…**

Agh… Sorry, Japan, it's my fault. In any case, Greece… You're the villain today, so get your "Grrr Face" on! Turkey, stand up straight, you're the prince! Now, let's go!

Once upon a time, there was a widow who lived in the forest. She had two rose trees outside her house, one white and one red. She also had two little girls just like the rose trees. Kiku was soft and quiet like the white roses, and often stayed at home with her mother and helped her to sew. Mei, on the other hand, was more wild, like the red roses, and spent all day gathering flowers and chasing butterflies.

**Tai: Kiku-nii, you're Snow-White.**

**J: I-I see… And so that makes you Rose-Red…**

However, despite their differences, the sisters loved one another very much, and walked about everywhere hand in hand. When in the forest, animals did not attack them, and they were always safe, and so their mother never had to worry. They were both well-behaved, and during the winter, their mother read stories to them as they all sat in front of the fireplace.

One evening, in deep winter, there came a loud knock at the door.

"Oh, Mei, darling, go open the door! It's surely some traveler lost in the cold," their mother said.

So Mei did as she was told and unbolted the door. However, she was immediately face-to-face with a huge bear, and screamed, rushing back into the cottage.

"Wait!" cried the bear. "I don't want to hurt ya. I'm just cold, and I'd like to warm myself up at the fire."

**T: … A bear. I'm… A bear. Ya said I was the prince!**

C-calm down, Turkey! Y-you are! You can't expect things to be happy-ending-like from the beginning, can you? A-and Greece, wipe that smirk off your face! You still don't know what you are yet!

**G: …**

U-um… Anyway. So… Um… The bear.

Kiku and Mei's mother welcomed the bear in warmly, though warning him not to get too close ot the fire and burn his fur. At last, the two girls grew quite at ease with their visitor, and took to pulling at his fur and standing on him and rolling him about the cabin. When the bear growled, the two girls simply laughed. He submitted to their childish teasing quite well, and only when they got too rough did he cry out:

"Be careful, girls! Miss Snow-White, Miss Rose-Red, will ya beat your lover dead?"

**G: How… Weird.**

**T: H-hey!**

Sorry… It's in the fairytale, but it does sound a bit odd when I try to make it sound like Turkey, huh…

**J: Please just do your best, Author-san.**

Aww, thanks, Japan. Sorry I had to make you a girl…

I-in any case! The bear was welcomed to stay the night by the fireplace, and he did, curled up and finally warm. The next morning, the girls opened the door for him, and he trotted out into the snowy forest.

From that day forwards, the bear, whose name was Sadiq, stayed in the warm cottage every night that winter. The girls grew quite fond of him indeed, and they were all very close. And then, when it began to get warm again, Sadiq told Kiku that he was going to take his leave.

"I gotta go, and I won't be back for a while," he said to her.

"Why are you leaving?" Kiku asked softly, delicate brows furrowed.

Sadiq the bear smiled gently down at her.

"During the winter, dwarves must hibernate, but in the spring, they come up and steal treasure. I gotta go protect my treasure from them, cuz treasure taken by a dwarf doesn't often see the light of day again. Goodbye, Kiku."

And so Kiku had no choice but to open the door for him. However, as Sadiq rushed off, a chunk of his fur got caught in the door, and Kiku swore she could see gold glimmering beneath it.

**J: Gold…? How strange…**

**T: You're telling me! This whole fairytale's weird!**

**G: … Only because a weirdo like you is in it…**

**Tai: … Here we go again…**

U-um… Guys? Let's just… Continue with the story, ok?

Anyway… Not long after the disappearance of Sadiq the bear, Kiku and Mei were sent into the forest to collect firewood. On their errand, they saw a large, felled tree, and a small creature hopping about next to it. Upon closer inspection, they saw it was a dwarf with sleepy green eyes. He was wearing a tan jacket, arms out of its sleeves, which appeared to be stuck beneath the fallen tree.

**T: Ha! You're a dwarf, brat!**

**G: S-shut up, old man!**

Upon seeing the two girls staring at him, the dwarf went red-faced.

"Well, don't just… Stand there! Get me… Out from… Under this tree!"

Startled, the two rushed forward. However, no matter how much the girls pulled and tugged, they could not get the dwarf's jacket free.

"I'll go get help," Mei said determinedly.

"Hah! You two… Are already two too many! Can't you… Think of something else?"

At last, Kiku had an idea. She pulled her scissors from her pocket, and neatly snipped the edge of the jacket sleeve, freeing the dwarf. He grumbled angrily about snot-nosed girls ruining his jacket, grabbed a sack of golden pottery from the roots of the tree, and disappeared into the forest.

**G: I'm… Not that… Rude.**

I know, Greece. But Turkey needed to be the hero, so I thought… Sorry…

**G: … I… Suppose it's… Ok.**

Aw, thanks, Greece~!

**T: Feh!**

And thank you for being such a good sport up to now, Turkey~!

**T: … Y-you're welcome, I guess…**

Now then! Um… what comes next again…? Oh, yeah!

That evening, the sisters went to the river to get fish for supper. As they came upon the river, they saw what, by the way it moved, appeared to be a large grasshopper, about to leap into the river. However, upon closer inspection, they realized it was the dwarf they had met earlier.

"What are you doing?" Mei asked, eyebrow quirked. "Are you going to jump in the river?"

The dwarf began to fume.

"Stupid girl! I'm not… That foolish! Don't you see that… This fish is… Trying to drag me in?"

And the girls saw that on the end of the dwarf's fishing pole, there was indeed a large fish. It was pulling and pulling, and once again his coat had become entangled, this time with his fishing line.

**G: You… Really like… Mutilating my jacket… Huh?**

Aha… W-well… I'm sorry, I just couldn't write you with a beard, so your jacket will have to take the heat…

**G: … It's fine…**

The girls tried as hard as they could to disentangle the jacket and the fishing line, but could not. In the end, Kiku had to once again pull out her scissors and snip away part of the dwarf's jacket. With a dark, olive-green glare, the dwarf snatched a bag of old-looking coins from the edge of the river and stormed off once again.

It turned out that soon after this, the girls' mother sent them into town to buy thread. On their way, they spotted a huge eagle, swooping down lower and lower, until at last it landed on a nearby rock. Upon hearing a shriek, the girls rushed forward to find the very same dwarf, being grabbed by the eagle.

Kiku and Mei launched forward and grabbed the dwarf, and they struggled so long with the bird that it gave up and flew away. However, even after this rescue, the dwarf had no words of gratitude for the girls.

**T: Of course he didn't.**

**G: Hey!**

**J: … A-ano… So what happened?**

**Tai: What I want to know is what happened to the bear? Right, Kiku-nii?**

**J: … Ah. Yes, that too…**

Well, you'll find out, won't you? On with the fairytale!

"Couldn't you… Have been more careful?" he snapped. "Look at my poor hat!"

Indeed, the cream beret that sat atop his head was shredded beyond belief; however, most people would agree such a thing was certainly beside the point. In any case, the dwarf then picked up a sack filled with precious stones carved into cat shapes, and disappeared beneath the large rock nearby, into his cave.

Kiku and Mei were used to the dwarf's ingratitude, and so went on their way and bought thread from town. On the way back, though, they saw the dwarf pouring out the cat-stones onto the ground, because he thought no one was there to look. The gems glittered so brightly that the girls stopped in their tracks and stared.

When the dwarf noticed, he began to shout again. He was in the middle of cursing the girls heartily when there was a loud snarl. All three turned to see a bear walking out from the woods. The dwarf tried to hide in his cave, but the bear was far too close for the dwarf to escape.

He pleaded with the bear, stammering, to eat the girls instead, and tried to bribe the bear with his jewels. However, the bear, fed up, swiped at the dwarf one with his paw, and the dwarf did not move again.

**G: … I… died?**

**Tai: W-wow… That's… Pretty dark.**

Ah, well… It's the Brothers Grimm, so…

**T: Good riddance.**

Turkey, that's a little insensitive…

**T: What do I care? It's my story.**

I… Uh…Well, I'll just finish this, I suppose…

Kiku and Mei had run off, but the bear called to them in a familiar voice.

"Kiku, Mei, don't be afraid. Wait, I'll come with ya."

So the girls stopped and waited for him, and when he reached them, his bear skin fell clean off, and he was revealed as a young man, wearing a mask.

"I… I'm a prince," the dark-haired man explained sheepishly. "I was cursed when that dwarf stole my treasure, and became a wild bear. Only his death freed me, and he got his just desserts."

Kiku married Prince Sadiq, and Mei married his younger brother (Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, anyone?). They split the treasure evenly down the middle, and everyone lived happily ever after.

**T: … Well, not bad, Author.**

**Tai: I finally got an important role!**

**J: Yes… It was a very entertaining story.**

**G: Maybe if Turkey was the dwarf…**

**T: Too bad, brat!**

**G: Why you-!**

The End


	31. Brother & Sister: PrUkr, RusUkr sibling

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Oh, holy mother of cream cheese this story is **_**millions of years**_** overdue! Dedicated to sotnosen93 who has been incredibly, amazingly, wonderfully patient with me about this story~ **

Guide

R = Russia

U = Ukraine

P = Prussia

B = Belarus

Brother and Sister

So… Um… I'll continue now.

**P: Took you long enough! How long has it been since the awesome me appeared in a story? Huh? Huh?**

**U: Oh, Mr. Prussia, please… I am sure she is doing her best…**

… Sorry, guys… I just got kinda sidetracked… As usual, I guess. Ok, now we're going to start our story, ok?

Once upon a time, there was a brother and a sister. Their names were Ivan and Katyusha.

**U: Oh, Vanya~ It's us!**

**R: So it is…**

**B: … Big brother… Marry me!**

**R: B-B-Belarus, go hooooooooome!**

The two siblings had no parents, and no one in the world to look to, so they travelled and travelled, with no thought to where they were going. However, poor little Ivan got so very thirsty as they walked.

"Oh, please, sister, I'm thirsty," he told Katyusha.

"I-I'm sorry, little Vanya," Katyusha said tearfully. "We shall have to wait for a well to drink from, dear."

However, as they walked, the boy saw a small hoof print, that of a cow, filled with water.

"O-oh, sister, sister, look! A cow has made a little well, just for me, da? Please may I drink from it…?"

Katyusha blinked, peering down at the little 'well'.

"N-no, I'm afraid not, Vanya," she told him tearfully. "If you drink that, you will turn into a little calf, I'm sorry!"

And so the two continued on their way, both ever so upset.

After a few more hours, Ivan spotted another little 'well', this one made by the hoof of a horse.

"Oh, oh, sister, here is a well for me! Please may I drink…?"

But again, Katyusha shook her head.

"Oh, I am so sorry, little brother, b-but if you drink from hat, you will turn into a little foal!" she sobbed, and pulled him along at a run until the hoof print was out of sight.

**U: Oh, Vanya, I'm so sorry!**

**R: S-s-sister, there's no need to cry, it's just a story…!**

... Um… Russia's right, Ukraine… Please calm down…

Many long and tiring hours after that, Ivan spotted one more hoof print, this one of a goat. He glanced at his still teary-eyed sister, and knew that she would still only say no if he asked… So the young boy bent down and drank the few drops of water that had collected in the hoof.

**P: Kesesesese, can see this isn't going to end well for him!**

**R: …**

U-um… Russia, please put down that faucet pipe… I-it's just a story, remember…?

I-in any c-case…

As soon as he drank the water, he was transformed into a kid… That is to say, a young goat. The poor boy bleated in surprise, and his sister whirled around. When she saw the hoof print and the little goat with a cream-colored scarf around its neck, she knew what had happened at once.

"Oh no, Vanya!" she sniffled. "What shall we do?"

And, in despair, she sat down on the side of the road and cried, while her brother, now a goat, attempted to comfort her with little nudges and licks.

**P: Hey! Where is the awesome me? You aren't going to cut me out of the story unawesomely are you?**

No, no, of course not, Prussia! In fact, you show up right about… Now!

Soon after, a rich nobleman rode up on his horse. He was tall and pale, with silvery hair and brilliant red eyes, and his name was Gilbert. He paused, upon seeing a beautiful young woman crying next to a tiny goat.

"Is something wrong?" he asked her, dismounting the horse and hurrying up to her.

And poor Katyusha was so upset that she hugged him tightly and told him the whole tale. Gilbert listened intently, and although a bit skeptical, agreed to take the lovely girl and her brother the goat into his home.

"I don't quite believe your story," he told her, "but if you come with the awesome me, you will live happily, and the goat can come too if you love him, and I awesomely promise you two will never be parted."

**P: Kesesesese, so the awesome me is rich, huh? Very awesome.**

The three lived together for many years happily, wherein Katyusha became amazingly busty-

**U: U-u-uh…**

**R: …**

**P: No, no, no, that's all wrong! Not 'amazingly busty'! Awesomely busty!**

**U: O-oh my…**

R-R-Russia, please, for the last time, put down that faucet pipe…

Um… So yeah.. Uh… 'Awesomely busty'…

And eventually Gilbert and Katyusha married, and were very happy. However, one day when Gilbert was out, an old witch came to the household, begging for food.

**U: An old witch…? B-but, we don't have anyone left to be the- … Oh. … Oh my.**

**R: H-huh…?**

**B: … You are going to be very sorry for this… Very. Sorry.**

… Haha, it's a good thing I'm where you can't get me, huh…? E-er… But let's continue…

Katyusha, kind-hearted soul as she was, shared her supper with the witch, Natalia. But the witch put a spell in the wine that Katyusha drank so that the poor woman fell quite ill. By the time Gilbert returned, Katyusha was in bed, pale and gaunt.

Both were fretting, but Katyusha held out hope and told her husband that perhaps she would be better in the morning. And so, the next day Natalia returned, and seeing Katyusha bedridden, told her she had a solution.

"R-r-really…?" Katyusha asked hopefully, tears in her eyes.

Gilbert had always told her how lovely she was, and she felt ashamed that she looked so sickly now.

"Of course…" Natalia said sweetly. "You must go down to the river and bathe in it this afternoon. But if you tell anyone where you have gone, the spell will not work, so be secretive."

Now of course this was not a good deed by the witch. Not at all. Simply a cunning plan to dispose of poor Katyusha.

**U: D-d-d-dispose…? D-d-do you really want me gone, little sister…?**

**B: … Of course not. I only want brother to marry me…**

**R: Go hoooooooooooooooome!**

And when Katyusha went down to the river, the witch Natalia shoved her into the water (quite easily, due to the weight imbalance she has up front, if you know what I mean) and then dropped a stone upon her back so she couldn't get up. Then she transformed herself to look just like Katyusha.

**B: But I don't want to marry that stupid Prussia! I want… To marry… Big brother!**

**P: …. Hmph. Y-you're just not awesome enough for the awesome me anyway…**

**R: Go hooooooooooooooome, little sister!**

B-Belarus, put your brother down, I don't think he appreciates being held bridal style…

The only one to witness this was little Ivan the goat, who had followed his dear sister secretly to the river. And so when Gilbert came home, he was happy to see his wife well, but Ivan only became more and more glum and depressed.

Every day he would wander down to the river and bleat mournfully, calling to his beloved older sister.

Eventually, the witch became curious and followed the young goat who wore a scarf. And when she realized where he went, she became enraged. She ordered that the goat be caught and killed.

Gilbert, awesomely caring husband as he was, was utterly suspicious (unlike the hubby in the actual fairytale, who was a moron).

**P: You bet I was! Awesomely!**

**U: Th-that's good...**

And so he followed the little goat one day, down to the river, and was shocked and horrified to see his wife in the river, trapped by a large stone. He rushed into the river at once and shoved the stone off of her, pulling Katyusha to shore.

**U: O-o-oh, Mr. Prussia… ****Th-thank you for saving me…**

**P: U-uh… N-no problem, just doing my awesome duty!**

Ooh, someone's blushing…

**P: Sh-shut up and tell the story, fraulein!**

… Never get to have any fun…

A-anyway… Katyusha was still and pale in Gilbert's arms, and he was helpless as to how to help her. And then little Ivan the goat nudged a bottle towards him. It was something he'd nicked from the witch Natalia's pocket when she had drowned his sister. However, he'd had no idea how to get her out so he could use it.

Gilbert blinked and grabbed the bottle, reading the label.

"Vodka of life…?" he muttered skeptically.

But then he looked down at Katyusha, still and lifeless in his arms, and shrugged.

"This better work awesomely, or else," he said firmly, uncorking the bottle and pouring a few drops of the alcohol into his wife's mouth.

**P: Vodka? Seriously? I wouldn't be caught giving that to my wife or anyone!**

**R: …..**

**U: U-****um****, ****please****calm****down****… **

Come on guys, it's almost over, promise…

Um… Let's see… Katyusha was so happy that she immediately hugged her husband and her brother to her, and Ivan was transformed into a young man instead of a goat. Then the three of them went home, and Gilbert (awesomely) turned out the witch, who went screaming and gnashing her teeth away into the woods, never to be seen again.

**B: Maybe not today, big brother… But someday… One of these stories… You will marry me!**

**R: Waaaaaaaaah, Belarus please go awaaaaaaaaaaay!**

**P: Pfft.**

**U: S-sister, please be gentle with Vanya…**

Er.

So.

Um… Katyusha, Ivan, and Gilbert all lived happily ever after!

**P: … Hm… I was thinking…**

**U: H-h-huh…?**

**P: Well… I saw you and Mattie together in that one story about the whole guess the polar bear's name thing… And I gotta say… You guys are pretty cute.**

**U: O-o-oh…?**

**P: … But I like Mattie too. … And you're awesome yourself… So…**

**U: I-I'm not quite sure where this is going…**

**P: We should be an awesome threesome!**

**U: …..**

I'd ship that…

**R: Kolkolkolkolkol-**

The End


	32. Midas Touch: AmeMona

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to all my lovely readers for their patience, and also to my sorella3 Like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf", this chapter is based on the 'Muppet Classic Fairytales' version. Because I'm the boss and I say so.**

Guide

A = America

E = England

M = Monaco

King Midas and the Golden Touch

Goodness. Gracious. It has been quite some time… I really do apologize…

**A: Hahaha, we've been sitting here so long my butt's gone numb!**

**E: That's nothing to laugh about, you idiot!**

**M: Mon dieu… But at least I get a story. And there is gold in it too~ Bien!**

In any case, I'll just get started!

Once upon a time, there was a king named Alfred Midas. He had a lovely wife, and a fairly happy if slightly in debt kingdom, but still he worried for his subjects, wanting to make sure that everyone in his kingdom was healthy, happy, and at peace. Uh, as for his wife, Queen Axelle… Not… So much. She was more worried with money and gold than the kingdom's people.

**M: Hmph!**

W-well, it's only true…

In any case! So, one day, the king was taking a stroll through the royal gardens when he spotted a bushy-browed satyr sleeping atop his favorite rose bush (the one with red, white and blue roses, of course!).

**E: … A satyr. Really?**

Sorry… B-but you always make such a wonderful magical creature… Y-you get to cause America trouble, at least…!

**E: … Fine. You're forgiven.**

Thank… You…?

So! King Alfred was rightfully angry at the satyr for sleeping in his beloved magical patriotic roses-

**A: Th-the tragedy… AS THE HERO I DECLARE THE ROSES MUST BE AVENGED!**

**E: You don't need to shout, you bloody wanker!**

**A: Hahaha, I have no idea what you're talking about!**

**E: You're doing it again!**

**M: …. Mon dieu…**

Settle down, you two, or I won't get to finish the story! Jeez… Lots of pent-up energy from just sitting there for months on end, I guess…

**E: Then write more often is the obvious solution!**

B-but I'm lazy…

**M: Please just get on with the story…!**

Oh… Right… Story.

Well, he picked up the satyr with one hand, thanks to his amazing and heroic strength, and shook him awake rudely. The satyr yawned and then yelled at King Alfred for waking him from his lovely nap in the roses.

"Hey! I was trying to sleep here! Who do you think you are?"

"I'm King Alfred Midas, and those are the royal magical patriotic roses!" The king protested. "The penalty for sleeping on them or wrecking them is death, you know! Dude, you so don't mess with a guy's patriotic symbols!"

This woke the satyr up completely.

"W-wait! Don't kill me! Take my brothers! They're much tastier than me!"

**E: You're getting your stories mixed up! That should be the Three Billy Goats Gruff!**

But it's funnier in this context… Not to mention that your brothers would totally kill you for trying to get a troll to eat them… Hmmm…

**E: Don't you dare get any ideas!**

I make no promises!

Anyway, so the king just looked at the satyr, who happened to be named Arthur (it's a common name, ok?) oddly.

"Dude, why would I want to eat you?" he asked, making a grossed-out face.

"Uh… No reason!" Arthur the satyr said defensively, shuddering at a flashback.

**E: I said not to get any i-**

**A: Hahaha, dude, we haven't even gotten anywhere in the story yet! Zip your lips and stuff!**

Thank you, Alfred. Although I recommend duct tape rather than your hand to cover his mouth. Ahem! So!

"I… I can grant you one wish!" Arthur bleated, in a last-ditch attempt to save his life.

King Alfred immediately brightened at this. Like the hero he was, he opened his mouth to wish for world peace or the end of world hunger or something equally noble and probably for the children, when Queen Axelle, who had heard the whole conversation, walked up excitedly.

"Gold!" she said loudly, drowning out the beginning of Alfred's wish, which if one knew him one would know meant she was practically screaming.

Arthur blinked at her.

"Gold what?" he asked. "There's gold hair, gold fleece, goldfinches, Goldylocks, gold touch, goldenrod-"

"Go back, go back!" Axelle protested excitedly.

"… Goldylocks?"

"No, no, the one after that! Mon dieu… Pay attention!" the queen snapped.

"Oh, gold touch! Wonderful choice," Arthur nodded.

"W-wait, but Axelle… I wanted to wish for peace in the world," King Alfred protested.

Axelle waved him away.

"This is our chance to make ourselves rich, Alfred!" she explained excitedly.

"But… Money isn't the most important-"

"I think your crown is on a little tight, cher…" Axelle said sharply, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot.

**A: … B-but… World peace…!**

**M: So… Much… Gold…**

**E: … Did she just faint? I think she just fainted…!**

**A: Hahaha don't worry, the hero will save her!**

**E: Put that down, you idiot! You're going to hurt someone!**

…. Uh… I think I'll… Just, uh… Continue.

"So… Gold touch? Is that final?"

"Yes!" Axelle answered. "We'll take the gold touch!"

The satyr nodded, waved his hands ridiculously, and then trotted off. Axelle frowned, not sure if anything had actually happened, but then Alfred reached for one of his magical patriotic roses, and it turned to solid gold in his hand.

"Oh no!" he cried. "It's ruined! It's supposed to be red white and blue, not gold…!"

**A: Not the magical patriotic rose…!**

**E: …**

**M: Oh… The gold… I must find a way to replicate this power!**

Axelle bopped him on the head lightly.

"Non, this is wonderful! Everything you touch turns to gold!"

She then proceeded to usher him off to the throne room to turn many more things into gold. Among them, the palace walls and floor, the dishes, and every bit and bob brought by the peasants once they heard of the king's amazing new power.

By lunch time, King Alfred was utterly exhausted of turning things into gold, and though he was happy they would all have enough money to take care of themselves, he worried both the peasants and his wife were becoming a bit… Greedy.

**M: Nonsense! One always needs more money, non?**

If you say so, Monaco…

Anyway, sensing his gloom, Axelle sent away all of the subjects and brought over a hamburger (on a golden plate of course!) for the king to eat. But… Just as he grabbed the hamburger to take a bite… It was transformed into gold!

**A: N-no…! Th-th-the inhumanity….!**

Th-there, there, Alfred….

So… Throwing the gold hamburger down, the king started to cry for the loss of his most beloved of foods, and when he put his head in his hands in despair… The king was turned into gold!

Though Queen Axelle tried to cope and continue their daily lives… With the king being an unresponsive gold statue, life just wasn't the same… The palace felt quiet and empty without his loud booming voice, and the smell of hamburgers started to fade from the halls. At last, at a loss, she called in the kingdom's advisors.

The royal doctor was no help at all, having only a polish to keep the king's new golden body shining. Axelle decked him in the face and sent him away nursing a black eye. Next, the royal jeweler was called in, but he was only interested in buying the king. He too was given the boot. The royal jester tried his best to cheer the queen up, but all he earned for his troubles was a kick to the crotch.

At last, Axelle decided she only had one choice. Using all her strength to drag the king out to the gardens, she called desperately for the satyr's help. He appeared after a few seconds, and Axelle explained her problem to him.

"Well," Arthur mused, "there is a way to change the king back to normal. However, you must say that you don't want any gold. And mean it!"

**M: Th-the horror…! How dare he…!**

**E: …**

**A: …**

… Weeeeell.

After a few seconds of painful deliberation, the queen nodded.

"I… I do not want any gold!" she declared tearfully. "I just want my husband back! Love is more important than money…"

And at these words, the king was suddenly returned to his normal self. Jumping for joy, he hugged Axelle, happy to be rid of the golden touch. The two shared a sweet kiss that sent Arthur the satyr grumbling off into the distance with jealousy.

**E: Jealousy…? Why would I ever be jealous of that?**

**A: Hahaha, deniiiiiiaaaaaal~!**

**M: What are you saying, Arthur, that I am not desirable as a wife…?**

**E: N-n-n-no, that i-isn't what I was s-saying at all…! P-please put that knife down…!**

**A: Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned! Hahaha!**

**M: Oh, Arthur….~ Mon cher~**

**E: SAVE ME YOU-**

The End


	33. Billy Goats Gruff: UK brothers centric

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Dedicated to everyone who's read this story, and especially people who are STILL reading it even after my severe updating negligence. This is a little short, and I apologize for the slaughtered accents I attempted to insert. Well, mostly accent. I tried for Ireland, but Scotland and Wales just have to deal.**

Guide

E = England

Ir = Ireland

W = Wales

Sc = Scotland

G = Germany

The Three Billy Goats Gruff

I… I did it again, didn't I…? I'm terribly sorry everyone, I must have fallen asleep at my book-

**G: Please allow us to get on with our meeting now.**

I'm sorry, Germany, but I can't allow that! The fandom cries for fairytale justice, and I must heed their c-

**E: Just get this over with!**

**Sc: Oi, Arty, that's no way to talk to a woman.**

**W: Figures.**

**Ir: Feckin' eedjit.**

So nice to have you join us at last, gentlemen! It's been murder keeping England in line.

**Ir: Ah can understand tha'.**

In any case! The story! Once upon a time, there were three satyrs. They were three happy brothers, who, while tough, all looked out for one another. … And then they had another brother. That's when things went downhill. You see, none of the three original satyrs took to their youngest brother very well.

**E: As if any of that is my fault…!**

**G: Calm down, England. It's just a story.**

Well, anyway, one thing that the brothers all shared was a love of drink. And I don't mean water here, folks, I mean alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. They drank entire pubs dry in a single night. It was because of this, and also their rather… Raucous nature, that kept every pub and tavern on their side of the canyon from allowing them in the doors.

**Sc: … Now I'm thirsty.**

**Ir: Ah brought the whiskey!**

**E: … Bunch of hooligans…**

**W: Look who's talking.**

Uh… Please no drinking… It's hard enough trying to phonetically write your accents as it is…

A-anyway! Um… Where was I…?

**G: The taverns and pubs.**

Oh! Yes! Thank you, Germany!

Let's see… Uh… So, the family of satyrs set out for the bridge across the canyon that would take them to the other side. Their infamous reputation hadn't spread that far, and they were all ridiculously thirsty. There was only one problem… The bridge across the canyon.

**Ir: … Ah say sacrifice Arty.**

**Sc: Seconded.**

Now, now, no sacrifices. He had to live anyway, so he could be in the Midas story.

**Sc: … Damn.**

**E: Oh, go eat some haggis you bloody wanker!**

Uh… Please don't dissolve into violence! Wait! Stop! I'm not done with the story!

**G: EVERYONE SHUT UP!**

**E: …**

**Ir: …**

**Sc: …**

**W: …**

Th-thank you, Germany…

Um… Ok… Well… The bridge across the canyon was fine in and of itself, but the problem was that it was guarded by an always-hungry troll with impeccable hair and military disposition.

**G: … I suppose I should have seen that coming.**

**E: Calm down, Germany, it's just a stooory.**

Patronization will not be necessary, England.

In any case, this troll was feared throughout the land, on both sides of the canyon, which is why few people rarely crossed. And he was particularly hungry this fine day when the satyrs decided they would like to get to the other side.

It was a nearly-unanimous vote that young Arthur should be the first to cross. Admittedly, his brothers figured they could simply cross while the troll was too busy eating him, but-

**E: That's barbaric!**

… Indeed it is. Now. As I was saying…

Young Arthur was the first to go across the bridge, and he made rather excessive noise because he was shaking so much out of fear. About halfway across, the towering troll swung up onto the top of the bridge, right in front of Arthur.

**Ir: Eat 'im!**

**Sc: Go f'r it!**

AHEM. Anyway, the satyr was nearly peeing himself with fear, considering this massive, muscular troll was approximately twice his size.

**E: HEY!**

**G: …**

The troll, being rather stoic, and not as stupid as one would expect given that he was a troll, said nothing at all. Instead, he stared down at Arthur intimidatingly, waiting to see if the little guy could offer up a good enough reason to be let across the bridge and not eaten.

"W-well… I… I have three brothers, eat them instead!" Arthur squeaked out in a last-ditch attempt to save his measly life.

Oh, dear, that sounds rather familiar, doesn't it… I wonder where I've heard that before!

**E: Shut. It.**

Hahaha~ Anyway! The troll had very good eyesight, and he could see the larger satyrs clumped on the edge of the canyon that Arthur had just come from. Not to mention he would feel bad for eating such a defenseless and pathetic creature. So he moved aside and let Arthur on by.

**G: … At least I get a few good qualities in this…**

Sorry I had to make you the bad guy, G-man. You know I love ya.

**G: …**

Haha! Ok, where was I… Oh! Arthur pranced over to the other side and rushed off. One would think to the nearest tavern-

**E: Hey!**

But such was not the case! He was actually trying to find a hiding place because if his brothers found out he had offered them up to the troll he was screeeewed, with a capital S!

**Sc: …**

**W: …**

**Ir: …**

**Sc: Let's get 'im.**

N-now wait, guys! It's just a story…! Don't get your kilt in a twist, Scotland!

**Sc: … Fine.**

Whew…

**E: Whew…**

Er… Well then…

Next to go across the bridge was the youngest brother after Arthur. Even though the troll was still on the bridge, he and his brothers had worked out a plan, so he wasn't all that worried. As he approached, he feigned a terrible cough, hacking and wheezing. The troll raised an eyebrow.

"I-I'm horribly sick…!" the satyr coughed. "They say I'll only live a few days… Please let me across so that I can live out my last days on the far side of the canyon, which I've always wanted to see…!"

The troll could quite clearly see this was an act. However, his kindness once again got the better of him, and he allowed the second satyr to pass unharmed. He was not a greedy troll, and even one of the final two satyrs looked like a full meal to him.

He was prepared to meet the two separately, but they approached together.

"You don't get along well with your brother, do you?" he asked in a deep voice.

"No' really."

"Can't say we do."

The troll figured if they were angry, they'd be less on guard, and less likely to team up against him. That would give him a better chance to catch at least one of them for supper.

**G: I suppose that makes sense…**

"He promised me I could eat you and your third brother," the troll admitted, gauging the two satyrs for a reaction.

However, before he could get much of a reading on either, they charged him angrily, and knocked him right off the bridge!

**Ir :Ah'd say we make a grand team!**

**Sc: Sounds like it.**

**G: …**

The two satyrs rushed across to their third brother, who had been waiting for them. The troll, luckily, had not been knocked into the gorge below, but had managed to cling to the bottom of the bridge. He made his way back to his home underneath it and decided that satyrs weren't that tasty anyway, and he'd wait for something else to cross.

**G: … I… Lived?**

Of course you did! I like you!

**G: … Er… Danke…**

No problem! Now then… Ah! Here we go!

Then, the three older satyr brothers ran after Arthur and beat him to a pulp for offering them to the troll. It was a day that poor little Arthur would never forget, and that would haunt him for years afterwards. But that's what you get for trying to get your brothers eaten by a troll!

**E: H-hey…!**

And all except for Arthur, they lived happily ever after~

**Ir: Tha' sounds like a perfect ending to me.**

**W: Seconded.**

**Sc: Yeah, it's the perfect ending.**

**G: Well, I can't complain…**

**E: I can! You bloody-**

The End


	34. Can You Keep a Secret: USBela

**A/N: I don't own Hetalia or any of its characters, or any fairytale I use. Sorry this one's a little short!**

Guide

A = America

U = Ukraine

B = Belarus

R = Russia

Can You Keep A Secret?

You would think I would learn to stop doing this. But hey, there's not really anyone in this story who's the complaining type, so that's good!

**A: Yeah, dude! Let's start the story!**

Alrighty then! Once upon a time there was a little old house in the middle of a big green forest, where a blacksmith lived with his three lovely daughters. The eldest, Katyusha, was fair-haired and curvaceous. The middle daughter, Ivana , was tall and slender with long hair and soft violet eyes. The youngest daughter, Natalia, was petite and lovely with ice-blue eyes.

**U: Oh, brother, sister, that's us!**

** B: Yes, we'll be together forever, brother, isn't that wonderful…?**

** R: … Belarus go home…**

Well… Uh… A-anyway…

** A: Hey, the hero hasn't shown up yet!**

Indeed, but he will soon, alright? Just have to finish introducing our heroines!

**A: Oh, ok!**

Poor Natalia was always being, albeit lovingly, teased by her older sisters for being so forgetful. When they left with their father to the market and told Natalia to watch the stew, she promptly forgot what it was they had asked of her.

"Maybe they wanted me to do the spinning… Yes, that must be it!" she decided at last.

**B: How dare you paint me as forgetful and stupid in front of brother…! How… Dare… You…**

Ahem… W-well…

When Katyusha, Ivana, and their father came back from market, Natalia had spun ten skeins of wool, but had completely burnt the stew that had been meant for supper! She was scolded by her elder sisters.

"You're the most forgetful girl in all the land!"

Then, one bright day, a handsome prince with blond hair and bright blue eyes rode up to the cottage where the three sisters lived.

**A: Hey, that's gotta be me! I'm a prince!**

You are indeed!

**R: My condolences to the prince's kingdom.**

** A: Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!**

** B: It means you are stupid man and bad prince.**

Whoa, hey, hey, be nice..!

**R: Hm, let me think… No.**

** U: Vanya, you're being mean again…**

** R: …**

Ok, is everyone settled…? I'll continue. Let's see… Oh, right, the prince.

When he knocked on the door, Katyusha opened it, and the prince thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Until he saw Ivana and Natalia crowding in behind her to get a better look. He decided then and there that one of them had to be his wife. But how to decide?

** R: I will not marry him.**

** B: I will only marry brother!**

** U: Oh, does that mean it's me…?**

Uh… No, actually… What you guys think has nothing to do with the story, sorry.

**A: DON'T PAIR ME WITH RUSSIA AGAIN I BEG YOU!**

I don't think you have to worry about that either.

**U: Wait, then that means-**

** B: I. WILL. KIIIIIIIILL-**

WELL THEN.

"You are all equally beautiful," the gallant prince said. "And so… I'll marry whichever one of you can keep a secret!"

All three sisters were flustered, and hid their faces in their aprons, but Katyusha agreed to go first. The prince smiled and whispered something in her ear.

"Oh! You don't say!" she exclaimed.

The prince laughed and said he'd be back in a week to see if she'd kept his secret. As soon as he rode off, Ivana and Natalia pestered her to tell them the secret, but she refused with a shy smile.

"It's a secret, you know…"

But as they days passed, Katyusha found it harder and harder to keep the prince's secret. On the fifth day, she thought of an ingenious plan!

"I'll whisper it down the well!" she said to herself happily. "That's just as good as telling, only no one will hear it, and I'll have kept the secret!"

**U: Oh! That's really clever!**

** A: Yeah, you're right! Wow, Ukraine, you're so smart! What a clever plan!**

** B: … For a five-year-old, maybe…**

Well, that's not nice, Belarus. In any case…

Katyusha went out and whispered the prince's secret down the well, and afterwards she felt much better! She went about the final two days with a little skip in her step, thinking happily about marrying the handsome prince.

When he returned, he asked everyone in the house if she had told the secret, and they all replied that she had not. Just as the Prince was about to lead Katyusha to his horse, a strangely bearded frog hopped up. Ivana giggled to herself at the sight of him, but that really doesn't have anything to do with the story, right?

**R: Of course not~**

** A: You know, that sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it…?**

I have no idea what you're talking about, haha…

In any case, the frog had bad news for poor Katyusha, because he had been down the well when she whispered the prince's secret. He croaked it for everyone to hear.

"You, silly prince, have a hole in the heel of your left sock."

The prince's smile dropped, and he let go of Katyusha's hand.

"I'm afraid I can't marry you," he said regretfully.

**U: Oh… That's too bad…**

** A: Yeah, there went my last hope for a sane wife in this story…**

** R: …**

Russia, pickaxe down please… Down… Good boy. Now then.

The prince turned to Ivana.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked her.

"I'm sure I can manage it," she replied.

So, the prince whispered something in her ear, and then rode off soon after. Just like with Katyusha, Ivana was pestered about the prince's secret. She just kept quiet with a smile. However, just like Katyusha, the wear of keeping a secret all to herself was too much for poor Ivana. After three days, she couldn't take it anymore.

Since she knew the well was inhabited with a perverted frog with strange blond facial hair, she snuck into the orchard behind the house and whispered the prince's secret into the trees. Then, satisfied, she walked back into the house. For the next four days, Ivana slept easy.

The prince returned again after a week and asked everyone in the house if Ivana had told them his secret. They all agreed she hadn't, and the prince was about to declare that she would be his wife when…

**R: Oh thank goodness. I do not have to marry the idiot prince.**

**B: He wouldn't dare take brother away from me…**

Ahem!

When suddenly there was a great buzzing and a cloud of honey bees appeared at the kitchen window.

"We heard, she told us! We were in the orchard when she whispered your secret, prince. You have a hole in the big toe of your right sock."

The prince sighed again, and then turned to Natalia, the last of the three.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked her with a smile.

She just shrugged, but the prince took that as a yes and whispered something in her ear. After he left, her sisters pestered her about it. Natalia just shook her head and scolded them for trying to get the secret out of her. However, she was only trying to cover for the fact that she had already forgotten it. As the week went by, she got more and more worried and depressed.

**B: Why? I don't want to marry that buffoon, I want to marry big brother Russia!**

It's just a story, you know… Anyway, where was I…? Oh, yes!

At last the prince arrived, and asked if Natalia had kept his secret. She, however, was a very honest girl, and told him that no, she had not.

"I haven't kept it at all," she admitted. "I've completely forgotten what it is."

This made the prince laugh, and he grabbed her hand.

"Well, I don't care if you can keep a secret or not. It's you I want to marry," he declared, and kissed her sweetly.

Then, the two of them rode off to his palace and were married. Natalia never had to sweep floors or watch stew or spin again, but every evening she had to sit down with a basket and darning needle, because the prince was terribly hard on his socks.

**A: Well, I guess it could be worse…**

** B: I would never marry you! Or fix your socks! I will marry brother if it's the last thing I do!**

** A: … It could also be better.**

** U: I'm sorry I couldn't keep your secret…**

** R: Belarus go hooooooooooooome…!**

Well there you have it, folks. It's-

The End


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